on fast forward

Last week as I was sitting down to chant my noon gayatri I realized something. I was trying to chant all the mantras really quickly as though I had some place to get to immediately. Truth was, the only thing I had lined up afterwards was checking my email! So why the need to rush?

When I analyze my life, I grudgingly realize it's something I do constantly. I fast forward through most of my spiritual practices as though there is some imaginary race that I must win. Even though I know faster isn't better, the challenge in slowing down is having to acknowledge the fact that I may be doing things imperfectly.

When I used to take singing lessons, the thing that challenged me the most was singing my scales slowly. And I'm not talking about just slowly, I mean excruciatingly slow. That was the time my teacher would always correct me. Over and over and over again would I have to repeat them until I got it right. Although frustrating, I never forgot what she told me. "If you don't get it right when you sing slow, you'll not only sing it wrong when you sing fast, but worse, you won't even notice that you're singing it wrong."

Similarly, as I hit fast forward in almost everything I do, I'm starting to realize the only person I'm short changing is myself. As aspiring bhakti yogis one of the most importantly lessons to imbibe is that it is the mood and consciousness that matters. When I rush, my consciousness is of stress, not devotion!

It's a humbling lesson. There's no need to fast forward. It's a good thing to hit pause and re-evaluate and even more important to be satisfied on play. That's the time when I'll grow.

my inspiration for today

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." - Marianne Williamson

I remember the way I felt the first time I heard this, "Wow, that's totally applicable to me and everyone I know!" Years later, I've realized it's not only beautiful and inspirational but more importantly, it's a call to action for all of us. Krsna has given all of us unique abilities and talents and it is our service to culture, nourish them and offer it back in His service. om tat sat. :D

in honour of gita jayanti: a new blog

Today, Sunday December 23, 2012 marks Gita Jayanti- the anniversary of when the Bhagavad gita was spoken over 5000 years ago on the sacred grounds of Kurukshetra.

The Bhagavad gita - as it is, is one of my favourite books. In fact, I often comment that it's "my hand book for life". If I have a question, a problem, am frustrated or am in need of some inspiration, the Gita is always there for me. I never need to worry that it's too busy or doesn't have time for me. In short, the Gita never lets me down.

I wanted to do something to commemorate this significant day and so for the first time in my life I consecutively read all 700+ verses - in English. I've recited all the sanskirt verses before and it was a wonderful experience. However, since my understanding of sanskrit is minimal at best, I could only appreciate the beautiful sound vibration of the mantras and not the essence it contained within them.

That's why I challenged myself to read the English translation of all 700+ verses. At some point in time between Chapter 5 and Chapter 6 an idea came to me. Well...it was more like a challenge: write something about every single verse in the Gita. A verse a day on the importance of the topic discussed, the way it makes me feel reading it or perhaps even a question that comes to mind.

And so here I am at the start. Today marks the beginning of diving into THE greatest yoga text. I invite you to join me... www.gita-asitis.blogspot.com

At Every Moment

In an age where the expectation is instant, whether it be in attaining gratification, results or service, it's no wonder that the path of Bhakti may seem difficult for some. And when I say some, I mean me!

This type of inculcation by modern society results in the mind becoming weak and susceptible to the notion that surrender to Krsna is next to impossible. Why? Because surrender is an active process that requires strength, faith in Krsna and most of all the realization that it is not a one time deal. Surrender to Krsna is something we must practice at every moment.

I remember when I first heard this. It instantly sat right with me. But then as time went on and the actual work needed to get started, I wasn't so keen anymore. Surrendering at every moment starts with becoming more conscious of Krsna. Specifically it means being able to see the Krsna conscious perspective of a situation and learning to let go of what "I think is right" and seeing through the eyes of sastra (i.e. seeing through the lens of what Krsna and his authorized representatives have told us).

Surrender is also difficult because it involves our free will, which is something some of us are not very good at utilizing. Normally we use our free will to protect the ego and defend our actions. Surrendering at every moment means we now have to choose between what's best according to Krsna, guru, sadhu and sastra and choosing to act according to what our mind thinks is best (which is normally the easy and "instant" way out).

Old habits are hard to overcome. After lifetimes of choosing "my" way, is it any surprise that we now grapple with utilizing our free will properly? But as I often have to tell my mind, it's not an excuse to give up. Like anything, this struggle can only help us become stronger if in conjunction we are practicing a strong regimen of chanting, serving the devotees and eating food offered with love to Krsna.

It's like lifting weights. I remember when I first started a year ago; it was embarrassing how weak I was! But when I made a commitment to go regularly, eat better and rest properly, I was surprised to see that I was making progress. In fact, the time soon came where I felt the need to increase the weight since it was getting easy.

I'm no expert on surrender, in fact I'm probably in the pre-school class, but it only makes sense that the proper diet and lifestyle change would need to be accompanied in the "Surrender program".

We always need a challenge, whether we realize it or not. So what better way to challenge oneself than increase the frequency by which we surrender to Krsna! Krsna says He helps those who help themselves, so what are we waiting for? Let's go grab that help!

Defence strategies

Last week pretty much anything that could irritate or annoy me became irresistibly attracted me.

Whether it be a person who had just finished smoking sitting next to me on the bus (when there were clearly other available seats) to my least favourite exercise instructor (who thinks screeching is a form of encouragement) subbing in for my favourite one- the list goes on and on.

It was tough. Nothing drives me crazier than feeling like something is out of my control (I know, I know- welcome to the material world!) But it was more than that.

Normally I try not to let the small things get to me, but I really felt like I was being ganged up on! It wasn't just an isolated incident here or there. Oh no. It felt like everything was happening just to purposely annoy me.

As I sat and silently fumed throughout my various experiences, I also sought for a deeper explanation. It suddenly hit me. I try so hard to avoid getting into situations that cause me to react in a negative way that when the inevitable happens, I'm forced to realize that I spend a lot of my time defending. In fact I think I spend more time defending than I do eating.

What is it that I'm defending? Well, for lack of a better term- "my mental sanity". In fact, I'm pretty expert at strategizing game plans in order to avoid having to deal with an irritated mind. It was a powerful realization. We often hear that there's more to human life than "eating, sleeping, mating and defending". The first three are pretty self-evident but I've always wondered about the "defending" aspect.

Well wonder no more. After last week's experiences I realize I'm a defender. But, just like with everything, there is no perfect defence strategy and part of being a spiritual warrior (which I can only hope of aspiring to become one day) is also realizing what is the best defence.

The best defence is to realize my defence strategies are full of flaws! LOL! I'm no match against Krsna's energies, especially when He wants to teach me something.

And so toward the end of the week, instead of just mentally flipping out, I caught my self taking some deep breathes. It's OK. Everything is happening for a reason. So there is some irritation...it's ok. It's an experience.

After all experiences are not about whether they are good, bad or just plain irritating, but what you get out of them.

Toronto Tunnel Ecstasy!

Gita Nagari Illuminations

This past weekend I had the incredible opportunity to attend a retreat in Gita Nagari. Aptly named "Jewels of Gaura lila" it was approximately 3 days filled with exuberant kirtans, heart-melting talks and beautiful devotees thirstily engaging in blissful sanga. And what better way to kick-start the festivities than by being witness to over 40 devotees receiving initiation! Just beautiful.

I myself haven't been to Gita Nagari in over 20 years. Although I don't remember much from my childhood visit, it felt like I was returning home. The beautiful breezes, the gentle cows, a dirt road to meander on, and stunning fireflies illuminating the pitch black nights. Of course nestled in this oasis are Their most glorious Lordships Sri Sri Radha Damodara.

Being there reminded me of being back in Mayapur. A simple life that consists of hearing, chanting, feasting and devotee association. That's it. No extra comforts or unnecessary technology. No phone calls, Skype video calls or texts to try to schedule some time to catch up with a friend. Instead you got to see everyone face to face. How refreshing!

I realize that it's only when everything is stripped away and I'm left with the bare minimum that finally I get a glimpse into what's really important and essential. In such an environment, the mind quietens down. Well...at least in my case, it started to quieten down! As soon as we started to enter Buffalo on the way back, along came all the crazy thoughts that had been kept at bay.

It really goes to show how sensitive we all are to our environments. In fact just today I was looking for quiet place to chant that was out of the house, yet out of the sun. By no means an easy feat! I finally happened upon a flat boulder located on a quiet path. As I settled myself in and enjoyed the respite provided by the shade and cool winds, I noticed the large trees located directly in front of me. As the breeze blew through, each and every leaf readily swayed. It's not as though one leaf was thinking "Well I don't feel like blowing that way so I'm going to try with all my might to just stay still!" Instead all of them blew in harmony.

It made me realize how much I have to learn from these trees! Instead of adjusting and moving in tandem with Krsna's plan, I tend to fight it. In fact, that was one of the jewels I took home with me from Gita Nagari- doubting Krsna wants the absolute best for me and thinking "I'm right" causes me to become my own obstacle in bhakti. Just like the trees who surrender to the breezes, it's actually easier to just go along with Krsna's plan.

But how? That's always my question. Well...I had a slightly bewildering realization this weekend. I actually knew the answer the whole time. :S It's specifically through reading that we can get rid of these doubts and crazy ideas the mind comes up with to not trust Krsna. Reading Srimad Bhagavatam and Bhagavad-gita actually acts as a soothing balm to calm the ridiculous mind. That same mind that is forever speculating and causing trouble instead becomes chastened by the weight of Vedic knowledge.

So the eternal quest continues...to become like the leaves of the humble leaves and not just willingly, but happily, sway to the expert tune of Krsna's melody He has for each and every one of us.