The Moments We Let Go Of

For awhile now I've been reflecting a lot on gratitude. What does it actually mean? How can we live a life of gratitude?

I had a small glimpse of how I could start to begin to lead a life of gratitude yesterday. Monday is the day that somehow, due to the mercy of Sri Sri Radha Manohara and their devotees, I am getting the great privilege of dressing Them. I gone to Ottawa to visit my parents for the weekend and arrived back late on Sunday just in time to catch the 8pm aarti and grab some of the delicious Sunday feast.

Knowing that I had to get up for mangala aarti the next morning, I set the alarm for 3:30am. It was with a combined sense of grogginess and enthusiasm that I woke up. After getting ready, I headed for the temple and straight to the pujari room to start preparing the clothes and jewelry. To my surprise I saw that they had already been prepared. Instantaneously I knew; the head pujari, having not seen me the night before and being so dedicated and loving, might have thought that I would not come to dress on Monday morning.

After mangala aarti I quickly caught up with her and was overwhelmed by her humility and sweetness. She flashed me a quick grin and said, "You're here. Great. No problem then, go right on ahead. In fact, it will be easier since everything is laid out for you." My heart just melted. Here is a devotee who has dedicated no less than 20 years of steady service of dressing their Lordships. She didn't have to get up early but due to her dedication she had just to make sure Their Lordships would be taken care of. Instantly I had to counter with, "No, please. You got up. If it's ok, I'll dress tomorrow. You please go ahead." After a sweet exchange, she went to dress them and I contentedly went to chant my gayatri and japa.

Upon finishing my gayatri one of the temple presidents came up to me and inquired, "Aren't you supposed to be dressing today?" I was actually overwhelmed at his thoughtfulness. I quickly explained the situation and told him I would be dressing the next day instead. Smiling, he went back to his japa.

Ordinarily, these are just some matter of fact exchanges that could happen to anyone. But I realized something- they aren't ordinary. In fact, these are the moments that we let go of and by letting them go, we also let go of our gratitude for those who care, spiritually nourish and support us. Every moment is an opportunity for us to realize this and although it takes an active effort, the more we recognize them, the more we feel sheltered and protected by Krsna.

Krsna always gives help. We just don't recognize it, but as the saying goes, "Where attention goes, energy flows." One thing I know. It is only by Krsna's energy, through his infinite mercy, that he allowed me to get a small glimpse of how sweet gratitude feels.