Kirtaniyah sada hari

In Honour Of...

2012-02-02T15:27:00.001-08:00

Yesterday I heard the shocking news that three devotees passed away. I was left feeling hollow, especially upon hearing that one of the devotees is the husband of a friend who constantly inspires me with her devotion and dedication to deity worship.

As the day crawled by, my thoughts were mixed. Although I did not have the great fortune of knowing these three devotees, it became resoundingly obvious how much they were loved and how much they loved to serve. It made me reflect- one could argue that these three devotees had achieved the perfection of life. They had touched the lives of so many people around the world by giving them Krsna in different forms.

We do not consider the perfection of life to be measured by money, followers or power. Although alluring to many, they are vacant and useless substitutes when compared to love for Krsna and the devotees as well as the desire to share Krsna with others. That is what will remain a lasting legacy and that is ultimately what touches the souls of others. It's becoming more and more apparent that this is the great wealth that these devotees have inherited.

I'm sure that we all, in this huge vaisnava family of ours, have been touched by the lives of these devotees, whether it be direct or indirect. Our hearts and prayers are with the family and loved ones of these devotees, knowing full well that they have simply moved on to continue to render more and more service to Srila Prabhupada and Lord Caitanya.

A New Year, an old resolution...

2011-12-30T06:33:00.000-08:00

I've taken to people watching a lot these days. Just plop yourself in an area and just sit and look. It's amazing what you will see. People are fighting, smiling, conversing, hurting, shopping, crying, laughing, thinking... As I witness this, I often wonder about their lives. Some seem as though they "have it all". I've often noticed with myself that if I'm not careful, it's easy to get sucked into the polished veneer many present to the external world.

It's easy to compare and think, "Wow everyone seems happier than I am" but fortunately, as I'm getting older and getting to know many on a much deeper level, that illusion is steadily starting to crumble. It serves as a constant reminder to me that the western conception of satisfaction/happiness is something that happens at you, but that's not accurate. Satisfaction is actually an austerity that one has to practice as explained in the Bhagavad-gita.

It's so easy to put the blame on "the universe", Krsna or anybody else who gets in the way of our desires. But the only person we should hold accountable for our satisfaction, or more likely, lack thereof, is ourselves. Truth be told, that never sits right with me! LOL! I know it's the truth, but it doesn't and if I reflect I can only come to the conclusion it's because I don't want to take responsibility of my satisfaction. As almost everything else, it's so easy to put the blame or obligation on someone else.

So what to do if you're like me? Someone who knows that they are responsible for their own satisfaction but still finds it difficult to take full responsibility for it. The only conclusion I've come to is to associate with those who actually take responsibility for their satisfaction. You'll notice that those who do, spend much more time trying to help others by giving them Krsna who ultimately is the only person who can fill that Krsna sized hole in our hearts. Furthermore, they are grateful and positive. They don't focus on what went wrong or who supposedly caused them pain, but instead practically live the words Lord Brahma once spoke:

tat te 'nukampāḿ su-samīkṣamāṇo
bhuñjāna evātma-kṛtaḿ vipākam
hṛd-vāg-vapurbhir vidadhan namas te
jīveta yo mukti-pade sa dāya-bhāk

My dear Lord, one who earnestly waits for You to bestow Your causeless mercy upon him, all the while patiently suffering the reactions of his past misdeeds and offering You respectful obeisances with his heart, words and body, is surely eligible for liberation, for it has become his rightful claim. SB. 10.14.8

It's December 30, 2011. As many prepare for tomorrow night's festivities or a quiet night in to ring in 2012, I'm revisiting an old resolution. I'd like to take responsibility for my own satisfaction and stop waiting for it to just "come to me." I pray that in 2012 I may develop the proper consciousness to serve the vaisnavas.

Patience and Enthusiasm

2011-11-04T05:33:00.000-07:00

I’ve often been told that I’m extremely enthusiastic. Truth be told, at times I’ve wondered if that was a compliment or a backhanded way of saying something else!

In our Vaisnava tradition enthusiasm is one of the cornerstones that our bhakti journey should rest upon. I’ve always found it quizzical when the inevitable question comes up “How does one become enthusiastic?” There are several responses I’ve heard over the years but the one that always stands out is “Associate with those who are enthusiastic.”

Being enthusiastic, however, is not so difficult. One naturally becomes enthusiastic about something that motivates them, inspires them or enlivens them. I would argue that maintaining enthusiasm in our day to day sadhana and services is what is more challenging. It’s easy to feel enthusiastic for a second, an hour, a day or perhaps even a week. But we, in the line of the great Vaisnava acaryas, aspire for more. We aspire for lifetime upon lifetime of consistent and ever increasing enthusiasm to not only serve Krsna but to serve the Vaisnavas.

In a lecture I was recently listening to, the dual workings of patience and enthusiasm was highlighted and as the proverbial saying goes a light bulb finally went on in my head. I’ve often found it almost contradictory that both of these qualities are extremely important in the cultivation of bhakti. In my experience, being enthusiastic often results in me wanting something right now, whereas patience requires just that- patience which is something that I firmly believe Krsna has on his priority list for me to acquire right along with humility!

However, as was explained in the lecture, having one without the other can lead to a recipe for disaster. If one is simply patient and waits and waits and waits without investing any action, nothing will come of it. Conversely, if one is extremely enthusiastic and is not patient then if the results of one’s endeavor do not come immediately, one may become disheartened and give up altogether.

It is often proclaimed “Work as though everything depends upon you and pray knowing everything is dependent upon God (Krsna).” In that one sentence one can find patience and enthusiasm as the underlying seeds which need to be planted in order for the flower of Krsna bhakti to blossom. In fact, it will lead us to the coveted goal we should all aspire towards- steadiness in service, in sadhana and in our consciousness of Krsna at all times.

So the next time you feel yourself getting extremely enthusiastic or feel as though Krsna may be testing you by making you wait for something, remember that it’s not just patience or just enthusiasm that are required to advance. It’s both.

Knowledge vs. Realization

2011-08-25T21:26:00.000-07:00

Jnana is defined as knowledge and Vijnana as realized knowledge. It's the difference between intellectually knowing that we are not this body and actually acting on the platform of "I am not this body." Tonight I was speaking to a very senior mentor of mine and in answer to a question he simply said, "You are on the mental platform." Agreed. I'm pretty sure I'm one of those people who is always on the mental platform! But it got me thinking- then where is the stepping stone between jnana and vijnana? As I began reading some excerpts from Srila Prabhupada's letters to various disciples, I felt I received an instantaneous answer:

"Keep on with the practice of writing articles; in the midst of your heavy duties go on writing something glorifying the Lord and put our philosophy into words. Writing articles means to express oneself how he is understanding the whole philosophy. So this writing is necessary for everyone." Letter to Giriraj, August 12, 1971.

In between the little knowledge that is in my head and (one day) the grace of Krsna actually giving me complete realization of that knowledge, is the stepping stone of understanding. We can understand knowledge to different levels but it may not still be completely manifested in our hearts.

Krsna is so merciful. He is always giving hope! Even if something hasn't fully become realized in our hearts, the process of Krsna Consciousness is so powerful that 1. Krsna in one second can give full realization if he wants to and 2. if we sincerely and seriously practice this precious gift of Krsna consciousness, our understanding will mature and one day bloom into the juicy fruit of realization.

A Meager Offering

2011-08-23T19:54:00.001-07:00

Dearest Srila Prabhupada,

Please accept my humble obeisances in the dust of your lotus feet.
All glories to your divine appearance!
All glories to your causeless mercy!

It's 10:54pm on the most auspicious occasion of your appearance and I am still in the process of composing what will probably remain an inadequate offering. My problem lies in the fact that it is impossible to express my gratitude in words and even harder to choose amongst your unlimited good qualities!

I was trying so hard to eloquently compose something beautiful when now, at this late hour, I am realizing I can only hope to convey what is in my heart. Srila Prabhupada, this summer, what to speak of this past year, has been so interesting. So many lessons, so many opportunities, so many challenges and most importantly so much mercy to absorb.

Amongst all that, one theme keeps coming up- unwavering determination and faith. Determination to serve for the sake of service without any preference or expectation for recognition. Determination to always behave like a vaisnava, which is actually extremely difficult for uncultured individuals such as myself. Determination to do one's duty and carry out the orders of the spiritual master without any expectation for the outcome of the results. And most importantly, faith that Krsna always knows what's best and to put full trust in Him.

You, my dear Srila Prabhupada, exemplify all this. You personify what Krsna speaks to Arjuna in the Bhagavad-gita:

vyavasāyātmikā buddhir
ekeha kuru-nandana
bahu-śākhā hy anantāś ca
buddhayo 'vyavasāyinām

Those who are on this path are resolute in purpose, and their aim is one. O beloved child of the Kurus, the intelligence of those who are irresolute is many-branched. Bg. 2.41

In the translation, you give us a beautiful definition of what vyavasāyātmikā means- resolute in Krsna consciousness. You personify this. Your resoluteness in Krsna consciousness is the reason why we are all here today. You faced what seemed to be countless insurmountable challenges, but you never wavered. You took so much shelter in the instructions of your spiritual master HDG Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Goswami. In fact, you always said "My spiritual master is always with me."

Such faith and determination does not come cheaply. It is a result of great realization, trust and surrender. It is no doubt that you are a pure devotee who is so dear to Krsna and yet you came to the material world, undergoing all types of trials and tribulations just to save ungrateful individuals like myself who have no idea, even after so many years, what it actually means to be Krsna conscious.

My dear Srila Prabhupada, on this day of your glorious appearance, please first of all forgive me for procrastinating and only writing this offering at the last minute! Secondly, please give me that determination and faith you had in your spiritual master so that I too can follow in your footsteps and the footsteps of those who follow you. Please allow me to see every challenge or obstacle as a gift and allow me to feel gratitude and imbibe the lessons that Krsna is trying to teach me. Please allow me to have complete trust and faith in the Holy names of Krsna. I long for the day when I can say with full confidence and realization that everything is in Krsna's holy names.

Your aspiring servant and granddaughter,
Vrndavana Vinodini dasi

We Get What We Can Handle

2011-08-21T00:10:00.000-07:00

We've all heard the saying that "God only gives us what we can handle." I'm sure most would probably agree that sometimes we've felt, "I can't handle this. I don't know how true that statement is!" Of course whether we realize it soon after, or even in this lifetime, it's true. Krsna only does give us what we can handle whether it be in the form of glory, frustration, happiness or challenges.

I was speaking about this with a dear friend yesterday and we got to unpacking this statement. What does it actually mean? As she spoke about the lives of pure devotees and the tests that they face, a realization sprung up. Perhaps only giving us what we can handle doesn't only apply in the sense of our physical or emotional capacity, what if we looked at it from the perspective of learning lessons?

Personally, I have always looked at "Krsna's giving me what I can handle" from the viewpoint of strength- "Can I deal with this?" It's a valid perspective, especially when one is caught up in the moment.

However, when we look at the lives of those advanced bhakti yogis and yoginis, that's not their primary focus. Of course, that's not to say that we should imitate them artificially, but we can learn from them. I was recently reading HH Radhanth Swami's book "The Journey Home" over again and upon this second reading I was struck by the wonderful outlook Radhanath Swami takes. Never does Maharaja complain asking "Why is this happening to me?" Instead, Maharaja is always looking to understand how each circumstance is moulding him in his quest of self-discovery and finding the Absolute Truth.

Srila Prabhupada said during a conversation that took place in Teheran on August 11, 1976, "But before coming to the post of recognized devotee, Krsna tests very severely. That one has to pass." When we examine the lives of recognized devotees like Prahalad Maharaja we can unequivocally see it's not just because "They can handle it," it's because they know what to do with the tests- every test was an opportunity to turn to Krsna.

It's the same principle we hear in scripture of how the spiritual teacher will only chastise those who can accept it because for others that same chastisement may only serve to weaken or destroy their faith in Krsna. That acceptance may include learning we have certain anarthas and having to work on it, being corrected in our behaviour or even being properly trained in devotional service. As we imbibe this guidance we should always see it in context with our ultimate goal: to become staunch servants of the devotees and Krsna.

We are just like diamonds. The formation of natural diamonds requires very high temperatures and pressure, conditions I'm sure we've all experienced before! But, if we remain patient, like the diamond, we to will become something of great beauty and value that can be offered to Krsna.

Opportunities and Surrender

2011-08-16T15:51:00.000-07:00

Opportunities and surrender. It seems to be the theme for this Summer of 2011. Opportunities to travel, to meet new people, to explore opportunities and most importantly to see the lesson in every situation.

That's become my definition of surrender- to see the lesson I need to learn in every circumstance I find myself in. What can I learn from this? What is Krsna trying to teach me? What unwanted qualities are holding me back from allowing me to embrace Krsna's plan for me?

Although it's so easy to compare and bemoan that Krsna may "appear" to be more merciful to others, it's actually the coward's way out. It's another ploy on the part of my fickle mind to shift responsibility and play the blame game. But what's the use?

Instead of feeling a sense of satisfaction, I feel a loss of control and instead of exercising the free will that Krsna has given me, I act like an ungrateful fool by trying to toss it back into His face.

I forget I have a choice. That free will can be spent in understanding that in spite of the choices I make, Krsna is so merciful that He is trying to take me back to Him. Whatever lessons, whatever successes and whatever failures, He is beside me. He is the one person who will never give up on me and will always be there to encourage me.

Little by little, I get glimpses of that encouragement when I step back and take stalk of what Krsna is trying to teach me. Although at times it can be exhausting, and definitely battering to my false ego, there is also a refreshing sense of freedom.

That freedom frees me from the false illusions that I have about myself and in turn presents opportunities that may have never come otherwise. It makes complete sense doesn't it? Only when we let go of those things that are holding us back can we be open to whatever will help us to move forward.

Although completely logical, it can also be hard to apply practically. That is why I'm so grateful to all my mentors, friends, parents and well-wishers who act as my role models in always seeking to find Krsna in all aspects of their lives. Thank you for giving me the inspiration and encouragement to follow in your footsteps.

Rediscovering the Magic of Krsna Consciousness All Over Again

2011-07-07T13:38:00.000-07:00

As an aspiring bhakti practitioner, I'm well aware of how easy it is to start seeing everything I do in my day to day life as routine. Chanting, deity worship, reading, associating with devotees- all of it can become mundane if we don't go deeper than the superficial coverings. Sometimes we may feel that Krsna consciousness has lost the "freshness" and have to seek ways to rediscover that feeling.

Recently, I was fortunate to go on a retreat facilitated by HH Devamrta Swami and HG Bada Hari prabhu. The retreat was for newcomers offering an escape from the rigamaroles of everyday material life and an opportunity to discover the great jewels bhakti has to offer in the forms of kirtan, prasadam and deep devotion-centric discussions.

Upon hearing about the retreat, I immediately wanted to invite three people. Two of them were ladies I had distributed books to and had developed friendships with. The other was a student who regularly attends the Bhakti Yoga Club at the University of Ottawa.

Upon inviting Marcelle and Geoff, both immediately said yes. Unfortunately, Nadia, whom I have the great honour of regularly reading the Gita with, was unable to make it.

The weekend of the retreat came upon us and I was both trepedatious and excited. The potential for this trip being a life transforming journey for both these individuals was unbelievable. How many relative newcomers to Krsna consciousness get an opportunity to get one-one time with devotees of the highest caliber such as HH Devamrta Swami and HG Bada Hari prabhu for two and a half days? Not only that, but to have the association of like-minded individuals with a genuine thirst to dive deeper in bhakti can be rare.

Although I was happily engaged either in kirtan or cooking for most of the retreat, two moments stand out for me during those two and a half days. Those moments allowed me to fall in love with Krsna consciousness all over again. One morning, over half the participants got up early out of their own volition and chanted japa. The main room where the programs were being held became completely surcharged with the vibration of the holy name. In that space, I'll never forget looking over the participants, and in particular Geoff and seeing him with eyes closed, a look of determination on his face chanting the holy names of Krsna.

The second moment was during the final kirtan. HH Devamrta Swami simply took us out of the material world with his kirtan. Every single participant, was dancing. It was as though no one had a say in the matter! Everyone had to dance. After dancing and dancing and dancing, finally the kirtan came to conclusion and sitting down everyone sang in unison, hands outstretched and a look of complete bliss on their faces.

That is what Krsna consciousness is all about. Feeling a sense of connection to the holy names and the devotees. Although I may have passed along the message and invited both Geoff and Marcelle to come, they gave me the greatest gift during this retreat. Watching their experiences allowed me to rediscover the magic of Krsna consciousness all over again.

Fully Present

2011-06-06T16:01:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had someone's full attention? I'm not talking about the few flashes of eye contact you get while the person you're talking to you is simultaneously trying to have a bbm conversation with someone else. No. I'm talking about full on 100% attention.

It's so rare. The natural tendency of a living entity is to to love and be loved. In the process of trying to be loved and not attaining success, oftentimes the living entity tries to find some way to seek attention. Whether it's through laughter, dramatic story telling, looking beautiful etc etc, my realization is that all of these things we pursue are really for one thing alone- to be loved. We feel as though by doing something extraordinary then somehow the world we live in will wake up and finally pay us the attention that we're due.

But what happens when despite doing nothing at all, someone gives you that attention so freely and without any expectation in return? It becomes overwhelming. I had such an experience this weekend. HG Vaisesika prabhu and his wonderful wife Nirakula prabhu are two examples of individuals who give you their undivided attention.

When they speak to you, it's as though no one else exists. They fan any small spark or dying ember of any good quality that may be buried inside you and magnify it a million fold. It's actually unbelievable until you experience it for yourself.

What a gift! Persons who have been so fortunate to experience this type of undivided attention are often at a loss to describe what it feels like. It's so deep, so profound and gives a glimpse of how things must be in the spiritual world.

It also serves as a great inspiration as to what we should aspire for. We all should strive to ensure every interaction we have with every living entity leaves an indelible impression upon them.

All we need to do is remember Srila Prabhupada. Whether it was months of association, a one sentence instruction or even just a smile, those who came in contact with Srila Prabhupada have described how they'll never forget how they felt a deep sense of love and connection with him. It is our duty to not imitate but follow in his footsteps. After all, it's part of our family business to be fully present and conscious. :)

Belonging

2011-05-23T09:00:00.000-07:00

Ever get the feeling that you just don't belong? Maybe the last time was during your teenage years where you walked into a social gathering knowing no one at all. We all long for a sense of belonging, a sense that "we fit in".

For some time now I feel that I just don't belong. I have wonderful friends, a loving family and so many well-wishers that one might suggest that my problem is due to the fact that I'm not grateful for the gifts that have been given to me. That's very true. I'll admit I'm not a grateful person and it's something I need to work on, but lately I feel as though it's something more.

Deep down I believe this sense of "not belonging" is due to a lack of permanency. Not only the lack of permanency in my own life but the constant change that is constantly surrounding everyone and everything I am associated to and with. I know many others I have spoken to have also shared that they experience this. The material world is said to be real yet impermanent. My realization is that it is hard "to belong" to anyone or anything when an expiration date is part of the package deal.

Relationships, situations, perspectives....they all change. I guess that's the lesson that Krsna is trying to teach me and that I don't want to accept. That despite whatever I am experiencing, He is the one permanent person that will never change, never leave and will always be there. Theoretically the concept is locked into my brain but on the basis of faith, I think I have a long way to go. Ultimately that is the lesson, isn't it?

So despite feeling as though I don't belong and I'm not connected, I aspire to embrace these feelings so that I can depend on Krsna more. On the most Krsna conscious perspective (which unfortunately is not the one I'm operating on :P) this is the greatest blessing. Most of the time our problem lies in the fact that we feel that the material world is our home and that all our pastimes here is what can sustain us. Although I feel like a small ship that is being tossed about in the rough seas and winds of change and upheaval, I pray that the steady anchor of Krsna's mercy will provide a safe haven keeping me safely enveloped in His merciful glance.

Face-Face Time

2011-05-15T14:16:00.000-07:00

At present when I look around me it's a bit jarring to see how the days appear to pass by in a blink of an eye. Everyone, including myself, is always "busy."

I notice that when I'm literally running through my week, this all feels normal. This is the way life is supposed to be, no problem. It's only when I take the time to reflect, does it feel extremely artificial. What happened to the days when you could just call someone without having to make an appointment with them or drop in just to visit?

I was at the wedding this past weekend and it gladdened my heart to get some quality time with some of my devotee friends. Instead of having to email, Skype or text someone to schedule a few minutes to hear their thoughts, realizations and engage in an emotional exchange, it happened spontaneously and organically.

That's what happens when everyone is together- there is a chance to actually connect. I have never personally been a huge fan of the telephone or email although its become two of the most convenient mediums to communicate through. There's something about sitting in front of someone and seeing their big grin, hand gestures, head nodding or toe tapping that just can't be translated via an emoticon no matter how creative they become.

These are the moments in time the camera of our mind captures. These are the things that will get us through the doldrums of material existence that each and every one of us will have to face. Whenever an opportunity presents itself to spend time with one another, we should try grab it. In order for us to love Krsna, we need to love his devotees. The easiest way to do that is spend time with them.

However insane my life gets, that's what I want to do. Prioritize spending face-face time with the devotees. Whether it be speaking Krsna katha over a plate of some yummy prasadam or hanging out in a hotel room catching up on on someone's life, it's a valuable gift. Thank you to all those I got a chance to serve with and speak to this past weekend. I cherish it and hope that the opportunity to spend time with you comes soon!

Lessons Series: Promises to Oneself

2010-12-28T06:16:00.001-08:00

That time of year is almost upon us...the beginning of the New Year. It appears to be one of the few times that society in general takes a quick breather to take a look back and reflect upon the year that's passed by. Remarks like, "I can't believe it's gone by so fast," fill the air and there is a sense of disbelief and awe.

It's also the time when New Year's resolutions get thrown around. "This year I'm going to do x, y and z," are easily proclaimed and are even more quickly forgotten. As someone who has broken countless promises to herself, it saddens me. Why do I not take myself seriously?

As a child, and even now, my favorite book of all time has to be the Mahabharata. It has it all- intrigue, comedy, friendship, romance, drama and so much more. If I had to pick my favorite tragic hero in this great story, it would have to be Karna.

A striking incident that happened in Karna's life explains why. When Karna was born, he was adorned with a protective armor and earrings. It was said that it would always protect him and he would never die if he didn't take it off. Knowing this, Lord Indra (the father of Arjuna), schemed to part Karna with these protective features. Knowing that Karna had a weakness for brahmanas and that he had vowed he would always give whatever someone asked of him, Indra disguised himself as a brahmana. Receiving Indra, disguised as a brahamana, very nicely and serving him, Karna asked him what he could do for him. Indra at that time asked for his armor and earrings. Karna explained what these ornaments meant but Indra was insistent. Without hesitation, Karna cut off these ornaments from his body and laid it at Indra's feet and thus satisfied him.

That's how important it was for Karna to keep his vow. It meant so much to him, that he was willing to do whatever it took to keep it. Such was the character of Karna, what to speak of so many other exalted personalities in the Mahabharata and in our Gaudiya Vaisnava lineage.

In my opinion, this is the greatest strength of character- to keep promises to oneself. I know that I have argued on several occasions that it's easier to keep promises to others because they will catch me if I hesitate or break them, but it's just an excuse. We are always held accountable by the Supersoul. Krsna is watching everything we are doing and he is watching every time I break a promise I've made to myself.

I too would like to imbibe the genuine meaning of what vow actually means. The great soberness and heaviness that comes attached with it is something I am fearful of but I am actually the fool if I think that it isn't possible to accomplish. The entire Guru parampara is there, just waiting to help if I ask for it. As HH Bhaktimarga Swami once said during an initiation ceremony, "You have joined the strong, so you have no excuse to be weak."

I'm done with being weak. I want to become strong.

Lessons Series: Filling in the Gaps

2010-12-11T17:43:00.000-08:00

Ever try to really focus at a task at hand? So difficult! As aspiring chanters, we get a daily reality check when we sit down to chant our japa. Is it any wonder that we either can't focus, get easily distracted or even worse don't even bother attempting?

Chanting is a reflection of how determined and how sincerely we are attempting to become conscious. Even in doing seemingly "mundane" activities we often hear others bemoan that even simple tasks take them so long because it's impossible to focus. I realize that in myself it's not even a question of trying sometimes, but more a matter of simply giving up.

I was mentioning this to a senior devotee today. In my efforts to become more determined and directed in my life, it's hard to be patient when we are endeavoring for something. "There's only so many hours in a day I can try to focus, if even that!" I proclaimed. Sympathizing with me, she stated, "The most important thing is to fill in those gaps of time, when we are not focused on a specific task, properly. We must do our due diligence in endeavoring, but it's when we don't utilize the remaining time in strengthening our sadhana, that's when doubts may start to creep in. An idle mind is a devil's workshop."

Reflecting on her powerful words, I realized my problem. It's not only about focusing on one's efforts on specific tasks, it's about always endeavoring to remain focused. Oftentimes I say to new people, "Krsna consciousness is a way of life." But am I living the statement that I make? It should mean that every "gap" I have in my day should be used more productively. Whether it be reading, chanting or listening to Krsna katha, it's our choice whether we want to be focused.

Of course one should not artificially try to jump to an elevated level, but recognition is the beginning. Little by little, even if it is in increments of five minutes a day, switching from space out mode to KC mode can make a huge difference. It's my hope and goal that I can fill in the gaps by becoming more Krsna focused which will naturally help me become more Krsna conscious.

Lessons Series- Tolerance

2010-12-10T17:50:00.001-08:00

Every moment, every encounter and every situation is actually a lesson if we just take the time to recognize it. Personally, I think I am afraid of lessons for the simple fact that I'm afraid to fail. So instead of recognizing it as an opportunity to grow and learn, I instead try to ignore it and pretend they don't exist.

Sometimes, however, no matter how hard we try to run and hide, Krsna arranges a situation where you can't help but introspect. Yesterday that lesson was tolerance. I was getting onto a bus mentally preparing myself for a five hour drive. I carefully tried to pick a seat and prayed and prayed that nobody would sit next to me. Just as I thought I was in the clear, someone sat down. "Grumble, grumble," was the state of my consciousness.

Resigning myself to the fact that this was the way things were, I settled in for the ride. Immediately my ears were assailed by really loud music. I'm not talking just loud- it was ear-splitting. Twisting myself in my seat, I searched for the source. Behind me, earphones in his ears was a gentleman playing music on his laptop. What could I say? He had earphones in his ears and yet the music was blaring.

Fuming silently, I mentally was wondering "Why, oh why, did I choose this seat? Why am I being subjected to this?" As I was wondering, it suddenly dawned upon me- he wasn't just listening to any music but some Gospel music talking about the power of God.

Although it was loud, and one could argue intrusive to the others surrounding him, it made me realize how little tolerance I have. I wasn't in a situation where there was jarring rock music pounding in my ears or even worse a string of obscenities blasting out, instead the refrain kept repeating "The power of God, the power of God."

In his own way, this person was sharing the Lord's glories. Instead of looking at the positive, I was absorbed in my own comforts and was failing to recognize that. As I pulled on my own headphones and searched for some kirtan, I realized that tolerance is not something superficial. It means having true understanding and respect for others. Although I am not tolerant and didn't practice tolerance in that situation, I got a glimpse of my own progress in that regard.

Apparently though, Krsna didn't think that was enough! My strategy when taking long rides is to sleep. An ignorant escape, but at least one that makes the time pass by faster! As I listened to some kirtan, I slowly fell asleep only to wake up suddenly. There was a tapping noise that persisted.

Barely containing my frustration, I didn't know what to think. On one hand it sounded like someone was pounding on a keyboard and typing very quickly. Immediately I assigned the culprit to be this poor gentlemen behind me. Turning up the volume, I tried to escape. Slowly, intelligence sunk in and I realized that I had assigned blame too hastily. Indeed, it was the chair I was sitting in and no one else!

There was no where to move and nothing to do but tolerate. Such a small thing that could cause me to react so drastically internally. There was no way to take it other than recognizing it was Krsna's arrangement.

Upon reaching home, I could only laugh. Krsna is such a trickster! Normally I would do everything in my power to try to change or get out of a situation that requires tolerance, but he kept me trapped. Looking back, I recognize it was great mercy. I had an opportunity to listen to kirtan, try to absorb myself in some lectures (as a means of escaping the tapping sound) and introspect. Things I like to do, but often "don't have time to do."

I pray that I develop this most valuable jewel of tolerance. As aspiring chanters, it is the ornament we all must wear that will enable us to chant constantly.

Purity in the Moment

2010-11-01T13:05:00.000-07:00

Mesmerized. I was trapped. Nay, I was ensconced in the maha mantra. Framed by two sweet girls, a mere eight years in age, I was rendered speechless. The sound of the holy names emanating from their lips reverberated through the ignorance and materialistic cavern that I call my heart. Completely untainted. Their voices unhurriedly chanting Krsna's names. The purity of their heart, uncluttered with screaming desires pierced the ether. Just for a fraction of a moment I could feel it. The potency. The strength. The love.

New Vraja Dham

2010-09-06T03:22:00.000-07:00

After years of hearing about and dreaming about Sri Sri Radhe Shyam, this year I was granted entrance into their most amazing abode- New Vraja Dham (NVD). NVD is a beautiful farm community that is located a few hours away from Budapest. This hidden gem is nestled in the Hungarian country-side in what is known as Krishna Valley (aka: Krisna-Volgy).

Along with many others, I have seen pictures, videos and have heard live recordings of kirtans and lectures that have taken place here. However, it is impossible to actually imagine what NVD is actually like. Having heard that there is barely any electricity and of how it is austere, I had such misconceptions coming in. Were they ever shattered!

Everything is absolutely first class. The cleanliness, the overall design, the esthetic appeal, the homes, the guest facilities, the devotees, EVERYTHING is permeated with the overall mood of NVD- love for Sri Sri Radhe Shyam.

Radhe Shyam are the life and soul of the devotees here. In fact, until coming here, I have never experienced (outside of Mayapur) a community where the sole focus of living their lives is to serve their beloved Lordships. In every conversation Radhe Shyam comes up over and over and over again. How They look, what They like, what more we can do for Them, how to improve our service. Everything is about Radhe Shyam.

Granted, I had come during the Janmastami festival, but now the festival is over and still the conversations are the same. The love that resonates in the eyes of the devotees here when they speak of Radhe Shyam is something I only beg and pray to the cintamani dust of NVD to bestow upon me.

All the holy places of Vrndavana are found here in NVD. Everywhere you look you will find a past-time place of Sri Sri Radhe Shyam- Govardhan hill, Varsana, Janmasthan (birth place of Lord Krsna), Gokula, Kaliya Ghat, Kokilavana, Bahulavana, Radha Kunda, Shyam Kunda- everything is here.

The tremendous service spirit which is so lovingly nurtured and cared for by HH Sivarama Swami is so intense. Nothing is too difficult or impossible to do for the pleasure of Sri Sri Radhe Shyam.

I pray to Sri Sri Radhe Shyam that they bless me with this wonderful service attitude and that that they may always keep me at their lotus feet.

Fitting It Together

2010-08-27T18:19:00.000-07:00

Everywhere you look there are people who seem to have it made. Whether it be materially, spiritually, physically or emotionally, you name it and they seem to have it. Those well-put together strangers who walk by you on the street and bewilder you into thinking, "If only I looked like that."

It's the endless comparison game. That game which your mind plays that results in self-doubt and dissatisfaction. It's hard to control this mind-game from recurring especially when we reach certain stages in our life where we feel, "I didn't imagine myself to be here right now."

But if we were to take a survey of all those strangers or friends or friends of friends who our mind compares us to, we would probably find that most of them probably aren't satisfied or as put together as we thought they were.

In those trying times it's easier to get through them by looking at things from a different perspective. Our sojourn through this lifetime is like a jigsaw puzzle. It's exciting to shake all the pieces out of the box originally but putting it together takes patience and determination. As time progresses, we'll notice that some pieces fit together very easily, some we may not find for awhile (not realizing that they were still in the box) and others may be the ones we were sure fit together only to realize later on we forced them to when in reality those pieces belonged elsewhere.

The uncertainty and challenges we face are similar to constructing that jigsaw puzzle. It's only by persevering and changing our perspective can we ultimately finish the puzzle. As important as it is to focus on the big picture, sometimes it's just as important to work on small parts. Building momentum and gathering confidence helps us in sorting the rest of it out.

As well, it's important to note that puzzles come in all shapes and sizes. Comparing how one puzzle fits together with a different one is ludicrous. Yet, that is exactly what we do with ourselves. We are all unique individuals and similarly our situations, personalities and outlooks are different from everyone elses. This idea of comparing myself with others generally doesn't help anyone figure out their own puzzle.

At the end of the day Krsna already knows what our life will look like. We just need to have firm faith in Him and continue trying to fit the pieces together.

Breathe In

2010-08-26T18:27:00.001-07:00

I was speaking to a dear friend today and we were talking about determination and enthusiasm in practicing bhakti yoga. She was mentioning how sometimes she finds it difficult to be steady and I just looked at her and said, "Only sometimes? Wow, you're doing well!"

Isn't it a fact? It's hard to remain consistent and focused on any discipline, what to speak of a spiritual discipline. Practicing mantra meditation, reading and performing some type of service isn't much. But, throw in school/work, family, friends, Facebook (:P) and of course that crazy, turbulent mind and all of a sudden that "isn't much" turns into a heavy burden.

At the end of the day, it really depends on where our priorities lie. At different stages in life, those priorities may shift and we have to be willing to adjust and re-adjust. However, the number one priority should always remain the same- our spiritual sadhana. Whenever I say I'm too busy it's code for: I know I should make my sadhana my priority but either due to laziness or lack of motivation I'm not going to.

So how can I kick out that laziness or lack of motivation? Because let's face it, as bhakti yogis most of us know that our sadhana is what keeps us connected to Krsna and therefore is our lifeline in this ocean of confusion we live in. So it's not a lack of knowledge that's the problem. When this happens to me, I can chalk it up to a lack of inspiration.

For me, inspiration means to see in action what I want to do or be. It means having a role model. Seeing someone walk the talk. That's truly inspiration. It's important to note that of our three-fold check and balance system (Guru, Sadhu and Sastra) two of them are personalities and the third is filled with exemplary personalities.

Looking up the etymology of the word inspiration, I discovered the root is from the Latin word breathe. In fact, to inspire is to "breathe in". Metaphorically that's what we do when we are inspired. We breathe in another person's mentality, outlook, determination, etc, etc... We get rejuvenated by breathing in fresh air and releasing our old, stale outlook. Just as we cannot subsist on stale air, similarly we cannot subsist on degraded thoughts.

In fact, if our air supply was cut off what would we do? We would do whatever it took to locate another source. This is how important seeking spiritual inspiration should be in our lives. We should constantly be searching for it and if for whatever reason we lose inspiration, we should go to any length to find it.

A nice meditation to reflect on the next time you breathe in.

Be Blessed...

2010-08-25T18:02:00.000-07:00

"Get blessings." It's a common phrase we hear among those who frequent bhakti circles. But what does it mean to get blessings? Are they really necessary? And most importantly, can anyone give blessings?

When one genuinely wishes well for another person, that's a blessing. It's something that comes from the heart and cannot be faked or contrived. It means the one who is blessing is praying to the Lord to help guide and send auspiciousness into the life of the one receiving the blessings.

In this age of self-sufficiency and independence, the importance and role of blessings has almost faded away. Speaking for myself, it's imperative that I am constantly reminded on how nothing in my life can happen without blessings. Having grown up in an environment of "be the creator of your own destiny" and "you have the power to make it happen" it's easy to forget that. Definitely we must endeavor, but it has to be within the framework of blessings.

It's that framework that protects us and guides us because in order to receive blessings, we need to open our minds and heart. To do so, we need to genuinely take shelter and accept guidance and advice from those we are seeking blessings from. When we submit in this way, we are unlocking the hearts of those persons' and naturally blessings are a natural reciprocation. Who wouldn't wish the very best to someone who genuinely feels that they need help?

But it's important to note that there are all types of blessings. This idea of simply asking blessings for the sake of blessings has permeated many a person's consciousness, but there's something so much higher. Anyone who has even some saintly qualities will give blessings if asked, because in the simplest sense blessings simply mean to wish well for another. But, to get the genuine, real blessings there's no easier way to receive these than through service. Service not only attracts the heart of the devotee but ultimately the heart of Srimati Radharani herself.

It's Radharani's grace, those blessings, that descend upon us through the devotees that have the power to make anything happen. That's what it means to get blessings- to have the well-wishes of the devotees and the merciful side-long glace of Srimati Radharani protecting you.

So what are you waiting for? Go on and be blessed.

Taking It All In

2010-08-24T17:46:00.000-07:00

This summer has been filled with so many experiences and emotions.

But through it all though, I've been haunted by one thought, "Am I really taking it all in?" At the end of the day it's the in between moments that really have the greatest impact on me. It's that one realization that Krsna suddenly gives to you during a particularly trying circumstance, that smile of infinite contentment you see wash over a dear friend's face for a split second or the loving chastisement of a true well-wisher. That's what really has an impact on my own sojourn in trying to become a devotee of Krsna.

I was reflecting on that today, actually giving myself time to relive the experiences I've had the honour of observing and living. Time which is otherwise consumed by hours on e-mail, Facebook and all kinds of other escapes I willingly embrace.

The first thing that came to my head was my friend Sara. I had the great fortune of meeting Sara in Vancouver this summer where we both participated in the Namamrta program faciliated by HH Bhakti Brhat Bhagavata Swami. This program is dedicated to helping devotees improve their japa in the venue of Srila Prabhupada's temples and following the full temple program.

Sara attended the program in full and was one of my greatest inspirations because her sincerity and realizations were so deep for one who had only started practicing bhakti yoga a mere few months before. I'll never forget her realization which she shared with all of us after our dedicated day of chanting more than 64 rounds. She was explaining how throughout the day she kept moving around trying to find a place where she could chant attentively. Finally, when all else failed, she sought out the Tulasi greenhouse. She said, "It was the only place where I could chant attentively, in the presence of Tulasi Maharani." Later on she sought me out and asked me to take a picture of Srimati Tulasi devi so that she could print it out and have it at home. She explained she wanted to chant in front of that picture everyday.

I was completely awe-struck. Here was this amazing devotee, seemingly new, who had already developed a rare and precious relationship with Srimati Tulasi Maharani. I revisit that moment often, especially when I see Tulasi Maharani.

I reflect on this one incident and then feel overwhelmed when I think of how many more are just waiting to be re-visited, to be truly imbibed in my heart. Although these moments seem to have come and gone, the true journey is just beginning- to take it all in.

Close Friendships

2010-07-28T12:56:00.001-07:00

In the past two days I was reflecting on how important it is to have genuinely close devotee friendships. In today's day and age it's a challenge.

Most of us don't live in temples and the only time we may see one another is once a week at the Sunday feast. How is it possible to develop a friendship based on seeing someone once a week, especially if our "busy" lives don't allow us to communicate with one another during the week?

I know for myself, many of my close friendships during my university days came through school. The main reason being that you see one another EVERY day and go through the same experiences together. This brings those close bonds.

Similarly my closest devotee friends are those that I have had the great fortune of living with. Somehow Krsna has showered his unlimited blessings upon me and I have had the great fortune of living with so many wonderful devotees (though I doubt they would say the same thing! :)) Whether it be in Radhadesh, Mayapur, Toronto or Montreal, I cherish those/these times. I have learned and continue to learn so much from them.

In fact, just yesterday, two such friends were speaking to me about how much they feel Krsna in their lives. They were giving examples of different situations they were in and giving their realizations as to how they see Krsna's hand guiding their lives. It was just so powerful. Younger devotees who are genuinely Krsna conscious.

But these precious bonds don't come so cheaply. The investment one has to make is time- the most expensive commodity. I remember HG Kripamoya prabhu once saying that the main reason people stay in a spiritual organization is due to friendships. Everything may be perfect, but if one doesn't feel genuinely cared for, it is very easy to leave.

I feel so overwhelmed thinking of how many people have put effort into cultivating friendships with me. I would like to thank them from the bottom of my heart because I know it is because of their love and care, that I am where I am today.

Full Circle

2010-07-03T20:12:00.000-07:00

I once read a quote comparing a spiral staircase to life stating that we encounter the same lessons over and over but just at different levels.

There is a lot of truth in those words. Over and over I see how lessons, advice and situations come back full circle. When I first moved to Montreal during Kartik it struck me how I was living on the same street where my parents used to live when I was born. I had returned to where I had started (so to speak).

Similarly, I was musing over a conversation I had with my dad today. The gist of it was this- I need to go deeper. It's something I've known I should do for a long time now, but I think what is preventing me is that I'm not able to maintain my determination to remain single-minded and focused.

It reminded me of a conversation I had with my spiritual master once. I had asked him, "What should I look for in a spiritual master?" He replied, "You need someone who grounds you."

Both these conversations hold significant visual images of earth and stability. Krsna Consciousness is a wonderful process, but it is very easy to stay on the superficial, top surface. Whether it be service, relationships, chanting, etc..the list can go on and on. But it's not those "things" that help us, it is the quality of interactions and the consciousness behind it.

Becoming deeper to me means putting down deep roots such as sincerely chanting, hearing and reading. It also takes time. I need to til the soil through introspection. Go through the arduous task of identifying the weeds of my anarthas, take increasing shelter in the nourishing soil of the Holy Name and continue watering those roots with vaisnava sanga.

And what if I don't? Well, I think I'll just keep coming back to this realization: all those lessons, advice and situations I experienced are there for only one purpose- to help me take shelter and go deep in becoming truly Krsna conscious and I'll keep encountering them over and over until I really imbibe them. I pray for the mercy of the vaisnavas that I may be blessed as I re-begin my journey to become and go deeper in hopes of one day becoming a strong, deep-rooted servant.

Calm Down!

2010-04-11T07:36:00.000-07:00

Ever notice when you are chanting that you get the best ideas? You realize that you’ve forgotten to do a million different things and start getting panicked and worried that if you don’t care of it right now then you’ll forget. Or maybe it suddenly hits you that you haven’t been in touch with a dear friend for a long time and you make a grab for your cell phone to send off a quick text message?

Welcome to my world of chanting. It never ceases to amaze me that when I sit down to chant I’m deluged with so many different pressing matters that I wouldn’t have otherwise noticed. It happened to my again today. There I was trying to hear the sound of the holy names when I remembered a deadline for a service I’m engaged in. This is one of the hardest callings to ignore: when reminders of service and ideas for new services start to manifest when one chants. Anxiety started to wash over me, but suddenly from somewhere came a voice that said, “CALM DOWN!”

It was amazing! Immediately I started to calm down. Instead of giving a slew of reasons to stop chanting and get to work immediately on this service, my intelligence actually spoke up for a change and said, “There’s time. Don’t worry. You will get this done and I promise I won’t let you forget.”

As I continued chanting something else came up and this time I actually verbally spoke out the words, “CALM DOWN!” It worked. It also made me realize something. As most of us are practicing bhakti yogis who are trying to balance our material and spiritual lives, we are very busy individuals. When we are not involved with school or work, many are involved with spiritual activities. In the rare instances that we are not swamped, the only thing that most people want to do is relax. Take a break from the mental clutter and just do something effortless.

The problem is that nowhere in our busy lives do we actually make the time to just reflect. We don’t ever give ourselves even a mere 5-10 minutes of private, silent time on a daily basis. Is it any surprise then, when we sit down to chant, that our mind takes opportunity of that time to go crazy and remind us of a million and one things?

In fact, if you really think about it, those thoughts and reminders that creep up are actually disguises for a much deeper problem. They are indirect hints that we are not allowing ourselves to experience emotions. Our excuse for being busy is very convenient since we numb ourselves to all our feelings whether they be positive or negative. That’s why instead of feeling any taste or attachment to the holy names, we feel stress, anxiety, restlessness or any other milieu of emotions. It becomes the only time we actually feel everything we’ve built up inside of us.

How can we feel anything to the holy name when we’ve become so expert at not really feeling anything at all? It may sound crazy, but think about it. With our calendars chock-full of events and things-to-do, it’s not unusual for someone to have more than three things to do on any given day. Where is the time to process what we feel and what other people are feeling in relation to us if we’re just running from one thing to the next?

I’ve begun to notice that those individuals who are really able to dive deep into their chanting are those who actually take the time to introspect and reflect on a daily basis. They will sit in front of the deities or write for some allotted time. Most of the time we run on automatic pilot and try to ignore the mind’s demands because let’s face it, there’s no time. But the mind is just like a child- if you don’t willingly give time, it will just demand and grab it from you at inopportune times. So if you don’t give time to process experiences and emotions, most likely you’ll start to notice that you’ll do it while you are chanting.

So calm down and give yourself a break! There really is enough time in the day and you can afford to take a few minutes for yourself to really experience everything that is going on. It may be that elusive key to experiencing some emotion when chanting the holy names.

You'll be tested

2010-03-19T06:05:00.000-07:00

Do you like giving advice? Do you get a rush of adrenaline and importance? Perhaps it makes you feel useful and valued. Or perhaps it allows you to step out of your own shoes and into someone else's for a few seconds or minutes. Whatever the reason may be, and I'm sure there are millions, the majority of people like to give advice. Few like to receive it. :) It's even been said that if you want to win someone over, all you need to do is ask for advice.

In a world where everyone thinks they have the answers it's actually the ultimate coup for someone to ask for advice for it signifies that the advisor knows more than the askee.

Of course most people know that's it's definitely easier to dish it out than to take it. We've all been there. It's always seems so easy to fix someone else's problems than our own. But what we don't realize is that as aspiring bhakti yogis that there is more to this scenario than meets the eye.

Especially as bhakti yogis, we often are placed in the position of advisors. Since the devotees are kind, compassionate and wish they best for all, others will naturally gravitate towards them. But beware, it's also a test.

Recently I was listening to a lecture by HH Radhanath Swami where he said that has seen numerous examples of this scenario where bhakti yogis have given advice. But here's the catch. Anytime they have given any kind of advice, Krsna has put those persons in a similar, if not exact same situation. Why? Because Krsna is not looking to see if we can just dish out good advice. He wants to make sure that we can walk our talk. If we gave some bhakti-centric advice, Krsna wants to make sure that we also recognize and actively implement that same advice when it applies in our own life.

The devotee is meant to be a role model. What good is a role model that just talks very nicely and never does anything themselves? In fact, real potency or ability to affect others, comes when someone practices what they speak.

So be ready! If you act in a role of an advisor, or confidante or friend or mentor keep your eyes open. Whatever wonderful advice you dispense to others, make sure that you pay attention yourself. The time when you may need to use it yourself maybe coming up sooner than you think.

Searching for the Lesson

2010-02-21T12:40:00.000-08:00

I am searching. Like a lost wanderer searches through the dark, thick jungle for the path back to civilization, I search to find the key to be grateful.

As I search, I realize that I forget about all the blessings that have been bestowed upon me. They represent essential tools like a map, compass and water that assure me of my safe return back to my path. But due to that forgetfulness my meditation focuses on the disturbances. These disturbances are like pebbles, rocks and thick vines that trip me up in my quest and personify forms of annoyance, anger and self-pity.

But how can I brush past these disturbances and focus on the quest? How can I go deeper? The mercy comes in different forms. Even a lost wanderer receives help if they sincerely seek it. My help came in the form of sound vibration.

For the past few weeks I've been listening to one lecture over and over again. I don't listen to any other lecture except for this one and I highly recommend it. It's given by HH Radhanatha Swami and is entitled: "Accept Reversals Gratefully Without Getting Disturbed."

As Maharaja so beautifully elaborates, "One of our diseases that we come into spiritual life with is that we expect things to go our way. More or less we all expect like this. But the problem is if Krsna gave you what you wanted, you probably wouldn’t grow much at all because bhakti is not about getting, bhakti is about seeking shelter."

And THAT is the lesson I search for. That is my path. The lesson that Krsna is giving me what I need so that I can grow. Most of us in our spiritual journeys are lucky to have well-wishers who will chastise us when we most need it. They will tell us things "as it is" whether we like to hear it or not. In fact, there's a name for them: guru. :) Whether siksa or diska, that is what a guru does; they cut away at the illusion that blinds us. Oftentimes that cutting can be painful but if we have faith that they have our best interest at heart, it only increases our love for them.

Similarly this is what Krsna is trying to do. He is trying to elevate us. Instead of just letting me wander back to the path, he wants to bring me home. He is not willing to let me settle for fleeting happiness and instead wants me to experience lasting eternal bliss.

But in order to access that route which Krsna has planned out for me, that path which may be different from the one I have in mind, I need to look inside and access the gratitude that is lying dormant. It will allow me to see him in ever situation and turn to him in my time of need. It will cement the already existing bond that is already there of servant and master.

All I need to do is allow myself to feel the shelter that is already there.

The Moments We Let Go Of

2010-02-02T13:39:00.000-08:00

For awhile now I've been reflecting a lot on gratitude. What does it actually mean? How can we live a life of gratitude?

I had a small glimpse of how I could start to begin to lead a life of gratitude yesterday. Monday is the day that somehow, due to the mercy of Sri Sri Radha Manohara and their devotees, I am getting the great privilege of dressing Them. I gone to Ottawa to visit my parents for the weekend and arrived back late on Sunday just in time to catch the 8pm aarti and grab some of the delicious Sunday feast.

Knowing that I had to get up for mangala aarti the next morning, I set the alarm for 3:30am. It was with a combined sense of grogginess and enthusiasm that I woke up. After getting ready, I headed for the temple and straight to the pujari room to start preparing the clothes and jewelry. To my surprise I saw that they had already been prepared. Instantaneously I knew; the head pujari, having not seen me the night before and being so dedicated and loving, might have thought that I would not come to dress on Monday morning.

After mangala aarti I quickly caught up with her and was overwhelmed by her humility and sweetness. She flashed me a quick grin and said, "You're here. Great. No problem then, go right on ahead. In fact, it will be easier since everything is laid out for you." My heart just melted. Here is a devotee who has dedicated no less than 20 years of steady service of dressing their Lordships. She didn't have to get up early but due to her dedication she had just to make sure Their Lordships would be taken care of. Instantly I had to counter with, "No, please. You got up. If it's ok, I'll dress tomorrow. You please go ahead." After a sweet exchange, she went to dress them and I contentedly went to chant my gayatri and japa.

Upon finishing my gayatri one of the temple presidents came up to me and inquired, "Aren't you supposed to be dressing today?" I was actually overwhelmed at his thoughtfulness. I quickly explained the situation and told him I would be dressing the next day instead. Smiling, he went back to his japa.

Ordinarily, these are just some matter of fact exchanges that could happen to anyone. But I realized something- they aren't ordinary. In fact, these are the moments that we let go of and by letting them go, we also let go of our gratitude for those who care, spiritually nourish and support us. Every moment is an opportunity for us to realize this and although it takes an active effort, the more we recognize them, the more we feel sheltered and protected by Krsna.

Krsna always gives help. We just don't recognize it, but as the saying goes, "Where attention goes, energy flows." One thing I know. It is only by Krsna's energy, through his infinite mercy, that he allowed me to get a small glimpse of how sweet gratitude feels.

Sweet Reunion

2010-01-28T10:47:00.000-08:00

Whew! It's been a long time since I've had a spare moment to write. :( Although so many things have been happening, so many things to be grateful for, most of my reflections have not had the chance to make it to written word. That being said, despite all the things I could share, today I choose to write about a very precious gift Lord Nitayanada gave to me. He is just so magnanimous. Even though it is HIS appearance day, he gave me the greatest gift of all.

Yesterday evening, I accompanied my friend Tanya to a costume shop where she was picking up a costume for the drama she's going to be in tonight. :) Meeting up at her work place, she was still finishing off and so I took the opportunity to chant a few rounds. Upon her arrival, we head to the metro to go to the shop. Chatting and sharing realizations, we arrived at the shop and what a shop it is! It's a mish mash of anything and everything you could possibly think of in terms of clothes, shoes, jewelry, jeans, hats, costumes etc... You name it and most likely it's there.

As we went up the stairs to check out some wigs for an upcoming play, we started discussing what kind of wig would be best for the part. As we started to go through all of them, unfortunately nothing seemed suitable. Heading back down the stairs she rented her costume. Filling out the paper work and other odds and ends, I lounged on a chair and for a fleeting moment thought, "Maybe I should take this opportunity to chant." Thinking that it might be better to chant later, I instead took in the surroundings. Upon finishing everything up, we once again got onto the metro in the direction of the temple. Upon arrival, I took the opportunity to catch up on e-mails.

Having finished my e-mails, I thought, "It's still relatively early, I should finish my last few rounds." Looking into my schoolbag I stuck my hand in expecting to find my bead bag. NOTHING. Stunned, I slowly started turning everything inside out. "Ok, be calm," I coached myself. Turning to my laptop bag, I desperately prayed. NOTHING.

Surprisingly enough I didn't freak out, which normally would be my reaction. Borrowing some beads from a friend, I finished my rounds and all the while prayed and prayed and prayed. It was then I realized something. Everything that facilitated my chanting of the Hare Krishna mantra was in that bead bag and I was desperately lost without it.

In the asrama, my eyes happened to fall upon a calendar with Prabhupada quotes. Reading the quote for January 27, I was stunned:

"Some, something has dropped in the water, in the river, you cannot see the things dropped within the water by agitating the water. Just stand still for sometimes. As soon as the water is settled up, you'll see the things as they are. So as soon as our enthusiasm is agitated, it is better to sit down in any temple suitable and chant Hare Krsna. There is no question of being disappointed. After all, we commit so many mistakes. That is human nature. To err is human. That is not fault. But try to rectify with cool head. That is required." NOD Lectures, Calcutta, January 27, 1973

WOW! I felt an instant sensation of reciprocation. Krsna was reassuring me, calm was the way to go. Keep a cool head. It is only possible to rectify with a cool head.

That night before going to sleep I meditated about my lost bead bag. I could see and even feel everything so clearly Inside were my most cherished beads that had been chanted on by my beloved spiritual master. Those beads had also been dipped in the Ganga, Yamuna, Radha Kunda, Shyama Kunda, Vrnda Kunda and countless other holy places. In fact, tied around the eight bead was a small piece of thread from the brahmana thread Adwaita Acarya wore which I had received last year in Mayapur during Adwaita Acarya's appearance day. Along with these precious gems, my bead bag contains a nose ring from Srimati Radharani from Mayapur and a Ganja mala necklace that Chota Madhava wore. The bead bag itself was from Mayapur.

I mentally offered respects to my bead bag and told myself I would retrace my steps the following day.

This morning I woke up still meditating on my lost bead bag. During deity greetings I prayed to Lord Nityananda to please help ensure the safe return of my bead bag for it is a representation of his great mercy. The mercy of guru and the holy name.

As I made my way back to the shop, I kept visualizing my bead bag. As I pushed open the doors, I explained my predicament to the shop owners and made my way up the stairs. As I walked through the maze of clothing and nooks and crannys, I came to the dark corner where the boxes of wigs were kept. There, lying solitary in the darkness was my bead bag! I can't even begin to explain how happy I was to see it. I was reunited!

This event served to remind me of something very important. We never appreciate the most important things until we get a glimpse of how it would be if we didn't have them. The lesson is to cherish and be aware of everything. In fact Krsna had given me a hint. The thought to chant in the shop had come to my mind. If I had actually entertained it as opposed to just shoving it off to the side, I would have realized that I was missing my beads then and there. Krsna is always trying to help, the problem is we just don't listen.

It also made me realize that I am genuinely attached to my beads. For once, I can be proud of an attachment!

Wishing everyone a most ecstatic Nityananda Trayodasi! Nityananda Rama ki JAI!

Kartika Series: Learning the Ropes

2009-11-24T11:40:00.001-08:00

I was going. It still hadn't sunk in. As the last week of September came to an end and the chilly breezes hinting of October started to billow in, I realized it was time!

Thursday morning- I hurriedly packed my bags, in my typical last minute fashion, and settled on the train heading to Montreal. The excitement finally started to settle in. I was going to be going on the altar that very night! For the next few days, I would be shadowing Tulasi Seva devi and watching her dress Sri Sri Radha Manohara in the morning and the evening.

I quickly took a shower upon arriving and made my way to the temple room. As I chanted my rounds and stared at Radha Manohara I still couldn't believe it. I was totally unqualified. Were they really going to be letting me come near them?

It was the same feeling I got whenever I traveled to the holy dham. Would Krsna really let me enter? I never really believed it until I got there. Entering the inner sanctum of Sri Sri Radha Manohara's altar is also a holy dham and so the feeling resonated with me. Anything could happen. After all, we're talking about a tricky blue-hued cowherd boy. ;)

As the last notes of the evening aarti came to a close, I followed Tulasi Seva devi onto the altar. Expertly and efficiently she started removing the jewelry and other paraphernalia decorating Their Lordships. As I stood there watching, she encouraged me to help her and so silently we worked in tandem. It was actually happening.

Returning back to the pujari room, she gave me a tour of Radha Manohara's dressing room. Preparing for the next day's dressing, she effortlessly and gracefully moved around the room showing me different items and giving me pieces of advice. Upon finishing, she smiled and said, "See you in the morning," and left leaving me with my thoughts.

As I made my way back to the asrama, I was in a state of shock. I actually got to help dress Manohara! Brimming with anticipation for the next morning, I set my alarm clock for 3:45 am. Despite very little sleep, I woke up alert and ready. Mangala aarti came and went and it was time again to go back on the altar. As I watched Tulasi Seva devi and assisted her once again, I kept taking mental notes. I knew that the moment I was left alone on that altar with Radha Manohara any sense of competency I felt would instantly vanish. As we finished dressing, she looked at me and said, "Would you like to paint Manohara?" "What?" I exclaimed as I know I'm definitely no artist. She laughed and said, "Sure, go ahead." I don't think I've ever taken so long to paint a few very basic gopi dots in my life!

I didn't really know what to think. So many experiences were happening in such a short period of time and apparently Krsna decided that he might as well throw me in the deep end when I could barely swim. Not even a few hours later, Tulasi Seva devi came up to me and asked, "Do you think you could dress Jagannath tonight?" Having never dressed Jagannath in Montreal before I was a little hesitant, but she casually brushed away my fears. "No problem," she said, and then added, "Also, do you think you could dress Radha Manohara tomorrow night?"

Having arrived on Thursday night, I wasn't supposed to be dressing on my own until the following Monday night. However, Krsna being all merciful and tricky apparently decided he wanted to speed things up. That evening I got the opportunity to dress Jagannath and nearly fell over picking up his gigantic turban! It was so wonderful.

The next evening I dressed Radha Manohara on my own. I remember feeling completely dependent and unsure. Krsna was letting me come so close to him and yet I felt so far away. It made me realize that this would be the theme for this month of Kartika- undeserving mercy.

It also made me realize that in learning the ropes, there's no better way than to just grab on and depend on Krsna.

Kartika Series: The Hesitation

2009-11-18T12:29:00.000-08:00

I'd like to dedicate this second piece of writing to my dear friend Tanya. Thank you for your continued encouragement and extinguishing any doubts I had.

The Hesitation-

I was on cloud five trillion. Who wouldn't be? I had been handed the opportunity of a lifetime- dressing Sri Sri Radha Manohara.

The more I thought about it, the more excited I became. But maya is sneaky because along with the excitement came hints of doubts. As I sat in the car, I reflected on my answer. After my initial outburst of "YES!" reality had set in and I realized that I couldn't commit without seriously thinking about this. It wasn't just an opportunity; it was also a huge responsibility. I wanted to make sure that I was 100% certain that I could do this, and so I had told Tulasi Seva devi that I would get back to her within a few days.

The time had come to tell my parents. As I excitedly and somewhat incoherently rattled off what had happened on the car drive home, I caught my dad's eye in the rear-view mirror. He didn't say much. All he said was, "What a wonderful opportunity. You must do this, after all Sri Sri Radha Manohara have done for you." And that was it. My mother, was equally thrilled but wanted to hear more details which I provided.

After reaching home, I started coming down from the initial high, and my rascal mind started entertaining more doubts. But what if I got a job during that time? What if I couldn't handle ashrama life in Montreal? What if I committed tons of offences and would have to suffer reactions? What if, what if, what if...the list continued.

This is the way the mind works. One can be given the greatest fortune, and even then the mind can come up with excuses. The longer one entertains these doubts/excuses, the more powerful it can become.

My main two doubts were that I would be offered a job during that time and secondly if I could handle ashrama life in Montreal. I spoke to my dad. He is one of the first people I always go to for spiritual advice being very sane and grounded.

I told him about my fear about getting a job during that time. He leveled me with a look, "Well what would you do?" He asked. I spoke honestly, "Well, I really feel that I should do this service for the whole month of Kartika....so....if anyone asked me to start during that time I would say I couldn't." He nodded his head in agreement. "Yes, I think so too. Radha Manohara will take care of you. Don't worry."

Well that took care of that. Although I didn't have complete faith, I knew it was the right thing to do. Besides, HG Laxmimoni prabhu's words were ringing in my ears. The last time I spoke to her she had said, "Why don't you just dedicate one year to temple life?" Well here was my chance...it wasn't one year, but at least I could try to dedicate one month of my life to temple service.

Now, the big one. Could I handle ashrama life in Montreal? Krsna has been very merciful to me. I had the opportunity to live in the ashrama in Radhadesh when doing Bhakti Sastri and it had been a wonderful experience. But that was just it- I had never really served in a temple in North America. Europe and India yes, but not yet North America.

But who could I ask. Tanya. The first person who came to mind. Tanya is extraordinary. Working full time at Concordia University she spends six days a week at the ladies ashram here in Montreal and does a whole gamut of services. Hesitatingly, I approached her. "What's it like in the ashrama? How's the morning program? Is there heating?" Yes, I actually asked that. Is there heating? LOL. She very patiently answered all my questions, despite how preposterous they were.

Yet still, I was hesitating. It was Krsna working through Tanya who really pushed me, and for that I will always be indebted to her. She would not give up on me. Using whatever leverage she could find she would send text messages asking when I was coming, telling me that Radha Manohara were personally inviting me to come, going as far as to say I was crazy to not be calling Tulasi devi back to inform her I was coming.

There is only so much sweetness a person can take. Soon I hit my limit and said, "Alright Radha Manohara, I'm yours for the month." Calling Tulasi Seva devi I informed her I would be coming, but I told her I could only commit for two weeks but would try to be there for the whole of Kartika. Why? I wanted to make sure that I could handle it because with incredible mercy comes great responsibility. Working out the details, we decided it would be best for me to come a few days before she left for India so I could become familiar with everything.

The invitation had come and it had now been formally accepted.

Kartika Series: The Invitation

2009-11-17T09:37:00.000-08:00

For the month of Kartika I barely wrote. Not because I didn't want to, but because I was consumed. Consumed and utterly engrossed in service. Now that Kartika has come and gone, I am left with the deep impressions it has ingrained in my heart. Following in the footsteps of my dear friend Bhakti, I thought that the best way to share some of these experiences would be to write a series. The Kartika series.

The Invitation-

It seems almost a life-time ago, but this year's mystical Kartika journey began to manifest in early September. Jobless and slightly frustrated, I didn't have any hopes of going to India this year, but little did I know that Krsna had other plans for me.

Early September marked the Prabhupada Festival that the devotees in Montreal hold every year. Having never attended one, I had the great fortune of being allowed to go. Four days of intense Srila Prabhupada katha by HG Sruta Kirti prabhu. It was pure nectar. While being there, I hesitatingly asked if I could do any pujari service for the deities and Krsna being all merciful allowed me the opportunity to dress Sri Sri Gaura Nitai twice during my four day visit.

It was Saturday evening and I was standing on the altar, astonished that someone as undeserving as myself had been granted this special service. Having assisted Gaura Nitai get into their evening dress, I was standing spellbound in front of Sri Sri Radha Manohara.

Radha Manohara have an extremely special place in my heart. Not only are they mind-numbingly beautiful Deities, but they are the Deities that I grew up with. Before I was born, my parents lived across the street from the temple in Montreal and when I was 10 days old they brought me to the temple on Janmastami. They are not just Deities for me, but a part of my family. As I was flooded with memories, I was praying, "Oh my dear Radha Manohara, please allow me to dress you one day." As I continued to steal a few extra minutes on the altar to absorb this extremely rare and close-up darshan, I kept praying, "Please let me dress you one day."

The next morning I just happened to be in the kitchen, watching in awe as the devotees expertly and speedily were preparing prasadam for both the breakfast offering and the boat ride later in the day. As I was hanging around, the head pujari HG Tulasi Seva devi suddenly asked me, "So are you working these days?" I told her no, at the moment I wasn't. She fell quiet and something inside me prompted me to ask, "Why?" Looking up from the pot she was stirring she said, "Well, I'll be going to India for about a month and we need a pujari to help out here. Would you be able to come and help out for sometime?" I stood there stunned and distinctly remember asking, "You mean helping to dress Radha Manohara." Cheerfully she laughed and said, "Yes, it would mean dressing Radha Manohara everyday during the week, morning and evening."

There it was. The answer to my prayers. Not even twelve hours before I had been standing in front of Radha Manohara asking them if they would allow me to dress them and here was their dear and long-standing devotee asking me if I could come and dress them, not just at any time, but for the auspicious month of Kartika. The time when I am longing to be in Vrndavana.

This was it. The invitation I had been longing for.

Harinama Addict

2009-10-20T06:15:00.000-07:00

It's been way too long since I've written and I can feel all the experiences I've had so far this Kartik just longing to tumble out of my fingertips.

This year, Krishna in his most beautiful form of Manohara, has brought me to Vrndavana in a very unique way. I got to skip the grueling traveling of 16 hours + and instead was allowed to come to Sri Sri Radha Manohara's temple in Montreal. Although I would love to be in the physical geographical location of Vrndavana, the mood and consciousness of the dham are being manifested right here in the increasingly cold climate of Montreal.

So far, I have been lucky to go out on harinama almost five days a week. A few sincere and dedicated devotees go out nearly everyday despite rain or shine but always with the attitude of determination to present the public of Montreal with the nectarean sounds of the holy names.

Truth be told, I like harinama. Occasionally. LOL. It's not something that I have ever done on a regular basis, but I'll say one thing. Just like this beautiful Manohara here finds tricky ways to get you super attached to him, it's the same deal with harinama. You get hooked and fast. It's almost like an addiction. The day just doesn't feel the same without going out on harinama.

It's also the most revealing experience on both the internal and external level. On the internal level, just like everything else in devotional service for the neophyte practitioner, there are days when the mind just doesn't feel like it. It will come up with every excuse in the book not to go out. Or even worse is when the enthusiasm to go is there in the beginning and once you are out on the streets it just suddenly fizzles away.

Or if you ever have an opportunity to lead. Wow! If you want to get a good glimpse into your level of devotion, leading a harinama is a good way to find out. My ideal meditation is to dedicate this service to my Guru Maharaja who used to go out on books and do harinama in addition to all the deity service when he used to be at the Boston temple in the early days. His sincere desire to serve Srila Prabhupada is so inspiring. But try keeping that meditation with people bustling past you, horns honking and the ever dreaded making sure the melody you picked is one others can follow.

On the external level it is amazing to see the modes are at work. One can actually see how the material world really is one of suffering. Rarely does anyone look happy as they walk by, unless they happen to catch a smile of a devotee and per chance return one. Everyone looks stressed, tired and worn out. And of those who are driving, many are irate, upset and frustrated at the others who are sharing the road with them.

So in the midst of the chaos and confusion the sweet sound of harinama pierces through the thick curtain of mixed consciousness. It jolts passers by out of their I, me, my worlds and catches them off guard. So the next time someone says, "Let's go on harinama" don't think twice. Just go. Whether it be three devotees or 300 devotees, it's not actually a numbers game. It's the best gift you can give to yourself. This is an addiction you you want to take up.

Krishna is Present With Us At Every Moment

2009-09-27T17:53:00.000-07:00

This is an excerpt from a lecture that HH Radhanath Swami gave. I found this to be so beautiful and relevant that I wanted to share it. You can find the complete lecture transcription at www.radhanathmaharaj.net/node/5

So we find here, Gajendra in his condition has complete faith. He’s not offering a prayer that "Maybe the Lord will come, I hope He comes, I hope He hears me, I hope He exists." Have any of you chanted with that frame of mind? You chant in a very very dangerous situation. We’re chanting the Holy Names and we may be thinking, "I hope Krishna exists, I really need Him and I hope He hears me and I hope He reciprocates." In other words we are practicing bhakti but we don’t have complete shraddha, nista. Nista means very, very deep and strong faith. This is preliminary to bhava or to love awakening within our hearts. We have to have very strong foundational faith in whatever we do. When we’re making a garland, we have such faith that Krishna at this very moment is accepting my service or we’re sitting in Bhagavatam class, when we’re chanting our rounds, when we’re doing kirtana, when we’re sweeping the floor or washing the walls or whatever service we’re doing, management or book distribution or taking care of our child or our parents or studying in school with a spiritual purpose. Whatever service we may be doing it’s important that we have complete faith that here and now at this very moment, Krishna is present. Present in my heart, present in between every atom, present in the effulgence of Brahman, present in the moon and in the sun, present watching, hearing, responding, accepting my efforts and if I’m doing it properly, Krishna at this very moment is pleased with me. That is bhakti. Not that, "I’ll please Krishna tomorrow, today there's just some other things I have to deal with in my mind." Tomorrow never comes in that sense.

What Kind of Love?

2009-09-21T10:17:00.000-07:00

This weekend I had a wonderful opportunity to attend Russell's revived "Riverfest". Russell is a small town about a half an hour from Ottawa. My godbrother Kacper was one of the key players in reviving this little festival which consisted of showing Russell's artistic talent. The festival took place in a small parking lot which overlooked a small ravine/hill where the centre stage was set up.

In the parking lot there were different booths set up including the small Russell newspaper, different artisan craftsmen showcasing their wares as well as a booth for Govinda's! Kacper had the brilliant idea of having Govinda's provide hot meals for the festival. As my dear friend Vraja put it, "Prasadam has now hit Russell!"

The event was really sweet. Being a small town, everyone is so friendly, obliging and welcoming. There were two highlights for me though. First of all, being allowed to help serve out prasadam to those who had never received it was truly mind-blowing. Secondly, I had an opportunity to spend time with my senior godbrother- HG Paramahamsa prabhu.

Paramahamsa prabhu is hands down one of the most inspirational devotees I have the good fortune of knowing. He is a gentle soul who truly practices the art of sadhu sanga. He is dedicated to serving our beloved Guru Maharaja and the vaisnavas through body, mind and words. Never wanting to be in the spotlight, he is the seemingly invisible mover and shaker who gets things done and is an incredible father as evidenced by his two wonderful children Agata and Kacper.

As the day progressed, I had an opportunity to hear some of his realizations and one of them really struck me. He was speaking about co-operation and was quoting Srila Prabhupada's famous words "You can show your love for me by how you cooperate with one another."

As he was speaking about cooperation, he brought up a very insightful point. He was saying that as devotees it's not enough that we simply cooperate. We need to take a good and hard look at how we cooperate. For example, we can simply tolerate one another, forget to value and appreciate each other and say, "Yes, I'm cooperating!" But Prabhupada said that our love is shown by how we cooperate. Is that the kind of love we have for one another then? Simply using each others' time, energy, talents and resources in the name of service?

We need to value and respect one another. Of course, we may not always agree, but respect and affection must be there. It should be the basis of all our dealings as bhakti yoga practitioners. How can we expect to go back to Godhead if our dealings with one another here are any representation of how we would act if we went back to the spiritual world? I don't think Krishna wants that kind of love.

Prabhu went on to say that the vaisnavas are the most valuable gems that we have. They are our lifeline. Without them we would be lost and so it is most imperative that we learn to how to interact with one another properly. If we do so, then not only can we cooperate nicely but we can truly show Srila Prabhupada how much we love him.

Thank you Paramahamsa prabhu for showing by example what it means to love Srila Prabhupada.

Engulfed in a Memory

2009-09-17T08:48:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been engulfed in a memory? Somehow just whisked away and dropped into a moment that was long forgotten? Yesterday I was carried back to Italy.

During the summer of 2005, my best friend Sudevi and I traveled through different parts of Europe attending different festivals. Upon arriving in Venice-Treviso, we had to take a train to get to our next destination of Trieste. Since neither of us spoke Italian, both of us were utterly confused and so what should have taken us moments to figure out ended up costing us minutes.

I still remember how we were waiting in an impossibly long line to get our tickets when we heard an announcement saying the train we were supposed to be on was about to leave. Considering the fact that we had to catch a bus leaving that night from Trieste to Zagreb, Croatia, this left us in a dilemma. On one hand we had no ticket in our hand and on the other hand we HAD to make that train.

Within seconds I found myself running after Sudevi who was running for the train. My Canadian mentality was thinking "We don't have a ticket! How can we get on the train!?" A few minutes later a weary and exhilarated Sudevi and I found ourselves on a moving train towards Trieste.

As we caught our breath, we saw the ticket inspector walking around. As I calmly started panicking, Sudevi remained cool. In an off-handed manner she reassured me that in Europe you can just buy your ticket on the train. So when the inspector came to us, we somehow managed to convey to him that we needed to buy a ticket. Consulting his clipboard he informed us that it would cost us each 30 Euros. What? It didn't make any sense. At the station the ticket would have only cost us 5 Euros. The inspector nodded and said that this was the penalty for buying the ticket on board. He then gave us two options: 1. we pay the outrageous price or 2. we get off at the next stop, buy the ticket at the station and take the next train.

Considering we were traveling on a very meager budget, the choice was clear and so we disembarked at the next station. This was the exact moment I was carried away to yesterday. A flashback of Sudevi and I sitting on the pavement at this remote station somewhere in Italy, after having bought popsicles. The early evening sun shone upon us and we were giggling at the predicament we were in.

These are the special moments. Moments where you remind one another that this must be Krishna's arrangement and you take the time given to you to talk Krsna katha rather than curse the universe for not allowing your plans to work out the way you want to.

I had forgotten that moment. I had forgotten the muggy air, the 45 minute wait for the next train and the joy of eating a popsicle with my dear friend. As I sit recollecting now, we never did make the bus that night as that second train ended up getting delayed. Instead we had to spend a night in Trieste where we ate some gelato and wandered around the beautiful seaport city before heading to Zagreb in the morning.

I still don't remember exactly what we spoke about that day, but the image still brings a smile to my face as I think back to two girls, a remote train station and peals of laughter piercing the Italian evening air.

You've Joined the Strong...

2009-09-15T05:58:00.000-07:00

Initiations are a time for a reflection, introspection and gratitude. It is the time when the bhakti yogi is formally "beginning" their spiritual life and is connected to the great teachers of the disciplic succession.

I personally love attending initiation ceremonies because they act like little alarm clocks. An alarm clock "wakes" us out of the illusion that we can continue to sleep for hours blissfully in ignorance and jolts us into the reality that we need to wake up and perform our duty. Similarly, initiation ceremonies shake me out of my complacency and once again make me conscious to the gratitude that lies sleeping in my heart that my own spiritual master has granted me shelter at his lotus feet.

HH Bhaktimarga Swami gave a beautiful initiation talk speaking of various different points including the importance of the holy name, taking shelter of Srila Prabhupada and the importance of taking formal initiation.

One point, however, just jumped out and has now taken up residence in my heart and my mind: "By taking initiation you are now aligning yourself with Srila Prabhupada and the Guru parampara. You've now joined the strong, so there is no excuse for you to be weak."

It is SUCH a powerful point. "You have joined the strong, so there is no excuse for you to be the weak." Firstly, this statement shows how strong HH Bhaktimarga Swami's own faith is in Srila Prabhupada and the Guru parampara as through his own actions we see how he always remains strong and steady in his service to his spiritual master.

Secondly, this is a statement we should all inscribe onto our own hearts. It doesn't matter what happens. It doesn't matter what maya throws at us. We have joined the strong side which means we don't have any more excuses to give. Why? Because if we become weak and start giving excuses it simply means that we are not tapping into the oceans of strength that are there for our disposal.

We have the best support system in the entire creation. We have Srila Prabhupada, Rupa Goswami, Lord Chaitanya Mahaprabhu etc, etc. All of these great stalwart and amazing personalities are on OUR side and are just waiting to help us out. It is only due to our own lack of faith and trust that we would ever dare to think that we are alone and cannot overcome any obstacles and anarthas that we face.

I feel humbled and unqualified to think that I have "joined the strong" because I see how weak I am. However, I am so grateful that I was allowed to be present at this wonderful event and I am so grateful that somehow Krishna allowed me to hear this life-changing statement. I may be weak, but I too will become strong.

To all the initiates, including my dear friend Radha-prema who received the beautiful name Radha Krishna devi dasi, congratulations! You have joined the strong and we all pray that you may feel the gratitude, love and strength that you are feeling now and will continue to inspire all of us in your service to your guru and Srila Prabhupada.

Roller Coaster of Faith

2009-08-21T12:00:00.000-07:00

The Ride of Steel at Darien Lake

This past week I went to two amusement parks. Back to back.

It's been close to ten years since I've been on a roller coaster and for the past few years I've been wanting to go and it never ended up working out. So this summer, I suggested going to Darien Lake with a friend of mine for our yearly road trip. A few days before the big day, I was speaking to another friend who asked if I wanted to go to Canada's Wonderland the Monday after Darien Lake. I thought, "Why not? Let's do it."

Needless to say, it was an exhilarating experience. But I was caught off guard as it also ended up being a surprisingly revealing one as well. I've always loved roller coasters. The higher the better.

Two of the most memorable coasters were the Ride of Steel at Darien Lake and the Behemoth at Canada's Wonderland which both drop the the rider close to 70 m down during its first drop. It's definitely an "intense" experience.

But more fascinating than the actual ride itself was the feeling I experienced standing in line and finally getting onto the coaster itself. I kept thinking, "There is no guarantee that I'll get out of this alive. Why am I doing it? It means that I'm putting all my faith into a man-made machine."

That's what really struck me. I put my faith in chance. My faith in chanting the holy names and knowing that Krsna is looking out for me tends to drop up and down, just like a roller coaster. It is so easy to put faith in other things because they seem to be more tangible.

But I did learn one thing from this experience. My faith that I would be safe on that roller coaster was strengthened by the fact that those riding it previously came back thrilled but unhurt. Similarly, my mentors and fellow bhakti yoga practitioners, who I am blessed to have in my life, show me daily the amazing results of putting one's faith in Krsna.

As for the ups and downs of faith I experience, well its just like a roller coaster. Ultimately it winds down and becomes steady and firm. The only difference is that most rides last less than a few minutes to come to that steady state. My journey in becoming firmly fixed in my faith may take a little longer. But I know it will. In the meantime, I know I can count on it being a wild ride.

Yoga Meltdown 2009

2009-08-20T09:56:00.000-07:00

Walk through this year's yoga classes at Yoga Meltdown 2009

The Dust of Bliss

2009-08-19T18:03:00.000-07:00

For a few years now, I’ve had the great privilege of being part of the festival organizing committee in Toronto, where I was for Krishna’s appearance day this year.

What does the festival organizing committee do? Well, it’s comprised of about 4-5 members who take the initiative to help make each festival a little more special. It may mean putting together a mini audio visual movie, choosing a theme for the festival, ensuring that the festival is accessible to a newcomer coming for the first time to the temple, organizing logistics such as projectors and screens, as well as various other odds and ends.

Now that I’m not living in Toronto anymore, I’m not necessarily on all of the festival calls and so I wasn’t aware of what was being planned for Krishna’s appearance day. In fact, I wasn’t even supposed to go to Toronto for this festival, but at the last minute there was something that pulled me to go to there.

As I was one the train, travelling to Toronto, I had only one desire- I wanted to do some service for this extremely special day. Praying for that opportunity, I entered the temple with some committee members. As they each scattered off to check up on last minute details and make sure everything was in place, I stood there feeling a little lost.

It was a strange feeling. For a good thirty seconds I felt totally out of place. Everyone seemed to have their task but me.

I turned to my friend Recha who was still standing next to me. For the first time ever, she and another devotee were going to dedicate their entire evening in helping to arrange shoes. Close to a thousand, if not more, people come to the Toronto Hare Krishna Centre for Krishna’s appearance day.

In previous years’, the shoe room has been a disaster. Imagine piles of shoes scattered in every direction. Visitors, in their enthusiasm to join in the festivities would kick off their shoes any which way, resulting in a total chaos. What to speak of those who came a little later. One wouldn’t be able see the floor and most people would end up walking on the shoes strewn about.

Inspiration and trepidation hit me simultaneously. On one hand this would be an amazing service. What could be a better service than to welcome visitors in and help arrange their shoes for them? On the other hand, I was wearing a brand new outfit and the selfish part of me was thinking, “But you’ll miss the program! You’ve journeyed all this way. It’s not fair if you miss the festival.” But something louder was screaming, “Help out! You won’t regret it!”

I asked Recha who very eagerly welcomed the help. And so it began. From 5pm-2am, save for a quick fifteen minute break to catch some fresh air and another fifteen minute break to see the deities in their beautiful flower outfits, I stayed in that shoe room. At first I was giving out numbered tickets to everyone and passing on their shoes to the other wonderful volunteers who were attaching the corresponding ticket and placing their shoes in the cubby holes. As the hours passed, the shoes kept flooding in and the team of six volunteers just couldn’t keep up. As the night passed, we all kept trading places and soon I found myself sitting in a pile of shoes, trying to tag them and trying in vain to keep a semblance of order which just wasn’t going to happen!

But the reciprocation that each and every one of us in that shoe room felt- well, nothing can ever replace that feeling. Even though our system wasn’t working out as well as we wanted it to, everyone was so appreciative. I don’t think I have ever received so many blessings as I did that night.

What made it even more special was how dedicated all the helpers were. Nobody left. That didn’t mean people didn’t want to. I personally experienced an entire spectrum of emotions from enthusiasm to frustration to numbness to tiredness, but you couldn’t have got me out of there even if you tried. Each particle of dust on each shoe that came in was imbibed with bliss. I have never experienced that kind of satisfaction in my life. The dust of bliss.

Later on, a few of us were speaking about our experiences in helping out in the shoe room. Somebody recounted a beautiful anecdote that further imprinted this experience in my heart. Apparently in another place of worship, people will actually fight to help arrange the shoes. It is said that the Lord comes disguised as a visitor and so one lucky person may actually get to personally serve the Lord. Wow! How amazing is that? Whether the Lord personally came and allowed us to take his shoes, I don’t know. But one thing I do know. We got to serve his beloved servants and because of that got to experience the dust of bliss.

Look Within

2009-08-11T05:58:00.000-07:00

We live in a society that places a great deal of emphasis on the external. Whether it be looks, material possessions, jobs or status, the list can go on and on. As a bhakti yoga practitioner, we have an idea of how these things may be assets but they are not the goal of life. In fact it can detract one from the ultimate goal- bhakti.

Now we may understand that both theoretically and practically, but do we actually guard ourselves against being influenced by it? I know that I've fooled myself long enough into thinking that I am immune to these factors. It wasn't until recently that I realized that I'm not actively working on guarding myself against this kind of an influence.

But first and foremost, it's important to recognize the symptoms of being infected by this disease. What is the result of that influence? Feeling as though "something is lacking my life." It seeps into one's consciousness and pervades it completely until one ends up feeling sorry for themselves and are not able to recognize all the valuable gifts they are blessed to have received in their life.

But how does this happen. How do we go from seeing or hearing something to all of a sudden feeling unsatisfied? I've noticed in my life, one thing plays a huge contributing factor- comparing myself to others.

That's it. It may seem naively simple or mundane, but I know that when I compare myself to others, I end up feeling unsatisfied. It's a sure fire way of becoming the root cause of your own suffering. The mind is very tricky that way. It focuses on the external and then automatically starts to compare it with whatever it is used to.

And then, most dangerous of all, when it does this, feelings of envy can start to burn inside one's heart. "I want that. How come I don't deserve that?" Which can lead to the most dreaded of all, "How come Krishna doesn't let me have that." It's a very dangerous and slippery slope.

That's why Krishna in the Bhagavad-gita advises Arjuna to remain equipoised in both happiness and distress. One of the reasons why it can be so difficult to do this is because the mind is always accepting and rejecting, which is exactly what happens when you compare yourself to somebody else.

Instead, we should look within. Krishna is within us. Even if we can just theoretically accept that Krishna is looking out for all of us, then we can find some solace in that the next time the mind goes crazy. We can also take steps to catch ourselves when we start comparing and even more importantly take everything we hear with a grain of salt.

I'm sure everyone in their lives have heard a parent, a sibling or someone near and dear compare you with somebody else. It can be very discouraging and hurtful because it can make one feel, "I'm not good enough."

That is not to say that we should not try to improve ourselves, but there are better ways to do that than by comparing oneself to someone or something else. Instead, one can try competing with oneself. I used to do that a lot in university and it worked really well. You know that you can always do better, so what better yardstick to measure by than yourself?

Most importantly we should trust that everything that is happening to us is what's supposed to be happening right now. Instead of comparing and driving yourself insane, grab your beads and chant. Pray for the strength to find happiness within. We've all looked for happiness in different places for so long and have been so disappointed. It's time for a change.

Let it go...

2009-08-04T08:33:00.000-07:00

....all the plans, the expectations, the hopes and the ideas. Just let it go. I've been trying to do that for some time now. This doesn't mean that we shouldn't HAVE plans, hopes and ideas, although it is best not to have any expectations!

We can have the rest, but we shouldn't hang on to them. It's hanging on that causes confusion, disappointment, lethargy and pessimism. The plans, expectations, hopes and ideas envelop us into a falsely secure bubble. It can make us feel that we are visionaries that are always moving forward. But in reality they stump our spiritual, emotional, material and physical growth.

Most often, they can prevent us from seeing the "Krishna factor." When we face challenges or flat out failures in achieving or implementing our ideas, those very same ideas don't allow us to see the numerous other possibilities that are available and instead makes us focus on what WE didn't get.

Instead of becoming broadminded and creative, we become pigeon-holed and boring.

But how can we break free of this cycle that sometimes consumes our lives? Change. Changing our patterns and delving deeper into our relationship with Krishna. Changing our patterns may mean letting go of certain ideas by physically or symbolically cutting them out of our lives. But more importantly, on the positive side, it means forming new patterns. It may mean associating more with people who live in the moment as opposed to constantly dreaming about the future.

With respect to delving deeper into our relationship with Krishna it may mean taking a long and hard look about how much you allow Krishna to guide you in your life. Are rounds your priority? Are you actually genuinely asking Krishna for help or simply imposing your own ideas and asking Krishna to fulfill them? On the most granular level it means taking stock of your own consciousness. Are you trying to Krishna-ize it or are you still burning in the fire of your own material desires?

For some lucky souls, they never plan. They simply go with the flow and are able to recognize Krishna's hand guiding their lives. For others, it's a process. But it's important to remember that the journey is oftentimes more important than the destination. Our journey in learning to let go will help us become mature and sincere bhakti yogis.

Putting Krishna Back Into the Equation

2009-07-30T11:40:00.000-07:00

For the past few days I've been taking advantage of one of the things I love about Ottawa— the winding, scenic walking paths. It allows me to escape into the serenity I am searching for.

As I've been taking these long japa walks, I've noticed that a lot of realizations have come bubbling to the surface. Although I have been searching for answers and guidance, I realize now that I'd been searching for it externally. Why? Because it is just so much easier!

As an aspiring bhakti yogi, I practice mantra meditation, associate with other bhakti yogis and try to perform as much bhakti yoga as possible. It's easy to fool myself into thinking "I try to work very hard on my internal spiritual practice," when in reality I'm just running on automatic pilot.

The problem is, like everything in life, things start to become routine. But that's just it. This is a perfect example of imposing a material perspective on a spiritual practice. Bhakti is NOT a routine. It is ever-fresh and full of bliss. While engaging in my sadhana and practices, I albeit unknowingly, take Krishna out of the equation!

How is that possible, you might say? Well it can actually be pretty easy. It's when we take Krishna out of the equation, that everything becomes dry, routine and tasteless. It becomes just like any other job you've ever had.

The only way to put Krishna back into the equation is by re-focusing. Nothing is as important as chanting the maha-mantra. Nothing. But it just can't be any kind of chanting, it has to be chanting with emotion.

Now if you are like me, most times when I chant the only emotion I feel is "eager anticipation." Not the eager anticipation to please Krishna, sorry folks, but the eager anticipation to finish my sixteen rounds! Sad, but true.

But the path of bhakti is amazing. Despite any handicaps one may have, there is a way! In this case, just channel any emotion you feel into your chanting. If you are eagerly anticipating finishing your rounds, then eagerly anticipate to hear at least one mantra properly. If you are feeling sad, then pray to Krishna that one day the intensity of the sadness you are feeling at that moment may one day be the intensity of love you will feel for him.

We can all experience guidance and strength. It's within our capacity. We just need to put Krishna back into the equation and get rid of the "I'm too busy," or, "there's no time," that prevents us from feeling it.

Getting Back to Nature

2009-07-28T14:56:00.000-07:00

Recently I got an indication that I should spend sometime with Nature.

Being in Toronto with its towering buildings, bright city lights and fast-paced lifestyle, always surcharges me with lots of energy, but it also does a number on my subtle consciousness. Being a person who is always trying to control things (I'm working on it!) and likes to keep active, I oftentimes lose perspective that I am just a mere instrument who is trying to remember Krsna.

Now that I'm back in Ottawa and removed from my "natural habitat" of whirlwind chaos, I am trying to ground myself again. It's funny, when I once approached my Guru Maharaja asking him what to look for in a spiritual master, he told me, "You need someone who grounds you." It's true, we all need that.

Not only do we need people in our lives who help to ground us whether it be emotionally, mentally or spiritually, but we also need to seek out personal time to indulge in this very necessary practice.

One way is to get back to Nature. One can experience so much support and strength just by sitting in the grass. The earth is always supporting us whether we realize it or not. Similarly, what better way is there to hear music than to listen to the chatter of the birds, the humming of the bees or the rustling of the leaves. In fact, sometimes they make the best accompanying instruments for a kirtan!

Most importantly of all, Nature can help us remember Krsna. Krsna's favorite haunts include his Vrndavana forest, the flowing river Yamuna and the beautiful forest animals.

We are so lucky to have these gifts which are not only so valuable but also freely available to us. Our lives are filled with so much chatter and it makes it very difficult to hear what the soul is crying out for. It also makes it very difficult to hear what suggestions Krsna is revealing to us within our hearts.

So, whether we live in a huge metropolitan city or a small farm, take the time to spend some alone time with Nature. You'll never know what you'll hear.

Encouragement and Confirmation

2009-07-23T08:27:00.000-07:00

After the wonderful Ratha Yatra/Yoga Meltdown that took place this past weekend, I've been spending a lot of time reading, contemplating and meditating on my Guru Maharaja, Niranjana Swami. Specifically, I have been reading one of his books books: Collected Letters Written to Friends and Disciples.

You see, I'm one of those people who is always wondering if they are doing the right thing. I am always questioning, "Is this what I'm meant to be doing? Is this what Krsna wants me to do?" Yesterday when I was reading, I came across something that answered this question which I'd like to share:

Maharaja was quoting from the purport of Caitanya Caritamrta, Adi-lila, Chapter 1, Verse 60 where it states, "Unless one gets this spiritual encouragement by following the instructions of the spiritual master, it is not possible to make advancement."

Maharaja goes on to explain that this encouragement which Srila Prabhupada refers to in his purport must also come from within. The Lord as Supersoul, gives direction and encouragement from within- to those who are eager to please Him by serving the instructions of a bona fide spiritual master. The spiritual master instructs from without, delivering the conclusive truths from both scriptures and the previous acaryas, and he also guides from within as the Supersoul, who is a manifestation non-different from the instructing spiritual master.

Therefore, Maharaja goes on to instruct, that we should especially focus on Srila Prabhupada's words, the statements from the Srimad Bhagavatam and Caitanya Caritamrta and then try to listen for some confirmation within our hearts of what they are all saying. It may not come right away, but if you desire the confirmation and intensely pray for it with steady determination, it will surely come when the time is right. This encouragement must be an ongoing process, and it is connected with the resolute desire to "stick to the instructions enunciated by the spiritual master.

Powerful, isn't it? Personally, these statements by HH Niranjana Swami bring to light many aspects that are required for one to become eligible to receive this type of confirmation and encouragement. For one thing, it is not something that comes very cheaply. The key to become eligible is the "resolute desire to stick to the instructions enunciated by the spiritual master."

Alongside this desire, patience, sincerity, determination and faith are all required. Especially patience! LOL! I know that oftentimes I pray for confirmation and many, many times it doesn't come right away and I get disheartened. But it is so important to remember that "...it will surely come when the time is right."

Who are we to know when the time is right? Krsna often tests to see how sincere we are and how determined we are. How often do we fail those tests? We are so lucky to have such a wonderful Lord who keeps trying to help us no matter how ungrateful and impatient we become.

So there is hope! And much of it! All it requires is that we steadfastly hang on to the instructions of Srila Prabhupada and the guru parampara and try to execute it to the best of our ability. Through this endeavor, both Guru and Krsna within our heart will guide us.

37th Annual Festival of India (Ratha-Yatra) Commerical

2009-07-02T09:14:00.000-07:00

I am so grateful to be part of such a progressive and innovative team of individuals who are trying to share the beauty of bhakti-yoga. Below is this year's commercial which will be seen by millions in Toronto, inviting them to take part in this event.

Kirtan- Toronto Style!

2009-07-02T09:01:00.001-07:00

The Power of Observation

2009-06-22T19:05:00.001-07:00

I was taking a long japa walk today and realized something. I've stopped noticing or looking at anything. In my "busy and chaotic" life, I've turned into a numb robot. LOL! The irony of it all is that my academic background is Science and I've spent more than five years of my life doing research which is all about observing things! :P

For example, think about the last time you went to the temple. Pop quiz: what colour were the Deties wearing? I'm lucky because for once in my life I actually remember. Sri Sri Radha Kscira Cora Gopinatha were wearing orange and red this past Sunday. For those of you who live in Toronto, no cheating! (I say that because the pictures of the Deities on Sunday are always posted on www.torontokrishna.com)

But all jokes aside, think about it even in your day to day life. Seemingly inane things like the colour of your neighbor's hair or the name of the florist shop by your house do come in handy. How? Well if you are an aspiring bhakti yogi, it helps you practice seeing the power and beauty of God in everything you see.

Krishna's beauty is everywhere to behold and becoming more attuned to his opulence's and becoming more observant actually allows us to experience Krishna at all times.

Also with respect to relationships, it helps us to become more compassionate and selfless individuals. Observing others reactions to the things we do helps us to improve our relationships and makes them flourish.

So, next time you are walking in your neighborhood, look around. You'll be surprised at how much you've never noticed and find that Krishna is everywhere you look.

Simply Sing

2009-06-15T13:49:00.000-07:00

It has been way too long since I've written anything and I can feel my fingers itching to transfer everything that has been locked up in the recesses of my mind. However, it seems that time has been my number one enemy. With so many thing going on including the upcoming Toronto Ratha Yatra/Yoga Meltdown, traveling, various other services and looking for a job, there just aren't enough hours in a day!

But that being said, I remember a promise I made to myself that I would try to write at least something everyday. So this is my humble attempt to keep that promise.

Today I got a glimpse of how wonderful it is to simply sing for the Lord without any pretense, show or any motivation. I had the great fortune to sing during mangala aarti for Sri Sri Radha Gopivallabha, who are the keepers to my beloved Guru Maharaja's heart. It was very simple. With almost nobody else in the room with me and just keeping a basic beat on a pair of kartalas, it was a magical moment. It was a moment to simply be there, not ask their most beautiful Lordships for anything, but simply sing the praises of their dearmost devotees.

The Power of Sankirtan!

2009-06-01T19:54:00.000-07:00

This past weekend ISKCON Toronto was blessed to have the association of HG Vaisesika Prabhu. Prabhu came from ISKCON Silicon Valley to give a small seminar on book distribution.

For those who haven't had the fortune of hearing Vaisesika prabhu, please find a way without delay! He is so inspirational and so humble. He is truly a role model for both the younger generation of aspiring devotees and the advanced senior ones.

After a Friday night presentation talking about how we should all become "Ambassadors of Good Will" and techniques on how to distribute books, devotees left the temple feeling exhilarated and inspired! The following day, over 30 devotees came for the second part of the mini-seminar....to hit the road!

After a training exercise on how to approach individuals and present the books, devotees were divided into teams and headed to four different spots in the city for a day of book distribution.

The day was so INCREDIBLE! Vaisesika prabhu spent approximately 1 hour at each location and would then head to the next one and so all the devotees got to see the Master in action! In fact many devotees would just stand and watch, wanting to see how Prabhu would speak and enthrall the passer-by's!

Prabhu's incredible compassion and enthusiasm to give Krsna to everyone was so palpable. Everyone was overwhelmed by how people would reciprocate as Prabhu established heart-heart connections with the people walking by.

Book distribution is so dear to Srila Prabhupada and it was truly a privilege to learn the art of sharing this transcendental knowledge from a devotee who has made this their life's mission: to fulfill Srila Prabhupada's greatest desire of making sure everyone in this material world come in contact with his books and get an opportunity to re-develop their relationship with Krsna.

Thank you Vaisesika prabhu for giving us all a glimpse into how nectarean sankirtan actually is! Sankirtana yajna ki JAI!

Check out the pics below of the happy devotees out on the streets!

The Essence

2009-05-28T17:32:00.000-07:00

As an aspiring bhakti yogi, what would you say is the most important thing in your spiritual practice? Would you pick service, the association of like minded bhakti yogis, the chanting of the Hare Krishna maha-mantra, prasadam, kirtan or something else?

As I was chanting the maha-mantra today, I realized how far I am from being a true bhakti yogi. The essence of bhakti yoga is to always remember the Supreme, Krishna, and to never forget Him. The prescribed method to do this, is to chant the Holy Names of the Lord.

I chant the maha-mantra everyday, but the quality of my chanting is far from desirable. My tendency is to focus on service, associating with other bhakti yogis, eating prasadam or joining in a great kirtan. But....if one seriously thinks about it, the practice of all these other spiritual activities can be deepened and more fully experienced when we become fully dependent upon the chanting of the Holy Name.

How does that happen, you ask? Because the Holy Name is non-different than Krishna. By developing our relationship with Krishna, by chanting the Holy Name in a mood of separation and longing, all our other activities become even more spiritually surcharged.

One of my spiritual mentors, HG Brhat-mrdanga prabhu, once said, "It is hypocritical to think that we are doing service if we do not chant our rounds. Chanting our rounds is our service."

I beg and pray to the Holy Name to please give me the desire to chant with more sincerity, with love and with a great desire to re-establish my eternal relationship with Him.

Yoga Meltdown!

2009-05-27T07:13:00.001-07:00

Whew! It's been awhile since my last post and the reason for that is Yoga Meltdown has taken over my life!!! What is Yoga Meltdown you might ask? It is an initiative that Toronto's Ratha Yatra (which is celebrating its 37th year!) has come up with.

There is a burgeoning yoga community that is growing in Toronto, which is a phenomenon that happening everywhere. More and more individuals are taking interest in yoga and Yoga Meltdown is a mini-festival within the 37th Annual Festival of India.

On July 19, 2009 (the second day of our two day festival) we are inviting all yoga enthusiasts to come and join us on Centre Island, Toronto to experience a yoga revolution. This is an opportunity to introduce many to not only the benefits of yoga itself but more importantly the spiritual side to yoga and more specifically bhakti yoga.

The event will be highlighted by numerous free activities such as:
- Non-stop outdoor yoga classes and demonstrations
- Vegan and vegetarian cooking demonstrations
- Mantra meditation
- Power-packed chanting and kirtan
- A non-stop stage program including drama and theatre
- An all-you-can-eat, free vegetarian feast, presented by Festival of India
- A South Asian Bazaar and much more!

For more information please visit www.yogameltdown.com. Please also visit our official Ratha Yatra website at www.feedyoursoul.to

Please help to spread the word and invite one and all to this yoga extravaganza and an opportunity to introduce many to the spiritual side of yoga!

Beautiful Nrsimhadeva

2009-05-17T11:35:00.000-07:00

I think my love affair with Nrsimhadeva began when I heard the words of HH Sacinandana Swami. It was a few years ago when I was fortunate enough to be celebrating Nrsimha Caturdasi at New Simhacalam in Germany. Nrsimhadeva there is unlike any other. In fact, that murti is one of the few, if not the only one, where Prahalad Maharaja is actually sitting on his lap. As we were celebrating and meditating on Nrsimhadeva, HH Sacinandana Swami said that we should always think of Nrsimha as our benevolent father. Yes, he can be fierce and very angry, but just like a lioness provides all affection and protection to her cubs, he provides all strength, shelter and love to his devotees.

Those words had a very deep impact upon my heart and so for me, that Nrsimhadeva in New Simhacalam is like a father to me. He is sweetly fierce and extremely merciful.

Fast forward another three years, when I had a chance to attend my first Nrsimha Caturdasi with the beautiful and wonderful Nrsimhadeva in New Vrndavana. We have always had a picture of this Nrsimhadeva on our altar ever since I was little, but I rarely ever had a chance to spend a lot of time with him in person. He is so regal and majestic and as my friend Mandali puts it, "He is a warrior!" This year, I got to render some very special service for him and got to know him a little bit better. He is very soft-hearted and listens very attentively to the heartfelt desires of his devotees.

But now any meditation Nrsimhadeva is not complete without remembering the active and wonderful Nrsimha in Mayapur. For close to 4 months, every morning I got to pray and marvel at that multi-armed ugra Nrsimhadeva. Although many find him extremely fierce and angry, I have always found him to be so cool! He always looks like he's going to jump off the altar. How wonderful would it be to have the eyes to see him dance jubilantly in the Radha Madhava temple room. He is always dressed so beautifully, but my favorite outfit is when he's wearing his pants. It gives the devotees a glimpse of how spectacular he is.

After spending so much time in Mayapur, I started developing the desire to worship Nrsimhadeva. He is my ever-protector and I wanted to reciprocate by serving him more personally. Then somehow through the mercy of the devotees, he came in his sila form. And so now, I'd like to introduce the newest member of my family: Sri Sri Lakshmi Nrsimhadeva. Although I thought that he would protect me and take care of me, apparently my dear Lord had other plans. Instead he is my baby Nrsimhadeva who is constantly demanding my attention and time. I personally think he's speaking too much with my Radha Damodara who are exactly the same way!

But its so wonderful to be able to serve him everyday. If I learned anything from HG Jananivas prabhu and HG Pankajanghri prabhu it is that the murti of the lord and the lord are non-different. That's why we can have different relationships with different deities and all of them are perfect. The lord likes to reveal himself in his different forms. All we need to do is become aware and conscious of that. I am definitely light years from realizing that the lord is a person but it definitely helps to have role models in your life to help show you the way.

Nrsimhadeva Bhagavan ki JAI!

New Simhacalam, Germany

New Vrndavana, West Viginia

Sri Mayapur Dham, India

My beautiful Lakshmi Nrsimhadeva

Taking the Opportunity

2009-05-13T18:39:00.000-07:00

Sometimes taking someone up on an offer to ride along with them to get some groceries can be the best thing that you do.

After a wonderful Festival of Inspiration 2009, I am now back in the comfort of my parent's home here in Ottawa. The past few days I've been talking with several friends about what were the highlights of this year's FOI. There were so many...in fact I think I will dedicate the next couple of posts to reflecting about many of them. But I found it funny that it wasn't until yesterday that I remember truly appreciating and reflecting about how one conversation with a good friend of mine really made this year's FOI very special for me.

It was the day of Nrsimha Caturdasi. Already the anticipation and excitement of a festival day was upon everyone in New Vrndavana. However, that being said, since most of the celebrations were taking place in the evening, I found myself meandering around the New Vrndavana grounds that afternoon. As I was chanting and wondering what I should do, I ran into my friend (and little brother) Jettu.

Immediately upon seeing me he asked, "Hey, do you want to come along with me to the grocery store? My mom wants me to buy some bhoga to offer to Nrsimhadeva." I asked how long it would probably take to go and come and Jettu said about an hour or so. I didn't even have to think, saying sure, we got into the car and off we were to the grocery store.

Jettu is one of the wonderful "younger devotees" in ISKCON Toronto. A kirtan enthusiast, quick witted and extremely funny individual, he is also one of my friends who I just never get a chance to spend a lot of time with. But here was an opportunity and I grabbed it.

There was never a dull moment in the car with us alternating between laughing and making fun to talking about serious and thought provoking realizations. It made me appreciate how special and unique every devotee is. Although in age Jettu may be younger than me, there is still so much that I can learn from him and so much to appreciate about him. Of course, I'll always take the opportunity to lecture him or make fun of him in a sisterly way, but its so nice to have someone like that.

Although I am an only child I have rarely ever felt it. I've always had plenty of younger/older brothers and sisters. Such is the gift that Srila Prabhupada has given all of us. It's up to us to take every opportunity we can to get to actually spend time with one another and get to know each other.

So thanks Jettu for asking me to come along for the grocery ride. I don't think I've ever had so much fun picking out fruit. :D

What Role Does Astrology Play In My Life?

2009-05-03T08:51:00.000-07:00

What role does astrology play in a devotees' life? Well, it depends on who you ask. My personal opinion is that astrology can be very useful, IF you have a good astrologer. In fact in Srimad Bhagavatam it states:

Whether one has a short life or a long life, one must suffer the threefold
miseries of material life. Therefore any gentleman, dhira, must be
interested in jyotisa, astrology (Bhag. 10.8.5)

But that being said in the Bhagavad-gita it also states:

"If you become conscious of Me, you will pass over all the obstacles of conditioned
life by My grace. If, however, you do not work in such consciousness but act
through false ego, not hearing Me, *you* will be lost" (Bg. 18.58)

So how to reconcile these two statements? Well, I heard something very profound that made a lot of sense to me. Astrology gives you an idea of the environment that you have to work with. But it doesn't mean that something WILL happen because there is always that Krsna factor that can change everything.

That once again puts the responsibility on you. I think sometimes getting an astrological chart done makes someone feel that "Ok, this is what is going to happen. I don't need to do anything." That is such a fatalistic attitude that completely disempowers an individual.

We always have free will and the entire purpose of material existence is to become educated. Educated that we do not belong here. The planets are simply teachers that help us in our education. If however, we learn our lessons voluntarily, then we do not need those lessons and hence sometimes those things that are predicted in our charts do not come true. There is no point in teaching someone something they have already learned.

So yes astrology is useful, but more important than astrology is self reflection and dependence on Krsna. By self reflection and association with devotees, Krsna will give indications of those things we need to work on whether it be cultivating humility to becoming a compassionate individual. If we voluntarily start to work on our anarthas, while keeping Krsna in the centre, then Krsna will personally help us. If, however, we want to learn the hard way then the planets will happily teach us by arranging for us to learn our lessons.

Service For Who??

2009-04-30T16:00:00.000-07:00

We always hear about it....it is the service attitude that Krishna is actually looking for. Of course, the ideal situation is having the right service attitude and offering him the results.

But that being said, it's sooooo easy to forget about cultivating and maintaining the right service attitude. How do I actually focus on the fact that this service is for Krishna's pleasure instead of being preoccupied with the results? I was reminded once again of how far I am in achieving my goal of constantly reminding myself, "Who is this service for? It's for Krishna." My normal thought process stops at "Who is this service for?" and unfortunately most of the time I never get to the second part, reminding myself it is all for Krishna.

So what happens when I don't answer my own question? I start worrying about the results and I instead focus on my own limited capacities. The result of that is I don't end up being a conduit for Guru and Krishna's mercy.

Case in point today. I am blessed to be heading up a mini-festival called Yoga Meltdown which is part of our large Toronto Ratha Yatra Festival (which by the way is celebrating its 37th year!). I was doing some service today which involved promoting the festival. After I finished my service, I had an epiphany. I did not ONCE think about how this festival is to help others come in contact with the highest teachings of bhakti yoga- love for Krishna. Instead I was totally focused on whether I was saying the right words and how effective I was as a promoter.

Definitely that is an important aspect. We should be focused on our service and always try to improve. But the point in this case is that I wish I could have even taken a few minutes before to chant and pray to my spiritual master to be an instrument in his hands.

So I'm grateful for the mercy of Guru and Krishna to recognize this. Next time before I do anything, the first thing I'm going to do is thank my spiritual master for the most precious gift he has given me, the holy name, and sincerely pray that I may assist him in spreading it around.

Looking for Every Opportunity to Learn

2009-04-27T20:26:00.001-07:00

People often come up to me and ask, "How do you feel now that you've finished your Masters?" I typically give the answer, "I'm SOOO happy! No more school." Which is often followed by a long pause and then, "Well, at least for now!"

But thinking about it, we never actually finish school. At least not if one is an aspiring spiritual seeker. We may think of school as a physical building with desks, computers, exams and stressed out students. While that maybe true, that misconception can lead us to forget that our sojourn through material existence is actually the true "SCHOOL" so to speak.

We are always in school, every moment of every day. The question is are we looking at every situation and circumstance as an opportunity to learn or, as it so happens so many times when we are physically in school, just try to get by without learning the true lesson.

This rings true for me. In school I would always get by, trying to cram at the last minute just so I could do well in the exam. See, the way schools here in the material world assess us are completely different than Krsna's way. There is no way to cram for the lessons Krsna is hoping we will learn and implement. It comes only by becoming conscious that we are having an exam at every moment. And what is that exam? The result is measured by our reaction. Is it Krsna conscious or is it self-centred?

I pray that I can develop this vision and get rid of my tendency to simply cram and hope for the best.

Exploitation

2009-04-26T20:13:00.000-07:00

Today HH Devamrita Swami gave the morning Bhagavatam class here in ISKCON Toronto. Maharaja was speaking from a verse talking about Jada Bharata and how his brothers exploited his nature. Maharaja brought out many wonderful points throughout his class but as always, for each individual person a certain something always stands out.

For me, in this case, the point of exploitation stood out. Maharaja spoke of how even when devotees are doing service, the tendency to exploit can creep out. We may see someone else is more "successful" than we are in their service and so we may belittle and impede their service.

Maharaja brought out several points as to why this happens. First of all who are we to judge what "success" actually is? It is up to Krsna to judge whether our service is successful and Krsna specifically defines what it is that makes it successful. It is the attitude, not the results. The results are a bonus but that is entirely up to Krsna, the only thing that we are in control of is our attitude in executing that service- with humility and completely relying on the mercy of Guru and Krsna.

Maharaja also said that this exploitation occurs when we see that someone else's results, and we feel that it takes away from what we could do. Maharaja brought up an interesting point in this regard saying that we are actually limiting Krsna by thinking in this way. We are indirectly saying that "I can only be successful if I get the same kind of result as that other person." We are not giving Krsna enough credit that first of all, once again, he is in charge of the result and secondly, we are being so narrow minded that we are only measuring results from one perspective. Krsna, being all knowing and so broadminded, can give results that we could never even dream of.

These points were so powerful. So simple yet powerful. We should simply focus on our attitude and not the result and secondly, let's not limit Krsna by our narrow vision.

The HighEST Taste!

2009-04-22T19:30:00.001-07:00

India was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I learned so much, got so much mercy and feel so grateful for all the blessings I received. But when I left it was with a specific purpose: to receive, rather than to give. Now, I know that's not the best attitude to have, but I'm a neophyte devotee and after being given the opportunity to assist so many others in their services in Toronto, I was feeling a little tapped out before going to India.

Ever since I've been back, my meditation has now been, "It's time to give everything you have received." That may sound very noble but please don't be mislead. It's actually for very selfish motivations. You see, a senior devotee once said a very wonderful phrase that has become ingrained in my consciousness "It is not possible to receive more mercy if you do not empty what you're holding in your hands. Where is the room?" So in order to make room and get more mercy, I've been really wanting to be a transparent medium and instrument to give whatever I've received.

Krsna is always listening and tonight was proof once more. I was attending a talk by HH Devamrita Swami on Spiritual Economics given at the University of Toronto to a crowd mainly made up of Certified Management Accountants. After the talk I was asked to mingle amongst the guests and talk to them. I turned to my friend Rashi, who was also requested to do the same, and said "But I don't speak Accounting," to which she replied, "No problem. Just got up to someone and say 'Hi, my name is Vinodini. I don't speak Accounting.'" LOL!

And so I started to make the rounds around the room when I saw one girl about to sit down holding a plate of prasadam. So I introduced myself (skipped the whole not speaking Accounting bit :D) and asked her what she did. Lo and behold, as it so happened she was high school math teacher! Some relatively common ground as I love teaching and have been contemplating on being a teacher in some type of capacity. We talked about how she finds teaching high school to be somewhat repetitive and how she feels unfulfilled.

As we continued to talk, I asked how she heard about the talk and from there the conversation totally took a turn to so many different topics. We spoke of Hinduism/Vaisnavism, karma, destiny, free will and how to connect to God. In fact when we were speaking about free will she said something really amazing. She said, "Yes I know that we have some control, but I don't like thinking that we are in full control. I also want to feel God's hand in everything." WOW! So wonderful! And so I was able to give the analogy of the two birds on a tree representing the atma and paramatma. She seemed to really like that analogy and remarked that her friend always says, "Let go, let God" but she went on to remark how difficult it is. At this I remarked that it's difficult because we have so many material conditionings and to actually "let God", so to speak, we need to get rid of them. This gave me the opportunity to speak about how the Hare Krsna mantra is the maha mantra and how it helps to dissolve all these conditionings.

She seemed very receptive and said she would try chanting and then went on to remark how the prasadam is so wonderful and how she really wants to go veggie. At the end of our conversation I felt so enlivened and realized how truly fallen I actually am. There is no higher taste in life than to share Krsna with others. In fact it is our sense gratification as aspiring devotees to give Krsna to others. We are spoiled and the sooner we realize it the better. To be miserly is of no use. The best thing we can do is to pray to Srila Prabhupada and the Guru parampara that we can somehow be utilized in their service.

mukam karoti vachalam
pangum langhayate girim
yat-kripa tam aham vande
shri-gurum dina-taranam

"I offer my respectful obeisances unto my spiritual master, the deliverer of the fallen souls. His mercy turns the dumb into eloquent speakers and enables the lame to cross mountains."

A Dialogue With My Mind

2009-04-20T06:59:00.000-07:00

Lately, I've been feeling like I've been spinning one spot. Spinning since I have millions of ideas and goals and thoughts and feelings all whirling through my head as to what I want to do in life....but unfortunately I feel like I'm in one spot because I haven't acted on any of those things.

But what can you do when it's one of those things you can't actually muster up the courage and determination to do something about? Yesterday I finally got my answer: I need to get to the heart of the problem. And interestingly enough, that was my biggest problem of all. See, I thought that my spinning around with uncertainty as to what I want to do and how I want to contribute to Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu's mission was actually the problem. But it's not.

At the end of the day, the number one obstacle that most people face in their lives is fear of failure and doing the wrong thing. And what is the result of this "seemingly insurmountable hurdle to overcome?" Not doing anything at all.

So, most people have probably heard of this very common expression "an idle mind is a devil's workshop. Well I'd like to add, "an overactive fearful mind is like being in solitary confinement." It feels like you're being caged in with you own worst enemy, the mind, who is always bringing up the dreaded statement of doubt, "But what if you're doing the wrong thing? What happens to all the effort?"

So now, after having gotten to the heart of the problem, I answer, "O mind, the result is not our worry to deal with! Leave that in the very capable hands of our dear Lord Krsna. Our only worry and concern is to set an example of being a humble devotee and finding ways to spread Krsna consciousness."

The Ways of the Material Energy

2009-04-14T14:22:00.000-07:00

Ever noticed that when you want something really bad and try really hard to go for it, more often than not, the harder it is to attain it? Also notice when you truly give up something, often times it come back or is easier to get?

Such are the ways of material nature. At least, this is what I have experienced in my own life. It has often confused me. How in the world do we aspire or endeavor for anything if it just ends up eluding us most of the time? Oftentimes in my enthusiasm or intense endeavors for the achieved goal or result I forget the key principle: I have all rights to endeavor but I have no claim over the result.

It is actually the desire for the object/achievement in question that actually gets in our way most of the time. That attachment is often two-fold. An attachment for the actual object/achievement and also the attachment to actually gain the object/achievement. Both of these attachments can blind us to opportunities as well as huge signposts indicating that "yes, this is a good thing" or "stop, this isn't good." The trick is to follow Krsna's advice (He really does have all the answers, doesn't He? :D). To simply work as a matter of duty and to leave all the results up to Him.

Definitely something that is easier said than done but as all things in life it's a matter of practice. As I've completed my wonderful sojourn in the holy land of India, I'm at a stage where I'm left contemplating many things. One of those things that is at the top of my list is "What am I going to do now?"

This concern and solution has thus been swimming around in my mind. That whatever new steps or endeavors I pursue, I should definitely do it with a full heart, a full heart that wants to devote whatever comes of those endeavors to Guru and Krsna. In this way, I can channel my enthusiasm in the correct way. At the end of the day Guru and Krsna are interested in the attitude and consciousness that goes behind everything, the result is just a bonus if it comes. That being said, sometimes under the pretense of saying everything is for Guru and Krsna our own material consciousness rears its ugly head and we become result conscious instead of Guru/Krsna conscious.

I pray that I can keep this at the forefront of my mind. I truly do want to devote everything to Guru and Krsna and I pray that I can do so by "Consciously knowing that everything depends on Krsna and acting as though everything depends on me."

Setting An Example

2009-04-13T09:08:00.000-07:00

yad yad acarati sresthas
tat tad evetaro janah
sa yat pramanam kurute
lokas tad anuvartate

Whatever action is performed by a great man, common men follow in his footsteps. And whatever standards he sets by exemplary acts, all the world pursues. Bg. 3.21

For the last few months I've been thinking about this, about how we can set an example. For one thing, it was a huge theme in our Brahmincal Culture and Education course of how a brahamana/brahmani should by their very lives set an ideal example. Now one could argue, that I do not have second initiation and therefore I am not a brahmana, but Srila Prabhupada in the first canto of Srimad Bhagavatam says something very heavy. He writes in the purport to SB. 1.2.20 "So one cannot be a devotee unless one at least qualifies as a brahmaṇa."

Whoa?! What does that mean? But what if I'm not second initiated? Prabhupada in his infinite mercy also explains what it means to be a brahmana.

"Perfection of human life is attained when one can understand that he is not the product of matter but is in fact spirit. And as soon as one understands that he has nothing to do with matter, he at once ceases his material hankerings and becomes enlivened as a spiritual being. This attainment of success is possible when one is above the modes of passion and ignorance, or, in other words, when one is actually a brahmaṇa by qualification. A brahmaṇa is the symbol of sattva-guṇa, or the mode of goodness."

Here Prabhupada is clearly stating that being a brahmana means to actually develop and practice the qualities of a brahamana. Furthermore Prabhupada goes on to say,

"The devotee is already a brahmaṇa by action. But that is not the end of it. As referred to above, such a brahmaṇa has to become a Vaiṣṇava in fact to be actually in the transcendental stage. A pure Vaiṣṇava is a liberated soul and is transcendental even to the position of a brahmaṇa. In the material stage even a brahmaṇa is also a conditioned soul because although in the brahminical stage the conception of Brahman or transcendence is realized, scientific knowledge of the Supreme Lord is lacking. One has to surpass the brahminical stage and reach the vasudeva stage to understand the Personality of Godhead Kṛṣṇa."

But just like we can't skip grade school and immediately enter high school, similarly here Prabhupada is laying out the path for us. It's like this: one can be a brahmana and not a vaisnava, but a vaisnava is automatically a brahamana.

This means that yes, it is still very important to aspire for and take second initiation, but at the same time it doesn't mean that upon receiving it that we are now a brahmana. Srila Prabhupada states very clearly that "a devotee is a brahmana by action." It is not simply because one is given gayatri mantras and chants them 3 times a day that one is now a brahmana. Yes, that may be part of it, but a brahmana is recognized by being in and acting in the mode of goodness.

Acting in the mood of goodness is like anything else in life, a choice. We can choose to be equipoised, gentle, compassionate and regular or we can choose to get upset, act according to our own self-interests and disturb others. Sometimes it is difficult to choose to act in goodness but remembering this will help.

What do we as devotees ultimately want to do? We want to please Guru and Krsna. So, what pleases them the most? Bringing others to the lotus feet of Krsna. And the easiest way to do that is to be exemplary. Being happy in Krsna consciousness ourselves is the best way to preach to others. So many devotees have said that the reason why they joined Krsna consciousness is because the devotees were happy. They also wanted to experience that happiness.

So it's our choice. We can set the ultimate best example for everyone, by practicing these qualities:

"Peacefulness, self-control, austerity, purity, tolerance, honesty, knowledge, wisdom and religiousness — these are the natural qualities by which the brahmanas work." Bg. 18.42

And of course we must possess the most important quality of all- the quality of being attached to chanting the holy name of the Lord. Hare Krsna Hare Krsna Krsna Krsna Hare Hare Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare!

Krsna Takes Care

2009-04-11T06:31:00.001-07:00

Well I'm finally home after 5 1/4 months of traveling. Still a bit jet-lagged but considering I've been traveling for over 24 hours+ what can I say. A good excuse for me to be a bit lazy. :D

I had a very comfortable and hassle free flight all because of my beloved Radha Damodara which I can officially say are now my traveling deities! :D On Thursday night (the night before I was to leave) I was on the phone with my dad. After talking about a few things he finally said, "Is there anything else?" To which I replied jokingly, "Well I would love to be upgraded to first class!"

My dad is one of the sweetest people you'll ever meet and constantly surprises me. Instead of laughing and saying yes that would be nice, which I expected him to do, instead he said, "Well first class might not be possible, but why don't you see if you can get upgraded to business class. Don't worry, I'll cover the difference." I was really touched.

So when I checked in at Bangalore airport I casually asked if there were any seats available in business class. The lady at the counter said yes but we don't take cash or credit to upgrade at the counter. So that settled that. After waiting for about 3 hours at the airport, I boarded my World Traveller Class (I love how that's how they call economy class :S) window seat and settled in for the next 10 hours.

Upon reaching Heathrow airport, I had another 5.5 hour wait before catching my flight to Montreal. After walking around, finishing all my rounds and experiencing some crazy culture shock, "What do you mean 350 pounds for a handbag???" it was finally time for my flight. As I walked to my gate in Terminal 5, I realized that it was a gate from which we had to take a bus to board the aircraft. So this naturally took more time as everyone had their passport and boarding pass checked and then were slowly ushered onto the buses.

When it came to my turn, they took my passport and my boarding pass and for some reason took my old boarding pass actually issued me a new one. I didn't pay much attention to it as the person surveying my passport was speaking to me. It was only when I got onto the bus that I noticed that my seat had been changed from 17K to 12J. I was really confused and a bit upset as I figured out that J was probably a middle seat. :S

But I couldn't do anything about it as I was on the bus. Also I had this strange feeling that I should just wait and see what would happen. So when I boarded the aircraft, I checked out my seat and guess what? It was a business class seat! :D For whatever unknown reason they had upgraded me to business class and I didn't even have to pay for it!

I know it's all thanks to my Radha Damodara. They are so present in their beautiful deity form and I know that my Damodara is always listening to me. And here was another example. Even though I had no expectations, somehow he arranged that I could fly comfortably. Even more so they arranged it in such a way that I didn't even notice that my seat had been changed because if I had, I probably would have opened my mouth and ruined it for myself asking why my seat had been changed! LOL!

So it just goes to show, Krsna takes care. :D

Packing

2009-04-09T04:12:00.000-07:00

I am currently sitting in my Aunt's place after a tiring day traveling around Bangalore by auto rikshaw shopping for last minute items. WHEW! But even coming home to my Aunt's place is no reprieve because surrounding me is all my luggage and all the items I still need to pack... :S Blah!

I hate packing...both my belongings and this trip. It signifies so many things for me both symbolically and practically. Most of all it signifies change. Change is always slightly scary and totally unpredictable. We never know what is going to come. More scary for me is the realization that everything that happens can ultimately benefit me, it's just up to me to make use of all opportunities that Krsna sends my way. That realization is a significant and sobering one.

No more can I complain and just say that it had to happen that way. Krsna sends us different situations according to our past karma, but we still have the free will to decide what we will do in those situations.

So I guess I'm also hoping that in the midst of this packing, I can also pack up my own misconceptions and bad attitudes and throw them out. Because that's also part of packing, as I'm beginning to realize due to my overweight luggage problem! Packing just doesn't just mean an end, it also means new beginnings that (hopefully!) will be free of anything that weighs us down unnecessarily.

So as I now sit down in my room and begin to pack and try to get rid of whatever I don't need, I'm praying that I can also see this as a new chapter of my life. A chapter of new beginnings, new attitudes, implementing all the new things I've learned and sharing all the gifts and mercy that I've been given.

Random Musings...

2009-04-08T08:11:00.001-07:00

So...it's my second last night here in India...tomorrow night I'll barely get a chance to sleep because I have to leave ridiculously early on Friday morning to get to the airport.

It's been such a sweet experience. There's so much I've experienced and felt and did in the last 5 and 1/4 months. So many friends, so many lectures and so many moments of unadulterated mercy. It's hard to think it's coming to a close.

One thing I know for certain. I've changed. It happens with every trip I take. But I've also noticed that with every trip that change has become more and more subtle.

This trip has given me a lot of things to reflect on like how I can actually become more conscious of Krsna? Deity worship is such a wonderful gift that our acaryas have given us. One of the most important and key elements in deity worship is manasa puja. That is offering and performing the entire puja mentally before physically beginning the worship. Our minds are so fickle and restless and even though we may get the opportunity to render this incredibly personal service, still the mind (at least mine!) still runs away. Manasa puja forces the mind to be conscious and to focus on the Lord.

It helps one to become conscious. It's the open secret in Krsna consciousness. To actually be conscious of Krsna! That no matter what service we are performing that this is for the pleasure of the Lord and the devotees. It is for NOTHING else. It has nothing to do with me and my pleasure and everything to do with the Lord's pleasure. Throughout my travels the greatest gift was to associate with wonderful devotees who are rendering their varied services with this proper consciousness.

In particular, I'll never be able to repay HG Pankajanghri and HG Jananivas prabhus. Their exclusive devotion to the Lord has shaken me to my very core. Their constant and steady service and their complete joy in teaching others will always be such an inspiration. I pray that I too can perform all my services with the steadiness and proper consciousness that these two incredible vaisnavas maintain and exemplify.

An Interesting Conversation...

2009-04-07T09:23:00.000-07:00

Ever have those conversations that make you realize how lucky you actually are? I had a conversation like that the day I landed in Bangalore. I was to stay at my uncle's place and so he came to pick me up at the airport. My uncle, or I should be more specific, my great uncle, is getting on in years and doesn't drive so he enlisted one of his friends to drive us.

As we were driving back to my uncle's place, his friend started speaking to me. As a bit of background, my uncle's friend is over fifty years old, has a family, just recently retired and has lived in India all his life. He asked me the question that most people I run into have been asking me, "Why did you come to India?" And so I answered that I came to learn about puja/arcana and spend some time in the holy dham.

I think that really shocked him. Here's this youngish looking girl traveling around India to actually focus on her spirituality? What? He even said it..."You're too young to be thinking of all this." And I countered and said, "I think I'm already too old and lost too many years." LOL... The conversation was really, really interesting with this gentlemen asking me so many questions, but one question really stood out for me.

We somehow got onto the topic of guru and I explained that I had a spiritual master. I also said how it is so important that the guru be bona fide and that the qualification is that such a spiritual master is a transparent via medium. He then asked me, "Are you confident that your Guru is such bona fide spiritual master?" With every fiber of my being I answered, "I am a million percent sure. Without a doubt, I know that he has seen the absolute truth." What he said next made me really sad. He said, "You are very lucky, I have been searching for such a person my entire life."

Those words had such a profound impact on me. I am SO LUCKY. How much more fortunate can I be? I have this incredible spiritual master who puts up with all my rubbish and still encourages me and scolds me and loves me unconditionally. And the best part is that he sees me for what I am. An eternal part and parcel of Krsna.

Thank you Guru Maharaja. There are so many lost, fallen conditioned souls out there, but somehow you have granted me access to the dust of your lotus feet and the trusty walking stick of your instructions which will save me when I stumble and fall. All glories to your infinite and causeless mercy!

Call Out With Love!

2009-04-06T02:37:00.000-07:00

After every kirtan what do devotees immediately do? Pay obeisances...yes that's true, but along with paying obeisances one person will normally chant the prema dhvani prayers and the others will respond with "Jaya!" So what exactly are the prema dhvani prayers, really?

Prema dhvani literally translates to words of love. Did you know that? I have to admit up to a few moments ago I didn't know that prema dhvani actually means words of love. I just knew that these prayers were in glorification to various personalities and I knew the exact translation to one line of these prayers thanks to HH Candramauli Swami. A few months ago Maharaja was speaking about one line in the prema dhvani prayers and after hearing him give the English translation and speak about it, it immediately became my favorite line in these prayers. What's the line you ask?

"Premse kaho Sri Krishna Caitanya, Prabhu Nityananda, Sri Advaita, Gadadhara, Srivasadi Gaura-bhakta-vrinda ki jaya!"

Yes, this is the Panca Tattva mantra and that on its own makes it an awesome prayer, but what is it that really touched me? It was the premse kaho part which literally translates to "Call out with love!"

How amazing is our Vaisnava tradition that just within this one glorification our entire tattva is encapsulated! Because that's just it....everything in Krsna consciousness is about the emotion behind it and that emotion is love.

It's about the consciousness behind understanding why we do things, because if we understand then only can emotion come into play. Every time we bow down to pay obeisances we should remember that we are glorifying and hearing words of love and that we are also calling out and expressing that glorification with love. If we can do this then we can truly value and sincerely pay obeisances.

This should become our motto...that whenever we chant, sing in kirtan, speak with other devotees and chant the prema dhvani prayers that we call it out with love!

Lessons of the Ramayana

2009-04-04T07:13:00.000-07:00

This year I was fortunate to celebrate Rama Navami in Bangalore at the ISKCON Jagannatha Temple. As it so happened, HG Shyamasundara prabhu, a disciple of Srila Prabhupada and well-known astrologer and scholar, gave the class on this joyous occasion. What a class it was!

There were so many highlights to the class that I don't even know where to begin. For example, he related how in the Padma Purana it describes why Sita was banished from Ayodhya when she was pregnant. This has always bewildered me and it was amazing to finally hear an answer after so many years of wondering why.

When Sita was young, she, her sister Urmilla and two cousins were playing outside. At that time Sita heard the entire Ramayana being spoken by two parrots. She heard of how she would meet and marry Rama and the entire pastime. Being extremely curious, she started interrogating the two parrots. The parrots replied that they lived in the forest where the sage Valmiki lived and being parrots they were simply repeating what they heard and they couldn't give her further explanations. Sita wasn't satisfied with this answer and so she put both the parrots in a cage. The parrots told her that they were used to living freely and that they would not survive in the cage and so Sita let the male parrot go but kept his wife in the cage. The female parrot was pregnant and became very upset, having been separated from her husband in such a condition, and so she cursed Sita that she too would be separated from her husband when she was pregnant. Upon cursing Sita, she died. The male parrot upon seeing his wife die, fainted, fell into a pool of water and drowned.

It was that same male parrot who took birth as the washerman who spoke those words that prompted Rama to banish Sita to the forest. That washerman stated that Rama had taken back Sita even though she had lived at another man's house. Rama, being the ideal king, took these words, even though they came from a lowly washerman, so seriously that this resulted in Sita being banished.

Prabhuji went onto describe that Sita, the mother of the universe, and Rama, the supreme, could have easily counteracted or not let the curse effect them. However, the Ramayana is one of the Lord's lilas and dramas. So they allowed themselves to be the recipient of these curses and played out their lilas. In turn, the Ramayana goes onto exemplify two things: ideal household life and ideal leadership.

As exemplified in the above story, the Ramayana in general, is the overall theme of doing the right thing. It's one thing to know something is right, but it's quite another thing to do what's right. This is why the Ramayana is so important, it shows us how the Lord himself follows dharma and how we too should strive to do what is right.

Prabhuji also brought out the point that doing the right thing may not mean we will get the intended result. For example, Jatayu did the right thing by trying to save Sita and challenging Ravana to fight. From the material perspective he failed in his attempts because he lost and died. If however, one looks at his attempt from the spiritual viewpoint, he was gloriously successful. In fact, it is said that Lord Rama personally shed tears upon his death and performed his final rites. Is that not the goal for all of us who are aspiring devotees? Lord Rama personally shed tears when he left. Our goal ultimately is to become so dear to the Lord, so what does it matter if in our endeavours we do not succeed to the extent that we may hope to? All that matters is our intention. If the Lord so desires that we be used as his instruments to succeed in devotional service then it is his glory, not ours. And if do not "succeed" then we should clearly inspect our motivations. Is it for glory and honour that we wanted to succeed or did we do it to please Guru and Srila Prabhupada. If we do it to please Guru and Srila Prabhupada then we never have to worry, our life will be successful. Jaya Sri Rama!

Radha Madan Mohan ki JAI!!!

2009-03-30T09:19:00.000-07:00

March 27, 2009 marked a very special day. It was the day that Radha Madan Mohan were installed in a new temple in Kharghar, Navi Mumbai. At the moment only the temple and a few other structures have been built but the vision is to have a cultural and education centre.

It was packed, noisy, exciting and full of anticipation. It's not everyday that deities are installed. It's the day that Krsna is officially asked to please enter his arca vigraha form and after that he is fully present. What made the day even more special was that the Safari devotees got to witness the abhishek and the gurukulis led a rockin' kirtan!

After the abhishek was an appreciation ceremony in a huge pandal, followed by the first aarti offered to their Lordships. It was crazy! Devotees were so excited to get a better glimpse of the Lord that it became complete mayhem. Although it got a bit too much for some, it was amazing to see that despite the craziness the majority of devotees didn't take any offense or get upset but just accepted the fact that everyone was so eager to see the Lord. The aarti was then followed by a yummy prasadam feast served out to hundreds!

Radha Rasabihari, Lions, Swimming, Radha Giridhari and Cultural Programs!!!

2009-03-28T04:53:00.000-07:00

My second day on the safari turned out to be a free day! First thing was getting to take darshan of Gaura Nitai, Radha Rasabihari and Rama, Lakshmana, Sita and Hanuman. So beautiful! Then, a bunch of us got onto the bus and took off to Sanjay Ghandi National Park. There we had a small breakfast and hung around chanting and taking in some sights which included two lions and two Bengal tigers...I know! Quite the zoo...LOL. Afterward, we were in for a special treat-we got to go swimming in the Arabian Sea! It was so much fun, just riding the waves and swimming in the warm waters. After a few hours on the beach, we then headed to the Mira Road temple where we got to take in the beautiful darshan of Radha Giridhari and Jagannatha, Baladeva and Subhadra. After some wonderful prasadam and a quick nap it was time for the cultural program. Over 2000 people came! Such a wonderful preaching opportunity. All glories to this year's 2009 Safari!

A night of magic, love and kirtan!

2009-03-27T05:33:00.000-07:00

I'm back in Belapur after spending 2 1/2 unforgettable days on this year's 2009 safari! I had SUCH an amazing time. The first night I arrived at Juhu, there was a cultural program that took place in the auditorium. This is what the safari does. At every place they stop, they hold a cultural program and in this way preach as well as see holy tirthas. The night was filled with magic, acrobatics, the Shyam dance, dramas, a fire show, kirtans and the highlight-HH Jayapataka Swami.

By some great fortune, this is the third or fourth time I have been in Maharaja's association this year and I can't express the emotion I feel every time I see him. He is simply incredible. His magnanimity, his service attitude, his care for all the devotees and his love for Srila Prabhupada is immeasurable. Despite still being in recovery, his schedule is as hectic as ever. That first evening, Maharaja gave a short talk and then afterward expressed his gratitude to the devotees who took care of him so nicely and arranged for everything when he first had the stroke. With so much love, Maharaja presented gifts and certificates to many devotees including his beloved god-brother HH Gopal Krsna Goswami. It was such a beautiful night filled with so much love and reciprocation.

Boat Festival in Vrndavana

2009-03-24T00:29:00.000-07:00

I often have a tendency to look for the perfect picture. When I see a beautiful scene or a rare moment, the first thing I do is grab for my camera. But I actively chose to separate myself from my camera this time in Vrndavana.

It's said that all of the holy dhams are becoming more and more covered as Kali yuga progresses. I find this to be so true in Vrndavana. On the surface, Vrndavana is bustling, dusty and dirty. It's so hard to actually photograph the REAL Vrndavana. In fact the only way one can "see" Vrndavana is through the ears. Only by hearing about Vrndavana from the self realized souls can we actually see Vrndavana as it is.

That's why this time around I have very few pictures of Vrndavana. There were only two times that I took my camera with me when I went out. One, as you can see below, is when the boat festival took place in Krsna Balarama mandir and the second time was one time during the bhajans that took place at BBGS's home.

The boat festival was an INCREDIBLE experience. For one afternoon, there was no courtyard in Krsna Balarama mandir. Instead there was a carpet of beautiful flower petals arranged in different designs. Below this beautiful carpet was a mini-lake for chota Radha Shyamasundara. In a beautiful swan boat, they gracefully took a tour around this lake to the melodic chanting of the maha-mantra led by HH BBGS, HH SRS and HG Aindra Prabhu.

Celebrating Holi in Chowpatty!!!

2009-03-24T00:03:00.000-07:00

I have never celebrated Holi in India before. I've heard of it, seen pictures of people covered in all sorts of colour and always dreamed of participating in it, but never have I actually been part of a Holi celebration. But as always, Krsna fulfills all the desires of a devotee and he is so expert that he does it in such a way that he brings that aspiring devotee closer to him.

So I can officially say that not only have I been part of A Holi celebration, I've been part of chota Radha Krsna's holi pastimes in Chowpatty!

Gaura Purnima in Mumbai!

2009-03-23T23:09:00.001-07:00

I've taken a lot of pictures throughout my travels in the past couple of weeks, but for some strange reason my SD card reader on my computer is acting up. Anyways, I finally found another way to transfer all the pictures, so here I go with posting pics!

First up is Gaura Purnima celebrations in Chowpatty, Mumbai. It was special to me in so many ways. One, it was Gaura Purnima in Chowpatty! Two, it was a chance to celebrate one of the most auspicious appearance days in the association of two of my beloved siksa gurus, HH Radhanatha Swami and HH Candramauli Swami and three, because I got to witness the sannyasa initiation of HH Bhakti Caksur Sundara Goswami.

Selfless Love

2009-03-22T09:48:00.000-07:00

This year Radharani was so merciful that she allowed me to stay in her dham for almost 10 days. All trips to Vrndavana are supremely special, but this one was more than special. It was heart enriching experience. Not only was I granted permission to come to the holy dham, but my Guru Maharaja was in Vrndavana.

Being around Guru Maharaja is always a purifying and deep experience and this time was no exception. Niranjana Swami’s health is quite bad at the moment, but despite being in so much pain, his meditation is on how to help and care for devotees. He has no consideration to his own needs and comforts but is always trying to find a way to extend himself to anyone, whether they be a direct disciple or not.

Oftentimes we hear and read about the selfless service attitude of Srimati Radharani. But that’s just it, we hear and read. It is because of the causeless mercy of Srila Prabhupada that we have such amazing devotees, such as HH Niranjana Swami, who are showing us in action what it actually means to genuinely possess and practice these qualities of devotional service.

It is actually a very sobering experience to witness such selfless love and dedication. For me, it was also a heart operation because it was an eye-opener to how selfish and self-absorbed I actually am. Imagine being in intense pain and focusing only on the problems and spiritual welfare of others. It is mind-boggling.

But this is also the mood of Srimati Radharani. At whatever cost, despite whatever pain she herself undergoes, all she cares about is the happiness of her beloved Shyam. In fact, it is said that she considers that very pain to be her greatest happiness as long as Krsna is happy. Such an exalted state of being! To want nothing but the happiness of someone else.

It is my hope that one day I can imbibe even one insignificant sliver of this selfless love that my Guru Maharaja possesses. I pray that my greatest happiness will always be seeing the spiritual happiness of others and that I can be of some service to my Guru Maharaja.

Only in Vrndavana

2009-03-17T20:18:00.000-07:00

The last time I came to Vrndavana I was running around like crazy. I was attending the Varsana and Govardhan retreats and so spent very little time in Vrndavana itself. The few days I spent in Vrndavana were spent in the chaotic madness of Loi Bazaar. This time, I am not travelling so much but instead spending time chanting and taking in the sights and sounds of the dham itself.

Yesterday I saw the funniest thing ever. I was sitting and chanting when I happened to look up to the balcony of a house across the street. There were some clothes hanging on the line, drying in the mid-afternoon sun. At that very moment, a mischevious monkey happen to come by and start pulling on the clothes. Slowly but surely, this monkey started pulling down each of the items on the line and throwing it on the ground. As if that wasn't enough, it took one of the cadars and started wrapping it around its head and over its shoulders. I was laughing like anything. Only in Vrndavana would you see something like this.

I was thinking about this incident a lot while I continued to chant and was thinking, "I'm just like this monkey. I'm always trying to disturb and steal Krsna's things in the form of his energy." While the monkey causes a disturbance to the owner of the clothes by ripping and throwing them on the ground, I cause a disturbance to Krsna by trying to pass off and manipulate his energies like my own. Instead of being a mischevious burden, instead if I could only, and at all times, remember who the REAL owner is, then I could always find a way to use everything in Krsna's service.

Vrndavana!

2009-03-14T21:56:00.000-07:00

By the mercy of the devotees and Srimati Radharani I'm in Sri Vrndavana dham! It never ceases to amaze me how Srimati Radharani prepares me for coming to Vrndavana.

This time I was flying in to Delhi from Mumbai with a friend who had arranged for a taxi to pick us up. Both of us were in anticipation to get to Vrndavana. So we arrived at the airport and typical, there was no taxi. That's pretty common in India, and so after calling we were informed that the taxi was caught in Delhi traffic. Already in separation, we resigned ourselves to the fact that Radharani wanted us to be even more eager to come and so we sat and chanted for about 1 hour. The taxi finally arrived and to our surprise we found that there was another devotee sitting with the driver. Thinking nothing of it, we got in and were asking how long it would take to reach Vrndavana.

Imagine our surprise when we were told that we weren't going to Vrndavana straight but instead the taxi was going to Radha Partha-Sarathi temple. We couldn't believe it. What was going on!? We wanted to see Krsna Balarama!!! After sitting impatiently in Delhi traffic for over 1 1/2 hours we finally reached Delhi temple and immediately arranged for another taxi to take us to Vrndavana.

Finally after another 3 hours we saw the initial signs indicating Varsana, Govardhan and Vrndavana! There's no other way to describe my feeling of arriving in the dham short of saying I was euphoric. Finally, Vrndavana! Vrndavana dham ki JAI! Srimati Radharani ki JAI!

The Small Things...

2009-03-12T00:36:00.000-07:00

I can't believe I've had access to internet for a couple of hours now, so I thought, "Why not write something else since I might not have so much time in the next coming days."

I'm feeling nostalgic and very grateful right now here in Chowpatty. Grateful for the endless mercy that I have received and am continuing to receive (I'm to go to Vrndavana dham tomorrow!!!!).

But I'm also feeling nostalgic. After having lived in Mayapur for four months I'm missing everything that reminds me of Mayapur. I miss Pankajanghri and Jananivas prabhus, my siksa gurus, role models and just the most amazing people in the universe. Of course it goes without saying that I miss all the deities. It's just not the same not waking up to see Radha Madhava, Panca Tattva and Nrsimhadeva. I also miss just walking around the holy dham, running into devotees and having unplanned conversations.

Speaking of devotees, I really miss my friends. I miss my Apurva Nilacala and her singing my name, "Vrndavana, Vrndavana Vrndavana!" I can't tell you how much I miss her. She's one of my closest friends and being with her was one of the highlights of my stay. I also miss my dear Malini who is probably on her way back home. I miss hanging out with her at Vaisnava Academy, complaining about how there is nothing new to eat at Bhakta Tomato and having Sacinandana Swami katha. I also miss her calling me Vrin.

It's so funny how it's the small things that I actually miss the most. Yes, I miss the deities but there's very specific things I miss. For example, standing in front of Radha Madhava and praying to them right after the Govindam prayers and sometimes, seeing a flower fall from Radharani's hand. I also miss seeing Mahaprabhu's amazing turbans, not to mention when Nrsimahadeva wears his tight gold or silver pants.

Sigh....but you know it's true what they say. I'm more absorbed about these things now that I'm away from Mayapur than when I was there. Of course, I'm sure I'll feel the same way when I leave Chowpatty and go to Vrndavana and then when I take leave of Vrndavana....

Krsna always finds a way to make me remember him, whether through his deity form, his dham or his devotees and for this I'll always be grateful.

The 500th Anniversary

2009-03-11T22:16:00.000-07:00

This Gaura Purnima marked the 500th anniversary of Lord Caitanya's taking sannyasa. On this most auspicious occasion, all the devotees who were fortunate to be in Gopinatha dham (aka: Chowpatty) were able to witness the sannyasa initation of HG Jagat Caksur prabhu. In the presence of Sri Sri Radha Gopinatha, HH Kavicandra Swami, HH Candramauli Swami and all the assembled vaisnavas, prabhuji received sannyasa initiation from HH Radhanatha Swami and was given the name Bhakti Caksur Sundara Goswami.

For me, the underlying message behind this year's Gaura Purnima was the unceasing and compassionate mercy of Caitanaya Mahaprabhu. Yes, as devotees we may theoretically know and even accept this fact, but do we really feel it? It's a question that I'm now asking myself as I reflect upon the hours of katha I heard yesterday. Caitanya Mahaprabhu took sannyasa at the tender age of 24. He gave up a loving mother, an incredible wife and all facilities just so he could spread the holy name around to everyone. He did this for us. How much more compassionate can someone be? But am I truly grateful? The sad truth is a resounding NO. I'm not grateful.

Why do I actually feel this now? Because being in the association of HH Radhanatha Swami is always sweet torture for me. It's sweet because it's HH Radhanatha Swami who is one of my beloved siksa gurus and the epitome of humility, but on the other hand it's torture because Maharaja has the incredible ability to show me exactly who I am. I am normally under the blissful illusion that I'm a good devotee, but with Maharaja, there's no room for that pretense. I instead realize how ungrateful, undetermined, and proud I actually am.

Yesterday was definitely no exception. Hours upon hours upon hours of listening and hearing to Gauranga's pastimes has such an impact on the heart. By hearing the attitude, behavior and genuine love the associates of Mahaprabhu had for him and the holy name it gives a good reality check as to what I am. That reality check is that I am a mercy case.

I am a mercy case who desperately needs the mercy of Caitanya Mahaprabhu. And instead of feeling completely wretched and fallen, I feel so happy because this is the only pre-requisite I need for the mercy of Mahaprabhu! I actually qualify! :D How much more fortunate can I be?

So on this 500th anniversary of Lord Caitanya's taking sannyasa, the ultimate act of compassion, I beg at his lotus feet that I may be utilized as an instrument to spread his glories and that I may truly become trnad api sunicena...

Travel, Travel, Travel!

2009-03-10T01:24:00.000-07:00

Whew! I think it's the first time in days now that I have gotten internet access and have finally gotten a chance to catch my breath. My last few days in Sri Mayapur dham were well....not really spent in Sri Mayapur dham!

On the 7th, my friend Malini Priya and I were fortunate enough to go to Ekachakra, the birthplace of my most favorite Nityananda Rama! After enduring a bumpy 4 hours in the Tata Sumo we finally reached Ekachakra. ISKCON is in the midst of building a big centre there and although it's pretty small now, the devotees were so personal. They even arranged that a guide go around with us to show us all the holy places. Ekachakra is still a very small village and so we walked everywhere on foot. The best part is that all the holy dhams reside in Ekachakra! Nitai's mercy can be felt everywhere and as Malini said it best, "There's magic in the air."

The next day was the famous Shantipur festival which takes place on the disappearance day of Madhavendra Puri. It is said that anyone who eats prasadam in Shantipur on this day is guaranteed to get Krsna prema! Never one to pass up on anything that comes really easy, I made sure to go. :D Shantipur is an important tirtha, being the home of Advaita Acarya. The deity of Advaita Acarya there is incredible and most importantly it is the place where Srila Prabhupada came to pray for strength before coming to the West. Srila Prabhupada would go and pray at the small kutir (which still exists) where Nityananda, Caitanya and Advaita Prabhu used to sit and discuss how to spread the sankirtana movement. Everyone should definitely go there at least once in their life as you can feel Srila Prabhupada's presence there and gain so much inspiration.

Then finally, yesterday was the most lamentable day (at least for me) as it was the day that I was physically leaving Mayapur. Taking leave of Panca Tattva, Nrsimha and Sri Sri Radha Madhava and the asta sakhis was impossible. I pray that I can be back there as soon as possible. They are my family now and all the devotees there are like gems. I will miss them all so much but I take them all in my heart always...

However, despite the sadness, there was still some joy as I wasn't just leaving Mayapur to just go anywhere....I was on my way to Chowpatty!!! And that's where I am now after having listened to an amazing class on humility by HH Radhanath Swami. Chowpatty is such an indescribable oasis in the madness and choas of Mumbai. I feel so fortunate to be here....where I go next, well let's see....:D

Finally....Maha Abhishek Pictures!!!

2009-03-05T21:59:00.000-08:00

This was the first time that I got to be in Mayapur for the Maha Abhishek and it was incredible...

On Surrender and Choices

2009-03-02T19:53:00.001-08:00

The first time I went away from home was when I went to Radhadesh in 2004. At that time I had set myself a goal before leaving: I wanted that trip to be a life transforming experience for me. Due to the unlimited mercy of Sri Sri Radha Gopinatha (who will always have such a special place in my heart) and the Radhadeshvasis, that trip indeed transformed my life in a very significant way.

See, I have been lucky enough to grow up in a Krsna Consciousness family ever since I was born. But like any person who has things handed to them, I never really valued or appreciated the true gem of KC. So that trip in 2004 allowed me the greatest opportunity: to make a personal choice. Getting the opportunity to take the Bhakti sastri course, associate with devotees 24 hours a day and clarify all my doubts allowed me to "choose Krsna consciousness" for myself.

Krsna consciousness was not just a way of life anymore, it was MY way of life and the biggest priority in my life.

Similarly, before I came to Mayapur I had a goal. I wanted to take these few precious months where Krsna was allowing me to reside in his holy dham to surrender. I wanted to simply surrender to Krsna's plan. I didn't want to make my own plans, become attached to my plans or fight whatever Krsna's plan was (which is normally what I do). Instead I wanted to tell Krsna, "Krsna whatever you think is best for my spiritual life, please let it be."

As my time in Mayapur is coming to an end, I am so grateful. Krsna gave me ample opportunities to surrender. Most of the time I didn't take the opportunities but I am happy to say that I did a few times. The result of those small attempts of surrender have a left a deep impression in my heart. Krsna is there, he's listening and he's arranging things for me so expertly that I don't need to worry about anything. It is clear to me now that I don't know what is best for me. Krsna knows what is best for me.

Something a very wise devotee once said in a lecture comes to mind. "We should not be attached to the form in which things come, but the substance that is behind that form." What does this mean? We should be attached to whatever is best for our advancement in Krsna consciousness, irregardless of the form it comes in.

Years back I made the choice to make KC my way of life. But as I've come to realize, it is not a choice that you make once; it's a conscious choice that I continue to make EVERYDAY. I have only begun my attempts to surrender to Krsna's plan, but the beautiful thing about this process is that as we make the right choices and try to surrender, the process becomes sweeter and more personal.

I beg that blessings of the Vaisnavas that I can ever surrender to Krsna's plan for me.

Reflections in the Heat

2009-03-01T04:14:00.001-08:00

The past few days have just been....well....hot and pretty chaotic! Sri Mayapur dham is steaming as I write and unfortunately I haven't been coping so well with the heat. Most of the time I'm trying to get things done and instead I end up in my room under my fan taking naps! Definitely not the way I'd like to spend my last few weeks in the holy dham! :(

But a very dear friend of mine, Radha Sundari, shared a realization that she had which I very much appreciate. "Sometimes in the heat you just have to surrender to the fact that you might not get anything done!"

Being a person who is normally pretty active (I say normally because I can be very absorbed in my worship of Nidra devi at times!) I feel pretty useless especially now that the deity worship course has come to an end. Having been running on maximum potential for the past couple of weeks with barely any sleep, lots of excitement and lots of mercy, I feel like a blob at times.

However, I've been trying to utilize this time to become more reflective. Although the heat is slowing me down and is definitely taking a toll on my energy levels, at the same time its allowing me to spend more time with Radha Madhava/Panca Tattva/Nrsimhadeva and my own deities. I'm also getting more time to read and just reflect about what I want to do with my newfound knowledge, realizations and enthusiasm. I'm also getting to spend a lot of time with wonderful devotees that I've gotten the opportunity to meet.

Mayapur is home and the deities and the devotees are my family. I feel that more and more everyday. The mercy of Gauranga is so tangible and even when I feel like a useless incompetent blob, I've never felt happier in my life. So if it's hot and it needs to get hotter, let it be! I just pray that this Mayapur sun can melt my heart into a rich and tasty butter that my spiritual master can offer to Sri Sri Radha Madhava.

Nectar Soaked!

2009-02-25T20:24:00.001-08:00

I don't even know where to begin....The past few days have been chaotically intoxicating! Days that have been drenched in the abhisheks of the holy name and Sri Sri Panca Tattva!

On Tuesday the 24th, the 72 hr kirtan officially kicked off! Kirtaneers like HG Aindra prabhu, HH Sivarama Swami, HH BBGS, HH Lokanath Swami and so many more were drowning devotees in oceans of ecstasy as the Panca Tattva temple room began overflowing with the honey soaked voices of devotees chanting the holy names. As the kirtans continued throughout the night and into the next morning it was time for the piece de resistence- THE MAHA ABHISHEK!!!

Words really cannot describe how it feels to physically be present and watch the bathing of Sri Sri Panca Tattva. It is something that can only be felt. It's a feeling of complete connection, utter gratitude and so many other emotions that just overwhelm a devotee. It was even more special for me because I got to see some of my classmates actually participate in bathing their Lordships and I got a glimpse of how wonderful it is to feel complete happiness in seeing others get special mercy.

And the kirtans during the abhishek! I will never forget the feeling of complete happiness when HH Sivarama Swami started singing towards the end of the abhishek.....

The festivities are continuing on here....today marks the final day of the 72 hour kirtan and there are unlimited activities to take part in such as the sat-sanga seminars that are continuing on here, a memorial service for HH Tamal Krsna Goswami in honor of his disappearance day, the graduation ceremony for the students of Mayapur Academy and so much more....

Will post pictures as things start to settle down here. Sri Sri Panca Tattva ki JAI!

If Only...

2009-02-23T01:25:00.000-08:00

...I could be in three places at once! The last time I was in Mayapur it was so easy...my Guru Maharaja was here and so I would just attend all his programs. But this time around my Guru Maharaja is unfortunately not here but all my siksa gurus and favorite devotees are and it's just so hard to choose which programs to attend when they are all going on at the same time.

Yesterday was a perfect example. At 6:30pm HH Jayaptaka Swami was giving a question and answer class in a pandal by the Conch building. At the same time the Bhakti-sastri graduation ceremony was about to start with a drama that the ladies were going to perform and if that wasn't enough, to add to the sweet confusion, HH Sivarama Swami was leading bhajans under the stars on the top floor of Vaisnava Academy! What to do??? So many places to go and only one useless body to try to absorb all the nectar!

Well this is what I did...I stayed for a few minutes of HH JPS class and then went to see the drama the girls put on at the Bhakti-sastri graduation ceremony which was fantastic! After that I speed walked to Vaisnava Academy and just rode the magic carpet of HH Sivarama Swami's bhakti-soaked bhajans....it was just incredible. Imagine being on the rooftop, starring at the star-kissed night sky and being surrounded by the holy name. It was awesome...definitely one of my highlights thus far in this year's Gaura Purnima festival.

As I walked back to my room, the holy name was still ringing in my ears. What a wonderful state of being to be in before calling it a night.

But now I'm stuck with almost the same situation! In a few hours HH Jayapataka Swami will be giving class once again at 6:00pm and then at 7:00pm HG Aindra Prabhu is going to be leading kirtans in the temple room and HH Sivarama Swami (and possibly Madhava prabhu and HH BBGS) will be leading moonlight bhajans at Vaisnava Academy! It's just not fair that we have to choose! :D Oh well...let's see what happens....I think I'll most likely go to class and then head over to Vaisnava Academy for an hour and then join in the kirtans at the temple...but it's just never enough!

What can I say....this year's Gaura Purnima festivities look like they are going to be beyond memorable. Thank you Srila Prabhupada, for making this all possible and allowing us to swim in the tears of your love for Krsna.

The Return of the General

2009-02-20T21:11:00.000-08:00

March 20, 2009: The anticipation mounts....it's past 5:30pm and the harinama is reaching a crescendo. Joy and love paint each devotees' face. Suddenly a conch is blown and the sound of haribols fill the the air. A car has come to the main gate of the Mayapur compound and rose petals fall from the sky as devotees eagerly try to catch a glimpse....HH Jayaptaka Swami has returned to Sri Mayapur Dham.

My Medley of Friends

2009-02-19T04:22:00.000-08:00

Medley (definition according to dictionary.com):
1. a mixture, esp. of heterogeneous elements; hodgepodge; jumble.
2. a piece of music combining tunes or passages from various sources

Krsna has been so merciful to grant me the association of so many wonderful devotees here in Mayapur dham. But as it is with life, somehow certain individuals just gravitate and get along well with each other. Those devotees who have become especially near and dear to my heart are three of my classmates: Apurva Nilacala dd, Amrta Sakhi dd and Malini Priya dd.

The interesting thing is that we are such different and unique individuals and the combination of the four of us is truly a medley. Not only could you say that we comprise a mixture of sorts, due to coming from different backgrounds and experiences, but just as a musical medley combines different tunes that accent and supplement each other, in many ways so do we! :D

Apurva Nilacala is probably one of the sweetest devotees you'll ever meet. Hailing from England, she is not only a beautiful person but has a beautiful heart. She is so caring, genuine and has so much love for Lord Jagannath. Although she is fondly referred to as the "small one" in our group because of her height, she is a vast reservoir of good qualities and kind-heartedness.

Amrta Sakhi is from Bangalore, India and is the person you need to be around if you need help developing a service attitude. Whether it be day or night, tired or well-rested, Amrta is always serving the devotees. She always thinks of everybody elses' welfare first. Amrta also is a such a shining example of a dedicated disciple who will do anything for her guru, HH Jayapataka Swami. She is smart, sincere and extremely quick and always keeps me on my toes!

Malini Priya is another Brit and a sassy one at that. Of the three, Malini and I are probably the most similar in terms of character. Upon getting to know Malini, I realize how much realization and how much sincerity she actually has in her Krsna consciousness. Innately very astute and very subtle, she has so much insight into human psychology. One of the things I love most about Malini is that she is not afraid to be herself and one can't help but admire her bold and confident nature.

This is the group of devotees I am allowed to be around everyday! Such great mercy. Even though we may have to go our separate ways in the coming weeks, I know that we will always keep in touch and find some way to do some service together.

This is the greatest mercy Mahaprabhu and Srila Prabhupada have given us-the wonderful association of devotees. vaisnavi sanga ki JAI!

Bridging the Gap....

2009-02-17T20:03:00.000-08:00

This morning HG Pragosh prabhu gave such a wonderful Bhagavatam class. I really like Prabhuji's style in giving classes as he blends his unique brand of humor with very solid philosophical points.

Today at one point in time Prabhu asked a question to the class. "Who here believes that Krsna is God?" Everyone in the class raised their hand. Prabhuji went on to explain that Srila Prabhupada said that if one has firm belief in that fact then they can render pure unalloyed devotional service. This brought him to the second question he posed to the class. "Who here engages in pure unalloyed devotional service 24/7?" Nobody raised their hand.

Prabhu went on to explain that as devotees we have to bridge this gap between "believing Krsna is god" and actually "BELIEVING that Krsna is god." We can understand that gap is being bridged when we can start to render more and more service as "ahaituki apratihata." But practically, how can we do this?

The best way is to hear real life stories as to how Krsna's mercy is so present and abundant now, here, in 2009. Prabhuji ended the class by telling an incredible story about book distribution and how Krsna can do anything. It made me realize the importance of sharing the nectar we hear and directly receive from the Lord. We can all be instruments of the Lord in a very easy way-just pass on the nectar. Who knows, you might be the next instrument Krsna uses in helping to bridge that gap for someone!

Krsna please grant me the serenity...

2009-02-17T01:32:00.000-08:00

It's really amazing that even in a place like Sri Mayapur dham that someone (i.e. me) sometimes feels like there is something missing. It really goes to show how the mind is so fickle and restless. I'm surrounded by the most wonderful devotees, the most beautiful Panca Tattva, getting opportunities to serve the devotees and the deities and still my mind can sometimes find excuses to feel unsatisfied. How unfortunate am I?

But I'm a big believer in looking at the positive and the positive in this case is that at least I recognize that I am an ungrateful rascal! :D That's at least a step in the right direction. That helps me to realize that I am in dire need of mercy. Recognizing one's utter disqualification, helplessness and dependence on Krsna is the vessel that is required to collect the mercy when it comes.

Also it goes to show how as devotees we need to realize that we are CONSTANTLY at war with maya. Maya is not just an object or situation, it is more often a frame of mind. I'm realizing my greatest maya is to not recognize and value the situations and lessons I'm learning now. Instead my mind is hankering and comparing and lamenting....a sure sign that I am not chanting with the attention and focus that I should have.

So that being said, I think I'm going to go take a walk in the beautiful cintamani laden land of Sri Mayapur dham and chant, chant, chant...

Humility in Action

2009-02-15T20:18:00.000-08:00

Two of my biggest role models here in Sri Mayapur dham are HG Pankajanghri prabhu and HG Jananivas Prabhu. I'd like to talk about HG Jananivas prabhu today. I've been meaning to write about this for a long time now because there is something that I witness Prabhuji do every morning that really touches my heart. As you may or may not know, HG Jananivas Prabhu is the head pujari for Mayapur Chandradoya Mandir. He has been doing this service steadily for over 30 years. That being said, Prabhuji is probably one of the most humble people I have ever had the good fortune of meeting in my life. See, being humble implies action. It's not static state of being. But oftentimes, at least for me, to understand how one can show humility in action is very difficult. I feel so grateful that there are devotees like HG Jananivas Prabhu who demonstrate so naturally through their actions what it means to be humble.

Every morning after darshan aarti guru puja is performed. Everyday, the guru puja is performed by a senior devotee to the accompaniment of a very ecstatic kirtan. And everyday, I see Jananivas prabhu acting as a helper to the devotee who is doing the guru puja. Prabhuji will pour the acamana water into the hand of the devotee offering the worship (this is done between offering each article of worship), he will hand all the articles of worship to the devotee and after each article is offered, he will receive it. He does this with such attention and love and one can see he truly enjoys this service.

I find this so instructive. As the head pujari, HG Jananivas prabhu could easily be offering guru puja, offering aarti to Radha Madhava or Panca Tattva, but instead he actually likes taking the position of a humble servant.

I beg and pray that this impression remains forever carved in my heart and that I may also follow in his glorious footsteps of showing humility in all my actions.

Blissful Anxiety

2009-02-15T19:51:00.000-08:00

This is something that I have a lot of experience with. As someone who is fortunate to make garlands every morning, I get to experience blissful anxiety almost everyday.

However, it's certainly a different kind of blissful anxiety when you only have 1 1/2 hours to dress Radha and Krsna! Whew! It's like a marathon. It is only by the blessings of the devotees, in particular HG Pankajanghri prabhu, that I somehow managed to finish in time! I took the advice of my dear godsister, and experienced pujari, HG Krtamala prabhu who told me "Don't panic and keep your eye on the time." So, I decided to allot time to do different things: 20 minutes to dress Krsna, 20 minutes to dress Radharani, 20 minutes to add all the flower ornaments and pin up the fabric and garlands, 30 minutes to make Krsna's garland and then 20 minutes to wrap things up, fix whatever had to be fixed and clean up.

Here's the result:

Exam Tomorrow!

2009-02-13T05:40:00.000-08:00

There's anticipation in the air! Tomorrow is my dressing exam for dressing Radha and Krsna. There are four Radha and Krsna deities that the students get to practice on and have been doing for the past couple of weeks. Every student has 1 1/2 hours to dress Radha and Krsna and so there were eight devotees (four in the morning and four in the afternoon) who completed their assessments. Everyone did really well. Tomorrow morning is me! Eep! Please give me your blessings that I maybe able to dress them nicely!

Nityananda's Appearance Day

2009-02-10T01:17:00.000-08:00

Last Saturday was the most glorious appearance day of Lord Nityananda. Lord Nityananda is the personification of mercy and as such his appearance day rained mercy upon one and all! That rain visibly appeared during the abhishek when various substances were poured upon Nitai. Buckets upon buckets of various ingredients were poured upon Nitai as he smilingly accepted everything. From yogurt to colored water, coconut water to freshly squeezed grape juice, Nitai looked resplendent no matter what was covering him.

Beautiful Radha Damodara

2009-02-09T20:16:00.000-08:00

Radha Damodara got a new outfit for Lord Nityananda's appearance day! Here are their lordships in the beautiful home they arranged for themselves here in Mayapur.

Complaints and Requests...

2009-02-05T20:13:00.000-08:00

It's said that if you want to truly understand someone that you should "walk a mile in their shoes." This is especially helpful if you want to improve relationships. So, I decided to apply this saying to figure out how I could improve my relationship with Krsna.

The first thing I noticed is that I am either doing one of two things: I either spend most of my time complaining or lamenting to Krsna about things I don't have or things that happened in the past, or else I spend my time informing him about my "desire list." Then something powerful really struck me. Would I always want to be around someone who was constantly complaining or requesting things from me? The answer is a RESOUNDING NO! That person would be such a drag and then I realized, "Oh oh! That person that I wouldn't want to be around is the exact person that Krsna has to deal with constantly (me)!" :( Poor Krsna!

This ties back into a point that I had briefly mentioned yesterday about living either in the past or in the future. When I analyze my tendencies, I notice that I tend to lament about the past and hanker about the future. This type of meditation results in me forgetting about the present and actually results in a very dis-empowering pattern. See the thing is, I have no power to change the past and although I can plan and desire for things in the future, the future is still yet to come. Instead if I can find a way to focus on the present, that is the place where I can be the most empowered. Actually BEING in the present allows me to see what is in front of me and thus work with those circumstances instead of dreaming of what is "the most ideal."

Unfortunately this is the conditioned state of the soul. The living entity is constantly flickering between lamentation and desiring and because of that is never satisfied. In fact, when it comes to material desires, those very things we desire later on become the objects of our lamentation and then what do we do? Why desire to get rid of those very things that we wanted in the first place! It's such a vicious cycle!

But how can one live in the present? By developing gratitude, consciously developing a positive attitude and learning to change what are oftentimes a very narrow minded perspective. If we become thankful for whatever circumstances and situations we are placed in, that allows us to look for the good. There are positives in any situation, they just might be really well hidden! By unearthing those positives, this sheds new light and helps us to change our perspective. Instead we can see how we can use the situation to turn to Krsna more and also practically come up with ways to use the situation to our advantage.

So, despite all the complaints and requests, I need to start adding a lot more thanks when I pray to Krsna. No time like the present to begin. I'd like to end by saying, "Thank you Krsna for giving me the realization that you are always arranging whatever is best for me."

Moments Etched Into my Soul...

2009-02-04T21:54:00.000-08:00

Ever have those moments which you know you'll never forget for the rest of your life? These moments are very rare (at least for me!) and I cherish them greatly. I had such a moment a few days back on the most auspicious appearance day of Advaita Acarya.

I was just hearing a class recently where the speaker was saying that these moments that become "etched into our soul" occur when we are focusing on the present. The nature of the conditioned living entity is that we are always dwelling on what may come or lamenting about the past. Due to that limitation, we are not consciously aware of what's going on "right now" and as a result are blind to the amazing realizations and gifts Krsna is presenting us with. At least for myself, I find this SOOOO difficult! It's so much easier to desire and lament then to just be in the present! But sometimes Krsna just makes himself so visible and attractive that even someone like myself can't help but be in the present.

Of course this precious moment had to be one of the few times that I didn't have my camera with me, but I'll try my best to paint a picture of it nonetheless. After the abhishek, kirtan and mass chaos of maha prasadam distribution, the temple room was almost empty. It was close to 1:30pm and I had to quickly run an errand. When I came back to the temple room, I saw my friends Amrta and Malini and they said, "Come here quick, you HAVE to see this."

What I just HAD to see was one of the most incredible darshans I've witnessed in my entire life. There was barely 20 people in the temple room and on the Panca Tattva altar, all their Lordships had their dhotis hiked up to their waist, revealing their beautiful legs and lotus feet. See, the most amazing thing about this darshan was that on this particular day, Panca Tattva were dressed in beautiful white silk and their dhotis were so long that they covered their lotus feet! So this was the most incredible mercy to get such a clear and unobstructed view of their beautiful feet. As we all continued to watch, a team of pujaris hosed down the altar to clean the remnants from the abhishek. For over 30 minutes we all just stood there drinking in the beauty of Panca Tattva and trying to absorb as much mercy as possible.

Moments like this are rare and precious. They serve to create such a wonderful impression in our hearts because at times like this Krsna feels so tangible and present. We should hungrily and greedily nourish ourselves and pray to Krsna to give us as many of these moments as possible, as it helps us to realize more and more that Krsna IS A PERSON. Often times we worship the deities as IF they are God but the transition has to be made to actually realizing that the deity IS God.

Although I didn't have the opportunity to capture this rare darshan digitally, I'd like to leave you with some beautiful pictures that were taken of Advaita Acarya's abhishek and maha prasadam distribution taken by another devotee. Hoping you all have moments that become etched into your soul....Advaita Acarya's appearance day Ki JAI!

Small but Special

2009-02-03T19:21:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I had a really nice realization during SB class. This was the verse:

After showing his wife the globe of the universe and its different arrangements, full of many wonders, the great yogī Kardama Muni returned to his own hermitage.
(SB. 3.23.43)

The Bhagavatam speaker elaborated on how it is so foolish for us to think that we are the only living entities present on this planet earth as this verse and purport indicate that there are so many wonders within the universe which contains so many planets. In fact, Srimad Bhagavatam depicts how there are innumerable universes and how each of these universes are emanating from the pores of Maha-Visnu.

As I was hearing this I was struck by how insignificant I actually am! I am just one tiny jiva within one universe out of the innumerable universes within this creation! Of course, as devotees, we are constantly reminded about this fact and how by actually feeling insignificant, we can develop the qualities of pridelessness and humility. But you know how sometimes you may hear things a million times, but sometimes it still doesn't actually register? You need to get that "AHHH!" moment. Well, for me that was yesterday. I actually got this visual image of millions upon billions of universes and actually realizing that all those universes contain billions upon trillions of living entities! WOAH!

As I was contemplating this, another really significant realization came to. Even though I am so insignificant, Krsna is so great and so personal that he has a special plan just for me. Not only for me but for each and every living entity on this planet, in this universe and in all the universes in creation. How lucky are we?

This is such a nice way to develop humility. Sometimes people get confused and just focus on the "I'm so insignificant and worthless" part and think that to be humility, but actually that can lead to low self-esteem. The true self is actually sat-cid-ananda, full of eternality, happiness and bliss. Those feelings of self-deprecation are only in relationship to the body (not the true self) and can actually hinder one in their progress on the path of devotional service.

Instead by focusing on Krsna's magnanimity and care for each and every one of us, we can develop humility in a more positive light. Yes, we are small and insignificant but we are also special. We are special because Krsna cares so much for us. This helps puts things into perspective. We are special because we are connected to the supreme who is most special. When pride rears its ugly head, we need to realize that we are focusing on our small selves, which by itself, cannot do anything.

So we should embrace our position. It's the best position to be in. We're small but special because Krsna loves us so much.

Pictures From the Raj Bhoga Exam

2009-02-03T04:11:00.000-08:00

Here are some pictures from our Raj Bhoga exam of devotees cooking, our esteemed judges HG Jananivas and Pankajanghri prabhus, of devotees showing them their offerings and then serving prasadam to the guests. Between all the vaisnavis who cooked, we prepared over 83 offerings! The feast was then served to over 50 invited guests and the cooks had the honor of serving each of them personally.

Raj Bhoga Exam

2009-02-01T20:29:00.000-08:00

For the past two weeks we've been learning cooking at Mayapur Academy. It's been such a wonderful experience especially because we got to learn from so many wonderful cooks. We learned to make kachoris, all kinds of sabjis, dahls, different rice dishes, koftas, and one of the highlights was getting Radha Madhava's personal "sweet cook" come in and show us how to make sandesh, rasmali, rasagullas and rasa kadambas! That was definitely a very sweet day and a very sweet lunch! :D

So, the culmination of these two weeks was that students had to cook a raj bhoga offering. A typical raj bhoga offering consists of 3 sabjis, rice, dahl, chapatis/paratas, raita/chutney, and a drink. Of course it is nice to have a savory and sweet but it wasn't required for us. Working in groups of two, students had an allotted 3 hours to complete this meal and were encouraged to make extra preps if they so desired. Of course, we were also encouraged to come in earlier to prep if we wanted to.

My dear partner, Yasomati, was feeling a bit under the weather and so a few days before, I was told that I could do it on my own if I wanted to. Never shy to back away from a challenge, I thought, "Hey, why not?!"

So yesterday, by Radharani's mercy, I was able to make 12 items: a cauliflower and potato sabji, a deep fried panir, eggplant and potato sabji, a steamed broccoli sabji, fried bitter melon, lemon rice, spiced yogurt rice, plain rice, mung dahl, paratas, cucumber raita, lemonade and a ladhu made out of nuts, orange rind and icing sugar.

All the dishes turned out pretty well, but in true Vrndavana Vinodini fashion, I under-salted the dahl and cauliflower/potato sabji. LOL...but like they say, better to under-salt than over salt. And...unfortunately we ALL didn't realize, but the yogurt that was brought turned out to be misthi dhai (sweetened yogurt), so my yogurt rice turned into a bit of a sweet rice and the raita was also a bit sweet! Actually everyone's raita or "salt lassi" ended up being sweet! Oh well...what to do... :D

The highlight was that we all got to serve our dishes to HG Pankajanghri and Jananivas prabhus and that was so sweet. They were so encouraging and giving us such personal feedback.

All glories to cooking! Prasadam ki JAI!

Compassion

2009-02-01T20:07:00.000-08:00

As I'm sitting at the computer a million thoughts are going through my head...this is what happens when you don't get a chance to write for a couple of days! Too many ideas. So...I guess I'll just write two posts today. :D

Lately I've been thinking a lot about compassion. As aspiring spiritual seekers we all strive to have compassion for one another. This is exemplified by Srila Prabhupada. Srila Prabhupada had so much compassion for all of us. But how can I, as a beginner on this path of bhakti yoga, develop even 1/1000000000 of that compassion?

One of the easiest ways is to do something that HH Sacinandana Swami often emphasizes and suggests that we practice. Every morning when you get up, thank Krsna for 5 different things. See the funny thing about gratitude is that it is something one has to practice for it to remain foremost in one's consciousness. Yes, we all feel gratitude for things but if you analyze it carefully, it normally doesn't last long. But if one actually practices feeling gratitude, by thanking Krsna everyday consciously for various things he is providing us with, then one starts to feel grateful for: 1. a much longer period of time and 2. one also starts to feel gratitude for small things.

So what does this have to do with compassion? It is only when we see and experience how fortunate we actually are and how Krsna is so nicely arranging things for us, that we begin to value these gifts. Then compassion can start to develop. For example, if you are blessed to have good friends and actually recognize and appreciate that, then it's easier to feel compassion for someone new joining your school/work/temple. On the highest level, when we value Krsna consciousness as the greatest treasure in our lives, then we naturally will feel compassion to those who may be suffering because they haven't been awakened to it.

I pray that I can keep my eyes open to the numerous gifts Krsna is providing me with and be his instrument to share it with others.

Needles and sequins and pins....

2009-01-29T03:18:00.000-08:00

As I had mentioned earlier, 2 weeks ago we had finished making outfits for Gauranga/Nitai....here's all of us hard at work!

This is the outfit I was able to make with help from the devotees who sew for Radha Madhava

Cooking at the Gurukul

2009-01-28T04:09:00.000-08:00

Cooking classes are continuing here for the girls at Mayapur Academy and we had the great pleasure of learning and witnessing how to cook over cow dung fires at the Gurukul! It was such an amazing experience and the feast was just sumptuous.

It makes me realize how fortunate we are to have been given this gift of Vedic culture. The sad thing is sometimes we forget how practical it actually is and instead we feel that, "That was something people could do in other ages, not in Kali yuga." Seeing how the boys at the Gurukul are cooking and living so simply like this is such an eye opener.

It really is our choice. We can choose to live simply and be happy, or else we can choose to live with distractions. It should be noted that living simply doesn't mean one has to live in the forest, one can be very materially situated and still choose to live simply.

This is something I have direct experience of as in the span of not even three days, Krsna is presenting me with experiences of two extremes of living simply in two vastly different situations and being happy in Krsna consciousness. The Pune Yatra takes place due to the efforts of so many devotees. One of these devotees is HG Krsna Chandra Prabhu & family, at whose bungalow the Yatra takes place. HG Krsna Chandra prabhu and his family give everything that that they have for Krsna. Krsna has given them so much materially and the amazing thing is that they give it ALL in the service of Krsna and the vaisnavas. Because of that complete surrender to Guru and Krsna, they are blissfully advancing in Krsna consciousness.

That being said, now I got the wonderful opportunity to see how by living so simply one can be so happy. Ultimately we have to choose the situation that best helps us advance in our spiritual life. For most of us, it will probably be somewhere in the middle of these two extremes I've mentioned here, but the most important thing is to remember Krsna. May we always remember Krsna and never forget him!