Do you like giving advice? Do you get a rush of adrenaline and importance? Perhaps it makes you feel useful and valued. Or perhaps it allows you to step out of your own shoes and into someone else's for a few seconds or minutes. Whatever the reason may be, and I'm sure there are millions, the majority of people like to give advice. Few like to receive it. :) It's even been said that if you want to win someone over, all you need to do is ask for advice.
In a world where everyone thinks they have the answers it's actually the ultimate coup for someone to ask for advice for it signifies that the advisor knows more than the askee.
Of course most people know that's it's definitely easier to dish it out than to take it. We've all been there. It's always seems so easy to fix someone else's problems than our own. But what we don't realize is that as aspiring bhakti yogis that there is more to this scenario than meets the eye.
Especially as bhakti yogis, we often are placed in the position of advisors. Since the devotees are kind, compassionate and wish they best for all, others will naturally gravitate towards them. But beware, it's also a test.
Recently I was listening to a lecture by HH Radhanath Swami where he said that has seen numerous examples of this scenario where bhakti yogis have given advice. But here's the catch. Anytime they have given any kind of advice, Krsna has put those persons in a similar, if not exact same situation. Why? Because Krsna is not looking to see if we can just dish out good advice. He wants to make sure that we can walk our talk. If we gave some bhakti-centric advice, Krsna wants to make sure that we also recognize and actively implement that same advice when it applies in our own life.
The devotee is meant to be a role model. What good is a role model that just talks very nicely and never does anything themselves? In fact, real potency or ability to affect others, comes when someone practices what they speak.
So be ready! If you act in a role of an advisor, or confidante or friend or mentor keep your eyes open. Whatever wonderful advice you dispense to others, make sure that you pay attention yourself. The time when you may need to use it yourself maybe coming up sooner than you think.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Searching for the Lesson
I am searching. Like a lost wanderer searches through the dark, thick jungle for the path back to civilization, I search to find the key to be grateful.
As I search, I realize that I forget about all the blessings that have been bestowed upon me. They represent essential tools like a map, compass and water that assure me of my safe return back to my path. But due to that forgetfulness my meditation focuses on the disturbances. These disturbances are like pebbles, rocks and thick vines that trip me up in my quest and personify forms of annoyance, anger and self-pity.
But how can I brush past these disturbances and focus on the quest? How can I go deeper? The mercy comes in different forms. Even a lost wanderer receives help if they sincerely seek it. My help came in the form of sound vibration.
For the past few weeks I've been listening to one lecture over and over again. I don't listen to any other lecture except for this one and I highly recommend it. It's given by HH Radhanatha Swami and is entitled: "Accept Reversals Gratefully Without Getting Disturbed."
As Maharaja so beautifully elaborates, "One of our diseases that we come into spiritual life with is that we expect things to go our way. More or less we all expect like this. But the problem is if Krsna gave you what you wanted, you probably wouldn’t grow much at all because bhakti is not about getting, bhakti is about seeking shelter."
And THAT is the lesson I search for. That is my path. The lesson that Krsna is giving me what I need so that I can grow. Most of us in our spiritual journeys are lucky to have well-wishers who will chastise us when we most need it. They will tell us things "as it is" whether we like to hear it or not. In fact, there's a name for them: guru. :) Whether siksa or diska, that is what a guru does; they cut away at the illusion that blinds us. Oftentimes that cutting can be painful but if we have faith that they have our best interest at heart, it only increases our love for them.
Similarly this is what Krsna is trying to do. He is trying to elevate us. Instead of just letting me wander back to the path, he wants to bring me home. He is not willing to let me settle for fleeting happiness and instead wants me to experience lasting eternal bliss.
But in order to access that route which Krsna has planned out for me, that path which may be different from the one I have in mind, I need to look inside and access the gratitude that is lying dormant. It will allow me to see him in ever situation and turn to him in my time of need. It will cement the already existing bond that is already there of servant and master.
All I need to do is allow myself to feel the shelter that is already there.
As I search, I realize that I forget about all the blessings that have been bestowed upon me. They represent essential tools like a map, compass and water that assure me of my safe return back to my path. But due to that forgetfulness my meditation focuses on the disturbances. These disturbances are like pebbles, rocks and thick vines that trip me up in my quest and personify forms of annoyance, anger and self-pity.
But how can I brush past these disturbances and focus on the quest? How can I go deeper? The mercy comes in different forms. Even a lost wanderer receives help if they sincerely seek it. My help came in the form of sound vibration.
For the past few weeks I've been listening to one lecture over and over again. I don't listen to any other lecture except for this one and I highly recommend it. It's given by HH Radhanatha Swami and is entitled: "Accept Reversals Gratefully Without Getting Disturbed."
As Maharaja so beautifully elaborates, "One of our diseases that we come into spiritual life with is that we expect things to go our way. More or less we all expect like this. But the problem is if Krsna gave you what you wanted, you probably wouldn’t grow much at all because bhakti is not about getting, bhakti is about seeking shelter."
And THAT is the lesson I search for. That is my path. The lesson that Krsna is giving me what I need so that I can grow. Most of us in our spiritual journeys are lucky to have well-wishers who will chastise us when we most need it. They will tell us things "as it is" whether we like to hear it or not. In fact, there's a name for them: guru. :) Whether siksa or diska, that is what a guru does; they cut away at the illusion that blinds us. Oftentimes that cutting can be painful but if we have faith that they have our best interest at heart, it only increases our love for them.
Similarly this is what Krsna is trying to do. He is trying to elevate us. Instead of just letting me wander back to the path, he wants to bring me home. He is not willing to let me settle for fleeting happiness and instead wants me to experience lasting eternal bliss.
But in order to access that route which Krsna has planned out for me, that path which may be different from the one I have in mind, I need to look inside and access the gratitude that is lying dormant. It will allow me to see him in ever situation and turn to him in my time of need. It will cement the already existing bond that is already there of servant and master.
All I need to do is allow myself to feel the shelter that is already there.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
The Moments We Let Go Of
For awhile now I've been reflecting a lot on gratitude. What does it actually mean? How can we live a life of gratitude?
I had a small glimpse of how I could start to begin to lead a life of gratitude yesterday. Monday is the day that somehow, due to the mercy of Sri Sri Radha Manohara and their devotees, I am getting the great privilege of dressing Them. I gone to Ottawa to visit my parents for the weekend and arrived back late on Sunday just in time to catch the 8pm aarti and grab some of the delicious Sunday feast.
Knowing that I had to get up for mangala aarti the next morning, I set the alarm for 3:30am. It was with a combined sense of grogginess and enthusiasm that I woke up. After getting ready, I headed for the temple and straight to the pujari room to start preparing the clothes and jewelry. To my surprise I saw that they had already been prepared. Instantaneously I knew; the head pujari, having not seen me the night before and being so dedicated and loving, might have thought that I would not come to dress on Monday morning.
After mangala aarti I quickly caught up with her and was overwhelmed by her humility and sweetness. She flashed me a quick grin and said, "You're here. Great. No problem then, go right on ahead. In fact, it will be easier since everything is laid out for you." My heart just melted. Here is a devotee who has dedicated no less than 20 years of steady service of dressing their Lordships. She didn't have to get up early but due to her dedication she had just to make sure Their Lordships would be taken care of. Instantly I had to counter with, "No, please. You got up. If it's ok, I'll dress tomorrow. You please go ahead." After a sweet exchange, she went to dress them and I contentedly went to chant my gayatri and japa.
Upon finishing my gayatri one of the temple presidents came up to me and inquired, "Aren't you supposed to be dressing today?" I was actually overwhelmed at his thoughtfulness. I quickly explained the situation and told him I would be dressing the next day instead. Smiling, he went back to his japa.
Ordinarily, these are just some matter of fact exchanges that could happen to anyone. But I realized something- they aren't ordinary. In fact, these are the moments that we let go of and by letting them go, we also let go of our gratitude for those who care, spiritually nourish and support us. Every moment is an opportunity for us to realize this and although it takes an active effort, the more we recognize them, the more we feel sheltered and protected by Krsna.
Krsna always gives help. We just don't recognize it, but as the saying goes, "Where attention goes, energy flows." One thing I know. It is only by Krsna's energy, through his infinite mercy, that he allowed me to get a small glimpse of how sweet gratitude feels.
I had a small glimpse of how I could start to begin to lead a life of gratitude yesterday. Monday is the day that somehow, due to the mercy of Sri Sri Radha Manohara and their devotees, I am getting the great privilege of dressing Them. I gone to Ottawa to visit my parents for the weekend and arrived back late on Sunday just in time to catch the 8pm aarti and grab some of the delicious Sunday feast.
Knowing that I had to get up for mangala aarti the next morning, I set the alarm for 3:30am. It was with a combined sense of grogginess and enthusiasm that I woke up. After getting ready, I headed for the temple and straight to the pujari room to start preparing the clothes and jewelry. To my surprise I saw that they had already been prepared. Instantaneously I knew; the head pujari, having not seen me the night before and being so dedicated and loving, might have thought that I would not come to dress on Monday morning.
After mangala aarti I quickly caught up with her and was overwhelmed by her humility and sweetness. She flashed me a quick grin and said, "You're here. Great. No problem then, go right on ahead. In fact, it will be easier since everything is laid out for you." My heart just melted. Here is a devotee who has dedicated no less than 20 years of steady service of dressing their Lordships. She didn't have to get up early but due to her dedication she had just to make sure Their Lordships would be taken care of. Instantly I had to counter with, "No, please. You got up. If it's ok, I'll dress tomorrow. You please go ahead." After a sweet exchange, she went to dress them and I contentedly went to chant my gayatri and japa.
Upon finishing my gayatri one of the temple presidents came up to me and inquired, "Aren't you supposed to be dressing today?" I was actually overwhelmed at his thoughtfulness. I quickly explained the situation and told him I would be dressing the next day instead. Smiling, he went back to his japa.
Ordinarily, these are just some matter of fact exchanges that could happen to anyone. But I realized something- they aren't ordinary. In fact, these are the moments that we let go of and by letting them go, we also let go of our gratitude for those who care, spiritually nourish and support us. Every moment is an opportunity for us to realize this and although it takes an active effort, the more we recognize them, the more we feel sheltered and protected by Krsna.
Krsna always gives help. We just don't recognize it, but as the saying goes, "Where attention goes, energy flows." One thing I know. It is only by Krsna's energy, through his infinite mercy, that he allowed me to get a small glimpse of how sweet gratitude feels.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Sweet Reunion
Whew! It's been a long time since I've had a spare moment to write. :( Although so many things have been happening, so many things to be grateful for, most of my reflections have not had the chance to make it to written word. That being said, despite all the things I could share, today I choose to write about a very precious gift Lord Nitayanada gave to me. He is just so magnanimous. Even though it is HIS appearance day, he gave me the greatest gift of all.
Yesterday evening, I accompanied my friend Tanya to a costume shop where she was picking up a costume for the drama she's going to be in tonight. :) Meeting up at her work place, she was still finishing off and so I took the opportunity to chant a few rounds. Upon her arrival, we head to the metro to go to the shop. Chatting and sharing realizations, we arrived at the shop and what a shop it is! It's a mish mash of anything and everything you could possibly think of in terms of clothes, shoes, jewelry, jeans, hats, costumes etc... You name it and most likely it's there.
As we went up the stairs to check out some wigs for an upcoming play, we started discussing what kind of wig would be best for the part. As we started to go through all of them, unfortunately nothing seemed suitable. Heading back down the stairs she rented her costume. Filling out the paper work and other odds and ends, I lounged on a chair and for a fleeting moment thought, "Maybe I should take this opportunity to chant." Thinking that it might be better to chant later, I instead took in the surroundings. Upon finishing everything up, we once again got onto the metro in the direction of the temple. Upon arrival, I took the opportunity to catch up on e-mails.
Having finished my e-mails, I thought, "It's still relatively early, I should finish my last few rounds." Looking into my schoolbag I stuck my hand in expecting to find my bead bag. NOTHING. Stunned, I slowly started turning everything inside out. "Ok, be calm," I coached myself. Turning to my laptop bag, I desperately prayed. NOTHING.
Surprisingly enough I didn't freak out, which normally would be my reaction. Borrowing some beads from a friend, I finished my rounds and all the while prayed and prayed and prayed. It was then I realized something. Everything that facilitated my chanting of the Hare Krishna mantra was in that bead bag and I was desperately lost without it.
In the asrama, my eyes happened to fall upon a calendar with Prabhupada quotes. Reading the quote for January 27, I was stunned:
"Some, something has dropped in the water, in the river, you cannot see the things dropped within the water by agitating the water. Just stand still for sometimes. As soon as the water is settled up, you'll see the things as they are. So as soon as our enthusiasm is agitated, it is better to sit down in any temple suitable and chant Hare Krsna. There is no question of being disappointed. After all, we commit so many mistakes. That is human nature. To err is human. That is not fault. But try to rectify with cool head. That is required." NOD Lectures, Calcutta, January 27, 1973
WOW! I felt an instant sensation of reciprocation. Krsna was reassuring me, calm was the way to go. Keep a cool head. It is only possible to rectify with a cool head.
That night before going to sleep I meditated about my lost bead bag. I could see and even feel everything so clearly Inside were my most cherished beads that had been chanted on by my beloved spiritual master. Those beads had also been dipped in the Ganga, Yamuna, Radha Kunda, Shyama Kunda, Vrnda Kunda and countless other holy places. In fact, tied around the eight bead was a small piece of thread from the brahmana thread Adwaita Acarya wore which I had received last year in Mayapur during Adwaita Acarya's appearance day. Along with these precious gems, my bead bag contains a nose ring from Srimati Radharani from Mayapur and a Ganja mala necklace that Chota Madhava wore. The bead bag itself was from Mayapur.
I mentally offered respects to my bead bag and told myself I would retrace my steps the following day.
This morning I woke up still meditating on my lost bead bag. During deity greetings I prayed to Lord Nityananda to please help ensure the safe return of my bead bag for it is a representation of his great mercy. The mercy of guru and the holy name.
As I made my way back to the shop, I kept visualizing my bead bag. As I pushed open the doors, I explained my predicament to the shop owners and made my way up the stairs. As I walked through the maze of clothing and nooks and crannys, I came to the dark corner where the boxes of wigs were kept. There, lying solitary in the darkness was my bead bag! I can't even begin to explain how happy I was to see it. I was reunited!
This event served to remind me of something very important. We never appreciate the most important things until we get a glimpse of how it would be if we didn't have them. The lesson is to cherish and be aware of everything. In fact Krsna had given me a hint. The thought to chant in the shop had come to my mind. If I had actually entertained it as opposed to just shoving it off to the side, I would have realized that I was missing my beads then and there. Krsna is always trying to help, the problem is we just don't listen.
It also made me realize that I am genuinely attached to my beads. For once, I can be proud of an attachment!
Wishing everyone a most ecstatic Nityananda Trayodasi! Nityananda Rama ki JAI!
Yesterday evening, I accompanied my friend Tanya to a costume shop where she was picking up a costume for the drama she's going to be in tonight. :) Meeting up at her work place, she was still finishing off and so I took the opportunity to chant a few rounds. Upon her arrival, we head to the metro to go to the shop. Chatting and sharing realizations, we arrived at the shop and what a shop it is! It's a mish mash of anything and everything you could possibly think of in terms of clothes, shoes, jewelry, jeans, hats, costumes etc... You name it and most likely it's there.
As we went up the stairs to check out some wigs for an upcoming play, we started discussing what kind of wig would be best for the part. As we started to go through all of them, unfortunately nothing seemed suitable. Heading back down the stairs she rented her costume. Filling out the paper work and other odds and ends, I lounged on a chair and for a fleeting moment thought, "Maybe I should take this opportunity to chant." Thinking that it might be better to chant later, I instead took in the surroundings. Upon finishing everything up, we once again got onto the metro in the direction of the temple. Upon arrival, I took the opportunity to catch up on e-mails.
Having finished my e-mails, I thought, "It's still relatively early, I should finish my last few rounds." Looking into my schoolbag I stuck my hand in expecting to find my bead bag. NOTHING. Stunned, I slowly started turning everything inside out. "Ok, be calm," I coached myself. Turning to my laptop bag, I desperately prayed. NOTHING.
Surprisingly enough I didn't freak out, which normally would be my reaction. Borrowing some beads from a friend, I finished my rounds and all the while prayed and prayed and prayed. It was then I realized something. Everything that facilitated my chanting of the Hare Krishna mantra was in that bead bag and I was desperately lost without it.
In the asrama, my eyes happened to fall upon a calendar with Prabhupada quotes. Reading the quote for January 27, I was stunned:
"Some, something has dropped in the water, in the river, you cannot see the things dropped within the water by agitating the water. Just stand still for sometimes. As soon as the water is settled up, you'll see the things as they are. So as soon as our enthusiasm is agitated, it is better to sit down in any temple suitable and chant Hare Krsna. There is no question of being disappointed. After all, we commit so many mistakes. That is human nature. To err is human. That is not fault. But try to rectify with cool head. That is required." NOD Lectures, Calcutta, January 27, 1973
WOW! I felt an instant sensation of reciprocation. Krsna was reassuring me, calm was the way to go. Keep a cool head. It is only possible to rectify with a cool head.
That night before going to sleep I meditated about my lost bead bag. I could see and even feel everything so clearly Inside were my most cherished beads that had been chanted on by my beloved spiritual master. Those beads had also been dipped in the Ganga, Yamuna, Radha Kunda, Shyama Kunda, Vrnda Kunda and countless other holy places. In fact, tied around the eight bead was a small piece of thread from the brahmana thread Adwaita Acarya wore which I had received last year in Mayapur during Adwaita Acarya's appearance day. Along with these precious gems, my bead bag contains a nose ring from Srimati Radharani from Mayapur and a Ganja mala necklace that Chota Madhava wore. The bead bag itself was from Mayapur.
I mentally offered respects to my bead bag and told myself I would retrace my steps the following day.
This morning I woke up still meditating on my lost bead bag. During deity greetings I prayed to Lord Nityananda to please help ensure the safe return of my bead bag for it is a representation of his great mercy. The mercy of guru and the holy name.
As I made my way back to the shop, I kept visualizing my bead bag. As I pushed open the doors, I explained my predicament to the shop owners and made my way up the stairs. As I walked through the maze of clothing and nooks and crannys, I came to the dark corner where the boxes of wigs were kept. There, lying solitary in the darkness was my bead bag! I can't even begin to explain how happy I was to see it. I was reunited!
This event served to remind me of something very important. We never appreciate the most important things until we get a glimpse of how it would be if we didn't have them. The lesson is to cherish and be aware of everything. In fact Krsna had given me a hint. The thought to chant in the shop had come to my mind. If I had actually entertained it as opposed to just shoving it off to the side, I would have realized that I was missing my beads then and there. Krsna is always trying to help, the problem is we just don't listen.
It also made me realize that I am genuinely attached to my beads. For once, I can be proud of an attachment!
Wishing everyone a most ecstatic Nityananda Trayodasi! Nityananda Rama ki JAI!
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Kartika Series: Learning the Ropes
I was going. It still hadn't sunk in. As the last week of September came to an end and the chilly breezes hinting of October started to billow in, I realized it was time!
Thursday morning- I hurriedly packed my bags, in my typical last minute fashion, and settled on the train heading to Montreal. The excitement finally started to settle in. I was going to be going on the altar that very night! For the next few days, I would be shadowing Tulasi Seva devi and watching her dress Sri Sri Radha Manohara in the morning and the evening.
I quickly took a shower upon arriving and made my way to the temple room. As I chanted my rounds and stared at Radha Manohara I still couldn't believe it. I was totally unqualified. Were they really going to be letting me come near them?
It was the same feeling I got whenever I traveled to the holy dham. Would Krsna really let me enter? I never really believed it until I got there. Entering the inner sanctum of Sri Sri Radha Manohara's altar is also a holy dham and so the feeling resonated with me. Anything could happen. After all, we're talking about a tricky blue-hued cowherd boy. ;)
As the last notes of the evening aarti came to a close, I followed Tulasi Seva devi onto the altar. Expertly and efficiently she started removing the jewelry and other paraphernalia decorating Their Lordships. As I stood there watching, she encouraged me to help her and so silently we worked in tandem. It was actually happening.
Returning back to the pujari room, she gave me a tour of Radha Manohara's dressing room. Preparing for the next day's dressing, she effortlessly and gracefully moved around the room showing me different items and giving me pieces of advice. Upon finishing, she smiled and said, "See you in the morning," and left leaving me with my thoughts.
As I made my way back to the asrama, I was in a state of shock. I actually got to help dress Manohara! Brimming with anticipation for the next morning, I set my alarm clock for 3:45 am. Despite very little sleep, I woke up alert and ready. Mangala aarti came and went and it was time again to go back on the altar. As I watched Tulasi Seva devi and assisted her once again, I kept taking mental notes. I knew that the moment I was left alone on that altar with Radha Manohara any sense of competency I felt would instantly vanish. As we finished dressing, she looked at me and said, "Would you like to paint Manohara?" "What?" I exclaimed as I know I'm definitely no artist. She laughed and said, "Sure, go ahead." I don't think I've ever taken so long to paint a few very basic gopi dots in my life!
I didn't really know what to think. So many experiences were happening in such a short period of time and apparently Krsna decided that he might as well throw me in the deep end when I could barely swim. Not even a few hours later, Tulasi Seva devi came up to me and asked, "Do you think you could dress Jagannath tonight?" Having never dressed Jagannath in Montreal before I was a little hesitant, but she casually brushed away my fears. "No problem," she said, and then added, "Also, do you think you could dress Radha Manohara tomorrow night?"
Having arrived on Thursday night, I wasn't supposed to be dressing on my own until the following Monday night. However, Krsna being all merciful and tricky apparently decided he wanted to speed things up. That evening I got the opportunity to dress Jagannath and nearly fell over picking up his gigantic turban! It was so wonderful.
The next evening I dressed Radha Manohara on my own. I remember feeling completely dependent and unsure. Krsna was letting me come so close to him and yet I felt so far away. It made me realize that this would be the theme for this month of Kartika- undeserving mercy.
It also made me realize that in learning the ropes, there's no better way than to just grab on and depend on Krsna.
Thursday morning- I hurriedly packed my bags, in my typical last minute fashion, and settled on the train heading to Montreal. The excitement finally started to settle in. I was going to be going on the altar that very night! For the next few days, I would be shadowing Tulasi Seva devi and watching her dress Sri Sri Radha Manohara in the morning and the evening.
I quickly took a shower upon arriving and made my way to the temple room. As I chanted my rounds and stared at Radha Manohara I still couldn't believe it. I was totally unqualified. Were they really going to be letting me come near them?
It was the same feeling I got whenever I traveled to the holy dham. Would Krsna really let me enter? I never really believed it until I got there. Entering the inner sanctum of Sri Sri Radha Manohara's altar is also a holy dham and so the feeling resonated with me. Anything could happen. After all, we're talking about a tricky blue-hued cowherd boy. ;)
As the last notes of the evening aarti came to a close, I followed Tulasi Seva devi onto the altar. Expertly and efficiently she started removing the jewelry and other paraphernalia decorating Their Lordships. As I stood there watching, she encouraged me to help her and so silently we worked in tandem. It was actually happening.
Returning back to the pujari room, she gave me a tour of Radha Manohara's dressing room. Preparing for the next day's dressing, she effortlessly and gracefully moved around the room showing me different items and giving me pieces of advice. Upon finishing, she smiled and said, "See you in the morning," and left leaving me with my thoughts.
As I made my way back to the asrama, I was in a state of shock. I actually got to help dress Manohara! Brimming with anticipation for the next morning, I set my alarm clock for 3:45 am. Despite very little sleep, I woke up alert and ready. Mangala aarti came and went and it was time again to go back on the altar. As I watched Tulasi Seva devi and assisted her once again, I kept taking mental notes. I knew that the moment I was left alone on that altar with Radha Manohara any sense of competency I felt would instantly vanish. As we finished dressing, she looked at me and said, "Would you like to paint Manohara?" "What?" I exclaimed as I know I'm definitely no artist. She laughed and said, "Sure, go ahead." I don't think I've ever taken so long to paint a few very basic gopi dots in my life!
I didn't really know what to think. So many experiences were happening in such a short period of time and apparently Krsna decided that he might as well throw me in the deep end when I could barely swim. Not even a few hours later, Tulasi Seva devi came up to me and asked, "Do you think you could dress Jagannath tonight?" Having never dressed Jagannath in Montreal before I was a little hesitant, but she casually brushed away my fears. "No problem," she said, and then added, "Also, do you think you could dress Radha Manohara tomorrow night?"
Having arrived on Thursday night, I wasn't supposed to be dressing on my own until the following Monday night. However, Krsna being all merciful and tricky apparently decided he wanted to speed things up. That evening I got the opportunity to dress Jagannath and nearly fell over picking up his gigantic turban! It was so wonderful.
The next evening I dressed Radha Manohara on my own. I remember feeling completely dependent and unsure. Krsna was letting me come so close to him and yet I felt so far away. It made me realize that this would be the theme for this month of Kartika- undeserving mercy.
It also made me realize that in learning the ropes, there's no better way than to just grab on and depend on Krsna.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Kartika Series: The Hesitation
I'd like to dedicate this second piece of writing to my dear friend Tanya. Thank you for your continued encouragement and extinguishing any doubts I had.
The Hesitation-
I was on cloud five trillion. Who wouldn't be? I had been handed the opportunity of a lifetime- dressing Sri Sri Radha Manohara.
The more I thought about it, the more excited I became. But maya is sneaky because along with the excitement came hints of doubts. As I sat in the car, I reflected on my answer. After my initial outburst of "YES!" reality had set in and I realized that I couldn't commit without seriously thinking about this. It wasn't just an opportunity; it was also a huge responsibility. I wanted to make sure that I was 100% certain that I could do this, and so I had told Tulasi Seva devi that I would get back to her within a few days.
The time had come to tell my parents. As I excitedly and somewhat incoherently rattled off what had happened on the car drive home, I caught my dad's eye in the rear-view mirror. He didn't say much. All he said was, "What a wonderful opportunity. You must do this, after all Sri Sri Radha Manohara have done for you." And that was it. My mother, was equally thrilled but wanted to hear more details which I provided.
After reaching home, I started coming down from the initial high, and my rascal mind started entertaining more doubts. But what if I got a job during that time? What if I couldn't handle ashrama life in Montreal? What if I committed tons of offences and would have to suffer reactions? What if, what if, what if...the list continued.
This is the way the mind works. One can be given the greatest fortune, and even then the mind can come up with excuses. The longer one entertains these doubts/excuses, the more powerful it can become.
My main two doubts were that I would be offered a job during that time and secondly if I could handle ashrama life in Montreal. I spoke to my dad. He is one of the first people I always go to for spiritual advice being very sane and grounded.
I told him about my fear about getting a job during that time. He leveled me with a look, "Well what would you do?" He asked. I spoke honestly, "Well, I really feel that I should do this service for the whole month of Kartika....so....if anyone asked me to start during that time I would say I couldn't." He nodded his head in agreement. "Yes, I think so too. Radha Manohara will take care of you. Don't worry."
Well that took care of that. Although I didn't have complete faith, I knew it was the right thing to do. Besides, HG Laxmimoni prabhu's words were ringing in my ears. The last time I spoke to her she had said, "Why don't you just dedicate one year to temple life?" Well here was my chance...it wasn't one year, but at least I could try to dedicate one month of my life to temple service.
Now, the big one. Could I handle ashrama life in Montreal? Krsna has been very merciful to me. I had the opportunity to live in the ashrama in Radhadesh when doing Bhakti Sastri and it had been a wonderful experience. But that was just it- I had never really served in a temple in North America. Europe and India yes, but not yet North America.
But who could I ask. Tanya. The first person who came to mind. Tanya is extraordinary. Working full time at Concordia University she spends six days a week at the ladies ashram here in Montreal and does a whole gamut of services. Hesitatingly, I approached her. "What's it like in the ashrama? How's the morning program? Is there heating?" Yes, I actually asked that. Is there heating? LOL. She very patiently answered all my questions, despite how preposterous they were.
Yet still, I was hesitating. It was Krsna working through Tanya who really pushed me, and for that I will always be indebted to her. She would not give up on me. Using whatever leverage she could find she would send text messages asking when I was coming, telling me that Radha Manohara were personally inviting me to come, going as far as to say I was crazy to not be calling Tulasi devi back to inform her I was coming.
There is only so much sweetness a person can take. Soon I hit my limit and said, "Alright Radha Manohara, I'm yours for the month." Calling Tulasi Seva devi I informed her I would be coming, but I told her I could only commit for two weeks but would try to be there for the whole of Kartika. Why? I wanted to make sure that I could handle it because with incredible mercy comes great responsibility. Working out the details, we decided it would be best for me to come a few days before she left for India so I could become familiar with everything.
The invitation had come and it had now been formally accepted.
The Hesitation-
I was on cloud five trillion. Who wouldn't be? I had been handed the opportunity of a lifetime- dressing Sri Sri Radha Manohara.
The more I thought about it, the more excited I became. But maya is sneaky because along with the excitement came hints of doubts. As I sat in the car, I reflected on my answer. After my initial outburst of "YES!" reality had set in and I realized that I couldn't commit without seriously thinking about this. It wasn't just an opportunity; it was also a huge responsibility. I wanted to make sure that I was 100% certain that I could do this, and so I had told Tulasi Seva devi that I would get back to her within a few days.
The time had come to tell my parents. As I excitedly and somewhat incoherently rattled off what had happened on the car drive home, I caught my dad's eye in the rear-view mirror. He didn't say much. All he said was, "What a wonderful opportunity. You must do this, after all Sri Sri Radha Manohara have done for you." And that was it. My mother, was equally thrilled but wanted to hear more details which I provided.
After reaching home, I started coming down from the initial high, and my rascal mind started entertaining more doubts. But what if I got a job during that time? What if I couldn't handle ashrama life in Montreal? What if I committed tons of offences and would have to suffer reactions? What if, what if, what if...the list continued.
This is the way the mind works. One can be given the greatest fortune, and even then the mind can come up with excuses. The longer one entertains these doubts/excuses, the more powerful it can become.
My main two doubts were that I would be offered a job during that time and secondly if I could handle ashrama life in Montreal. I spoke to my dad. He is one of the first people I always go to for spiritual advice being very sane and grounded.
I told him about my fear about getting a job during that time. He leveled me with a look, "Well what would you do?" He asked. I spoke honestly, "Well, I really feel that I should do this service for the whole month of Kartika....so....if anyone asked me to start during that time I would say I couldn't." He nodded his head in agreement. "Yes, I think so too. Radha Manohara will take care of you. Don't worry."
Well that took care of that. Although I didn't have complete faith, I knew it was the right thing to do. Besides, HG Laxmimoni prabhu's words were ringing in my ears. The last time I spoke to her she had said, "Why don't you just dedicate one year to temple life?" Well here was my chance...it wasn't one year, but at least I could try to dedicate one month of my life to temple service.
Now, the big one. Could I handle ashrama life in Montreal? Krsna has been very merciful to me. I had the opportunity to live in the ashrama in Radhadesh when doing Bhakti Sastri and it had been a wonderful experience. But that was just it- I had never really served in a temple in North America. Europe and India yes, but not yet North America.
But who could I ask. Tanya. The first person who came to mind. Tanya is extraordinary. Working full time at Concordia University she spends six days a week at the ladies ashram here in Montreal and does a whole gamut of services. Hesitatingly, I approached her. "What's it like in the ashrama? How's the morning program? Is there heating?" Yes, I actually asked that. Is there heating? LOL. She very patiently answered all my questions, despite how preposterous they were.
Yet still, I was hesitating. It was Krsna working through Tanya who really pushed me, and for that I will always be indebted to her. She would not give up on me. Using whatever leverage she could find she would send text messages asking when I was coming, telling me that Radha Manohara were personally inviting me to come, going as far as to say I was crazy to not be calling Tulasi devi back to inform her I was coming.
There is only so much sweetness a person can take. Soon I hit my limit and said, "Alright Radha Manohara, I'm yours for the month." Calling Tulasi Seva devi I informed her I would be coming, but I told her I could only commit for two weeks but would try to be there for the whole of Kartika. Why? I wanted to make sure that I could handle it because with incredible mercy comes great responsibility. Working out the details, we decided it would be best for me to come a few days before she left for India so I could become familiar with everything.
The invitation had come and it had now been formally accepted.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Kartika Series: The Invitation
For the month of Kartika I barely wrote. Not because I didn't want to, but because I was consumed. Consumed and utterly engrossed in service. Now that Kartika has come and gone, I am left with the deep impressions it has ingrained in my heart. Following in the footsteps of my dear friend Bhakti, I thought that the best way to share some of these experiences would be to write a series. The Kartika series.
The Invitation-
It seems almost a life-time ago, but this year's mystical Kartika journey began to manifest in early September. Jobless and slightly frustrated, I didn't have any hopes of going to India this year, but little did I know that Krsna had other plans for me.
Early September marked the Prabhupada Festival that the devotees in Montreal hold every year. Having never attended one, I had the great fortune of being allowed to go. Four days of intense Srila Prabhupada katha by HG Sruta Kirti prabhu. It was pure nectar. While being there, I hesitatingly asked if I could do any pujari service for the deities and Krsna being all merciful allowed me the opportunity to dress Sri Sri Gaura Nitai twice during my four day visit.
It was Saturday evening and I was standing on the altar, astonished that someone as undeserving as myself had been granted this special service. Having assisted Gaura Nitai get into their evening dress, I was standing spellbound in front of Sri Sri Radha Manohara.
Radha Manohara have an extremely special place in my heart. Not only are they mind-numbingly beautiful Deities, but they are the Deities that I grew up with. Before I was born, my parents lived across the street from the temple in Montreal and when I was 10 days old they brought me to the temple on Janmastami. They are not just Deities for me, but a part of my family. As I was flooded with memories, I was praying, "Oh my dear Radha Manohara, please allow me to dress you one day." As I continued to steal a few extra minutes on the altar to absorb this extremely rare and close-up darshan, I kept praying, "Please let me dress you one day."
The next morning I just happened to be in the kitchen, watching in awe as the devotees expertly and speedily were preparing prasadam for both the breakfast offering and the boat ride later in the day. As I was hanging around, the head pujari HG Tulasi Seva devi suddenly asked me, "So are you working these days?" I told her no, at the moment I wasn't. She fell quiet and something inside me prompted me to ask, "Why?" Looking up from the pot she was stirring she said, "Well, I'll be going to India for about a month and we need a pujari to help out here. Would you be able to come and help out for sometime?" I stood there stunned and distinctly remember asking, "You mean helping to dress Radha Manohara." Cheerfully she laughed and said, "Yes, it would mean dressing Radha Manohara everyday during the week, morning and evening."
There it was. The answer to my prayers. Not even twelve hours before I had been standing in front of Radha Manohara asking them if they would allow me to dress them and here was their dear and long-standing devotee asking me if I could come and dress them, not just at any time, but for the auspicious month of Kartika. The time when I am longing to be in Vrndavana.
This was it. The invitation I had been longing for.
The Invitation-
It seems almost a life-time ago, but this year's mystical Kartika journey began to manifest in early September. Jobless and slightly frustrated, I didn't have any hopes of going to India this year, but little did I know that Krsna had other plans for me.
Early September marked the Prabhupada Festival that the devotees in Montreal hold every year. Having never attended one, I had the great fortune of being allowed to go. Four days of intense Srila Prabhupada katha by HG Sruta Kirti prabhu. It was pure nectar. While being there, I hesitatingly asked if I could do any pujari service for the deities and Krsna being all merciful allowed me the opportunity to dress Sri Sri Gaura Nitai twice during my four day visit.
It was Saturday evening and I was standing on the altar, astonished that someone as undeserving as myself had been granted this special service. Having assisted Gaura Nitai get into their evening dress, I was standing spellbound in front of Sri Sri Radha Manohara.
Radha Manohara have an extremely special place in my heart. Not only are they mind-numbingly beautiful Deities, but they are the Deities that I grew up with. Before I was born, my parents lived across the street from the temple in Montreal and when I was 10 days old they brought me to the temple on Janmastami. They are not just Deities for me, but a part of my family. As I was flooded with memories, I was praying, "Oh my dear Radha Manohara, please allow me to dress you one day." As I continued to steal a few extra minutes on the altar to absorb this extremely rare and close-up darshan, I kept praying, "Please let me dress you one day."
The next morning I just happened to be in the kitchen, watching in awe as the devotees expertly and speedily were preparing prasadam for both the breakfast offering and the boat ride later in the day. As I was hanging around, the head pujari HG Tulasi Seva devi suddenly asked me, "So are you working these days?" I told her no, at the moment I wasn't. She fell quiet and something inside me prompted me to ask, "Why?" Looking up from the pot she was stirring she said, "Well, I'll be going to India for about a month and we need a pujari to help out here. Would you be able to come and help out for sometime?" I stood there stunned and distinctly remember asking, "You mean helping to dress Radha Manohara." Cheerfully she laughed and said, "Yes, it would mean dressing Radha Manohara everyday during the week, morning and evening."
There it was. The answer to my prayers. Not even twelve hours before I had been standing in front of Radha Manohara asking them if they would allow me to dress them and here was their dear and long-standing devotee asking me if I could come and dress them, not just at any time, but for the auspicious month of Kartika. The time when I am longing to be in Vrndavana.
This was it. The invitation I had been longing for.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)