A Meager Offering

Dearest Srila Prabhupada,

Please accept my humble obeisances in the dust of your lotus feet.
All glories to your divine appearance!
All glories to your causeless mercy!

It's 10:54pm on the most auspicious occasion of your appearance and I am still in the process of composing what will probably remain an inadequate offering. My problem lies in the fact that it is impossible to express my gratitude in words and even harder to choose amongst your unlimited good qualities!

I was trying so hard to eloquently compose something beautiful when now, at this late hour, I am realizing I can only hope to convey what is in my heart. Srila Prabhupada, this summer, what to speak of this past year, has been so interesting. So many lessons, so many opportunities, so many challenges and most importantly so much mercy to absorb.

Amongst all that, one theme keeps coming up- unwavering determination and faith. Determination to serve for the sake of service without any preference or expectation for recognition. Determination to always behave like a vaisnava, which is actually extremely difficult for uncultured individuals such as myself. Determination to do one's duty and carry out the orders of the spiritual master without any expectation for the outcome of the results. And most importantly, faith that Krsna always knows what's best and to put full trust in Him.

You, my dear Srila Prabhupada, exemplify all this. You personify what Krsna speaks to Arjuna in the Bhagavad-gita:

vyavasāyātmikā buddhir
ekeha kuru-nandana
bahu-śākhā hy anantāś ca
buddhayo 'vyavasāyinām

Those who are on this path are resolute in purpose, and their aim is one. O beloved child of the Kurus, the intelligence of those who are irresolute is many-branched. Bg. 2.41

In the translation, you give us a beautiful definition of what vyavasāyātmikā means- resolute in Krsna consciousness. You personify this. Your resoluteness in Krsna consciousness is the reason why we are all here today. You faced what seemed to be countless insurmountable challenges, but you never wavered. You took so much shelter in the instructions of your spiritual master HDG Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Goswami. In fact, you always said "My spiritual master is always with me."

Such faith and determination does not come cheaply. It is a result of great realization, trust and surrender. It is no doubt that you are a pure devotee who is so dear to Krsna and yet you came to the material world, undergoing all types of trials and tribulations just to save ungrateful individuals like myself who have no idea, even after so many years, what it actually means to be Krsna conscious.

My dear Srila Prabhupada, on this day of your glorious appearance, please first of all forgive me for procrastinating and only writing this offering at the last minute! Secondly, please give me that determination and faith you had in your spiritual master so that I too can follow in your footsteps and the footsteps of those who follow you. Please allow me to see every challenge or obstacle as a gift and allow me to feel gratitude and imbibe the lessons that Krsna is trying to teach me. Please allow me to have complete trust and faith in the Holy names of Krsna. I long for the day when I can say with full confidence and realization that everything is in Krsna's holy names.

Your aspiring servant and granddaughter,
Vrndavana Vinodini dasi