Rediscovering the Magic of Krsna Consciousness All Over Again

As an aspiring bhakti practitioner, I'm well aware of how easy it is to start seeing everything I do in my day to day life as routine. Chanting, deity worship, reading, associating with devotees- all of it can become mundane if we don't go deeper than the superficial coverings. Sometimes we may feel that Krsna consciousness has lost the "freshness" and have to seek ways to rediscover that feeling.

Recently, I was fortunate to go on a retreat facilitated by HH Devamrta Swami and HG Bada Hari prabhu. The retreat was for newcomers offering an escape from the rigamaroles of everyday material life and an opportunity to discover the great jewels bhakti has to offer in the forms of kirtan, prasadam and deep devotion-centric discussions.

Upon hearing about the retreat, I immediately wanted to invite three people. Two of them were ladies I had distributed books to and had developed friendships with. The other was a student who regularly attends the Bhakti Yoga Club at the University of Ottawa.

Upon inviting Marcelle and Geoff, both immediately said yes. Unfortunately, Nadia, whom I have the great honour of regularly reading the Gita with, was unable to make it.

The weekend of the retreat came upon us and I was both trepedatious and excited. The potential for this trip being a life transforming journey for both these individuals was unbelievable. How many relative newcomers to Krsna consciousness get an opportunity to get one-one time with devotees of the highest caliber such as HH Devamrta Swami and HG Bada Hari prabhu for two and a half days? Not only that, but to have the association of like-minded individuals with a genuine thirst to dive deeper in bhakti can be rare.

Although I was happily engaged either in kirtan or cooking for most of the retreat, two moments stand out for me during those two and a half days. Those moments allowed me to fall in love with Krsna consciousness all over again. One morning, over half the participants got up early out of their own volition and chanted japa. The main room where the programs were being held became completely surcharged with the vibration of the holy name. In that space, I'll never forget looking over the participants, and in particular Geoff and seeing him with eyes closed, a look of determination on his face chanting the holy names of Krsna.

The second moment was during the final kirtan. HH Devamrta Swami simply took us out of the material world with his kirtan. Every single participant, was dancing. It was as though no one had a say in the matter! Everyone had to dance. After dancing and dancing and dancing, finally the kirtan came to conclusion and sitting down everyone sang in unison, hands outstretched and a look of complete bliss on their faces.

That is what Krsna consciousness is all about. Feeling a sense of connection to the holy names and the devotees. Although I may have passed along the message and invited both Geoff and Marcelle to come, they gave me the greatest gift during this retreat. Watching their experiences allowed me to rediscover the magic of Krsna consciousness all over again.

Fully Present

Have you ever had someone's full attention? I'm not talking about the few flashes of eye contact you get while the person you're talking to you is simultaneously trying to have a bbm conversation with someone else. No. I'm talking about full on 100% attention.

It's so rare. The natural tendency of a living entity is to to love and be loved. In the process of trying to be loved and not attaining success, oftentimes the living entity tries to find some way to seek attention. Whether it's through laughter, dramatic story telling, looking beautiful etc etc, my realization is that all of these things we pursue are really for one thing alone- to be loved. We feel as though by doing something extraordinary then somehow the world we live in will wake up and finally pay us the attention that we're due.

But what happens when despite doing nothing at all, someone gives you that attention so freely and without any expectation in return? It becomes overwhelming. I had such an experience this weekend. HG Vaisesika prabhu and his wonderful wife Nirakula prabhu are two examples of individuals who give you their undivided attention.

When they speak to you, it's as though no one else exists. They fan any small spark or dying ember of any good quality that may be buried inside you and magnify it a million fold. It's actually unbelievable until you experience it for yourself.

What a gift! Persons who have been so fortunate to experience this type of undivided attention are often at a loss to describe what it feels like. It's so deep, so profound and gives a glimpse of how things must be in the spiritual world.

It also serves as a great inspiration as to what we should aspire for. We all should strive to ensure every interaction we have with every living entity leaves an indelible impression upon them.

All we need to do is remember Srila Prabhupada. Whether it was months of association, a one sentence instruction or even just a smile, those who came in contact with Srila Prabhupada have described how they'll never forget how they felt a deep sense of love and connection with him. It is our duty to not imitate but follow in his footsteps. After all, it's part of our family business to be fully present and conscious. :)

Belonging

Ever get the feeling that you just don't belong? Maybe the last time was during your teenage years where you walked into a social gathering knowing no one at all. We all long for a sense of belonging, a sense that "we fit in".

For some time now I feel that I just don't belong. I have wonderful friends, a loving family and so many well-wishers that one might suggest that my problem is due to the fact that I'm not grateful for the gifts that have been given to me. That's very true. I'll admit I'm not a grateful person and it's something I need to work on, but lately I feel as though it's something more.

Deep down I believe this sense of "not belonging" is due to a lack of permanency. Not only the lack of permanency in my own life but the constant change that is constantly surrounding everyone and everything I am associated to and with. I know many others I have spoken to have also shared that they experience this. The material world is said to be real yet impermanent. My realization is that it is hard "to belong" to anyone or anything when an expiration date is part of the package deal.

Relationships, situations, perspectives....they all change. I guess that's the lesson that Krsna is trying to teach me and that I don't want to accept. That despite whatever I am experiencing, He is the one permanent person that will never change, never leave and will always be there. Theoretically the concept is locked into my brain but on the basis of faith, I think I have a long way to go. Ultimately that is the lesson, isn't it?

So despite feeling as though I don't belong and I'm not connected, I aspire to embrace these feelings so that I can depend on Krsna more. On the most Krsna conscious perspective (which unfortunately is not the one I'm operating on :P) this is the greatest blessing. Most of the time our problem lies in the fact that we feel that the material world is our home and that all our pastimes here is what can sustain us. Although I feel like a small ship that is being tossed about in the rough seas and winds of change and upheaval, I pray that the steady anchor of Krsna's mercy will provide a safe haven keeping me safely enveloped in His merciful glance.

Face-Face Time

At present when I look around me it's a bit jarring to see how the days appear to pass by in a blink of an eye. Everyone, including myself, is always "busy."

I notice that when I'm literally running through my week, this all feels normal. This is the way life is supposed to be, no problem. It's only when I take the time to reflect, does it feel extremely artificial. What happened to the days when you could just call someone without having to make an appointment with them or drop in just to visit?

I was at the wedding this past weekend and it gladdened my heart to get some quality time with some of my devotee friends. Instead of having to email, Skype or text someone to schedule a few minutes to hear their thoughts, realizations and engage in an emotional exchange, it happened spontaneously and organically.

That's what happens when everyone is together- there is a chance to actually connect. I have never personally been a huge fan of the telephone or email although its become two of the most convenient mediums to communicate through. There's something about sitting in front of someone and seeing their big grin, hand gestures, head nodding or toe tapping that just can't be translated via an emoticon no matter how creative they become.

These are the moments in time the camera of our mind captures. These are the things that will get us through the doldrums of material existence that each and every one of us will have to face. Whenever an opportunity presents itself to spend time with one another, we should try grab it. In order for us to love Krsna, we need to love his devotees. The easiest way to do that is spend time with them.

However insane my life gets, that's what I want to do. Prioritize spending face-face time with the devotees. Whether it be speaking Krsna katha over a plate of some yummy prasadam or hanging out in a hotel room catching up on on someone's life, it's a valuable gift. Thank you to all those I got a chance to serve with and speak to this past weekend. I cherish it and hope that the opportunity to spend time with you comes soon!

Lessons Series: Promises to Oneself

That time of year is almost upon us...the beginning of the New Year. It appears to be one of the few times that society in general takes a quick breather to take a look back and reflect upon the year that's passed by. Remarks like, "I can't believe it's gone by so fast," fill the air and there is a sense of disbelief and awe.

It's also the time when New Year's resolutions get thrown around. "This year I'm going to do x, y and z," are easily proclaimed and are even more quickly forgotten. As someone who has broken countless promises to herself, it saddens me. Why do I not take myself seriously?

As a child, and even now, my favorite book of all time has to be the Mahabharata. It has it all- intrigue, comedy, friendship, romance, drama and so much more. If I had to pick my favorite tragic hero in this great story, it would have to be Karna.

A striking incident that happened in Karna's life explains why. When Karna was born, he was adorned with a protective armor and earrings. It was said that it would always protect him and he would never die if he didn't take it off. Knowing this, Lord Indra (the father of Arjuna), schemed to part Karna with these protective features. Knowing that Karna had a weakness for brahmanas and that he had vowed he would always give whatever someone asked of him, Indra disguised himself as a brahmana. Receiving Indra, disguised as a brahamana, very nicely and serving him, Karna asked him what he could do for him. Indra at that time asked for his armor and earrings. Karna explained what these ornaments meant but Indra was insistent. Without hesitation, Karna cut off these ornaments from his body and laid it at Indra's feet and thus satisfied him.

That's how important it was for Karna to keep his vow. It meant so much to him, that he was willing to do whatever it took to keep it. Such was the character of Karna, what to speak of so many other exalted personalities in the Mahabharata and in our Gaudiya Vaisnava lineage.

In my opinion, this is the greatest strength of character- to keep promises to oneself. I know that I have argued on several occasions that it's easier to keep promises to others because they will catch me if I hesitate or break them, but it's just an excuse. We are always held accountable by the Supersoul. Krsna is watching everything we are doing and he is watching every time I break a promise I've made to myself.

I too would like to imbibe the genuine meaning of what vow actually means. The great soberness and heaviness that comes attached with it is something I am fearful of but I am actually the fool if I think that it isn't possible to accomplish. The entire Guru parampara is there, just waiting to help if I ask for it. As HH Bhaktimarga Swami once said during an initiation ceremony, "You have joined the strong, so you have no excuse to be weak."

I'm done with being weak. I want to become strong.

Lessons Series: Filling in the Gaps

Ever try to really focus at a task at hand? So difficult! As aspiring chanters, we get a daily reality check when we sit down to chant our japa. Is it any wonder that we either can't focus, get easily distracted or even worse don't even bother attempting?

Chanting is a reflection of how determined and how sincerely we are attempting to become conscious. Even in doing seemingly "mundane" activities we often hear others bemoan that even simple tasks take them so long because it's impossible to focus. I realize that in myself it's not even a question of trying sometimes, but more a matter of simply giving up.

I was mentioning this to a senior devotee today. In my efforts to become more determined and directed in my life, it's hard to be patient when we are endeavoring for something. "There's only so many hours in a day I can try to focus, if even that!" I proclaimed. Sympathizing with me, she stated, "The most important thing is to fill in those gaps of time, when we are not focused on a specific task, properly. We must do our due diligence in endeavoring, but it's when we don't utilize the remaining time in strengthening our sadhana, that's when doubts may start to creep in. An idle mind is a devil's workshop."

Reflecting on her powerful words, I realized my problem. It's not only about focusing on one's efforts on specific tasks, it's about always endeavoring to remain focused. Oftentimes I say to new people, "Krsna consciousness is a way of life." But am I living the statement that I make? It should mean that every "gap" I have in my day should be used more productively. Whether it be reading, chanting or listening to Krsna katha, it's our choice whether we want to be focused.

Of course one should not artificially try to jump to an elevated level, but recognition is the beginning. Little by little, even if it is in increments of five minutes a day, switching from space out mode to KC mode can make a huge difference. It's my hope and goal that I can fill in the gaps by becoming more Krsna focused which will naturally help me become more Krsna conscious.

Lessons Series- Tolerance

Every moment, every encounter and every situation is actually a lesson if we just take the time to recognize it. Personally, I think I am afraid of lessons for the simple fact that I'm afraid to fail. So instead of recognizing it as an opportunity to grow and learn, I instead try to ignore it and pretend they don't exist.

Sometimes, however, no matter how hard we try to run and hide, Krsna arranges a situation where you can't help but introspect. Yesterday that lesson was tolerance. I was getting onto a bus mentally preparing myself for a five hour drive. I carefully tried to pick a seat and prayed and prayed that nobody would sit next to me. Just as I thought I was in the clear, someone sat down. "Grumble, grumble," was the state of my consciousness.

Resigning myself to the fact that this was the way things were, I settled in for the ride. Immediately my ears were assailed by really loud music. I'm not talking just loud- it was ear-splitting. Twisting myself in my seat, I searched for the source. Behind me, earphones in his ears was a gentleman playing music on his laptop. What could I say? He had earphones in his ears and yet the music was blaring.

Fuming silently, I mentally was wondering "Why, oh why, did I choose this seat? Why am I being subjected to this?" As I was wondering, it suddenly dawned upon me- he wasn't just listening to any music but some Gospel music talking about the power of God.

Although it was loud, and one could argue intrusive to the others surrounding him, it made me realize how little tolerance I have. I wasn't in a situation where there was jarring rock music pounding in my ears or even worse a string of obscenities blasting out, instead the refrain kept repeating "The power of God, the power of God."

In his own way, this person was sharing the Lord's glories. Instead of looking at the positive, I was absorbed in my own comforts and was failing to recognize that. As I pulled on my own headphones and searched for some kirtan, I realized that tolerance is not something superficial. It means having true understanding and respect for others. Although I am not tolerant and didn't practice tolerance in that situation, I got a glimpse of my own progress in that regard.

Apparently though, Krsna didn't think that was enough! My strategy when taking long rides is to sleep. An ignorant escape, but at least one that makes the time pass by faster! As I listened to some kirtan, I slowly fell asleep only to wake up suddenly. There was a tapping noise that persisted.

Barely containing my frustration, I didn't know what to think. On one hand it sounded like someone was pounding on a keyboard and typing very quickly. Immediately I assigned the culprit to be this poor gentlemen behind me. Turning up the volume, I tried to escape. Slowly, intelligence sunk in and I realized that I had assigned blame too hastily. Indeed, it was the chair I was sitting in and no one else!

There was no where to move and nothing to do but tolerate. Such a small thing that could cause me to react so drastically internally. There was no way to take it other than recognizing it was Krsna's arrangement.

Upon reaching home, I could only laugh. Krsna is such a trickster! Normally I would do everything in my power to try to change or get out of a situation that requires tolerance, but he kept me trapped. Looking back, I recognize it was great mercy. I had an opportunity to listen to kirtan, try to absorb myself in some lectures (as a means of escaping the tapping sound) and introspect. Things I like to do, but often "don't have time to do."

I pray that I develop this most valuable jewel of tolerance. As aspiring chanters, it is the ornament we all must wear that will enable us to chant constantly.