The first time I went away from home was when I went to Radhadesh in 2004. At that time I had set myself a goal before leaving: I wanted that trip to be a life transforming experience for me. Due to the unlimited mercy of Sri Sri Radha Gopinatha (who will always have such a special place in my heart) and the Radhadeshvasis, that trip indeed transformed my life in a very significant way.
See, I have been lucky enough to grow up in a Krsna Consciousness family ever since I was born. But like any person who has things handed to them, I never really valued or appreciated the true gem of KC. So that trip in 2004 allowed me the greatest opportunity: to make a personal choice. Getting the opportunity to take the Bhakti sastri course, associate with devotees 24 hours a day and clarify all my doubts allowed me to "choose Krsna consciousness" for myself.
Krsna consciousness was not just a way of life anymore, it was MY way of life and the biggest priority in my life.
Similarly, before I came to Mayapur I had a goal. I wanted to take these few precious months where Krsna was allowing me to reside in his holy dham to surrender. I wanted to simply surrender to Krsna's plan. I didn't want to make my own plans, become attached to my plans or fight whatever Krsna's plan was (which is normally what I do). Instead I wanted to tell Krsna, "Krsna whatever you think is best for my spiritual life, please let it be."
As my time in Mayapur is coming to an end, I am so grateful. Krsna gave me ample opportunities to surrender. Most of the time I didn't take the opportunities but I am happy to say that I did a few times. The result of those small attempts of surrender have a left a deep impression in my heart. Krsna is there, he's listening and he's arranging things for me so expertly that I don't need to worry about anything. It is clear to me now that I don't know what is best for me. Krsna knows what is best for me.
Something a very wise devotee once said in a lecture comes to mind. "We should not be attached to the form in which things come, but the substance that is behind that form." What does this mean? We should be attached to whatever is best for our advancement in Krsna consciousness, irregardless of the form it comes in.
Years back I made the choice to make KC my way of life. But as I've come to realize, it is not a choice that you make once; it's a conscious choice that I continue to make EVERYDAY. I have only begun my attempts to surrender to Krsna's plan, but the beautiful thing about this process is that as we make the right choices and try to surrender, the process becomes sweeter and more personal.
I beg that blessings of the Vaisnavas that I can ever surrender to Krsna's plan for me.
2 comments:
my words exactly. I think every 'gurukuli' or 'second generation' devotee of Krishna who is seriously pursuing Krishna consciousness has a story of 'how they came'. but ultimately, it's an everyday choice.
Lovely post. I can relate to what you are saying. Hope you are having fun in Chowpatty! See you hopefully (in a month??)
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