Last week pretty much anything that could irritate or annoy me became irresistibly attracted me.
Whether it be a person who had just finished smoking sitting next to me on the bus (when there were clearly other available seats) to my least favourite exercise instructor (who thinks screeching is a form of encouragement) subbing in for my favourite one- the list goes on and on.
It was tough. Nothing drives me crazier than feeling like something is out of my control (I know, I know- welcome to the material world!) But it was more than that.
Normally I try not to let the small things get to me, but I really felt like I was being ganged up on! It wasn't just an isolated incident here or there. Oh no. It felt like everything was happening just to purposely annoy me.
As I sat and silently fumed throughout my various experiences, I also sought for a deeper explanation. It suddenly hit me. I try so hard to avoid getting into situations that cause me to react in a negative way that when the inevitable happens, I'm forced to realize that I spend a lot of my time defending. In fact I think I spend more time defending than I do eating.
What is it that I'm defending? Well, for lack of a better term- "my mental sanity". In fact, I'm pretty expert at strategizing game plans in order to avoid having to deal with an irritated mind. It was a powerful realization. We often hear that there's more to human life than "eating, sleeping, mating and defending". The first three are pretty self-evident but I've always wondered about the "defending" aspect.
Well wonder no more. After last week's experiences I realize I'm a defender. But, just like with everything, there is no perfect defence strategy and part of being a spiritual warrior (which I can only hope of aspiring to become one day) is also realizing what is the best defence.
The best defence is to realize my defence strategies are full of flaws! LOL! I'm no match against Krsna's energies, especially when He wants to teach me something.
And so toward the end of the week, instead of just mentally flipping out, I caught my self taking some deep breathes. It's OK. Everything is happening for a reason. So there is some irritation...it's ok. It's an experience.
After all experiences are not about whether they are good, bad or just plain irritating, but what you get out of them.
1 comment:
When our attempts to communicate are met with defenses it is important not to compound the anxiety with "my point of view" responses. So we remember our purposes in the Sankirtana Movement, hopefully!
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